Short and sweet, via the December 16, 1997 column…

Dear Breakup Girl,
Why are men such pigs?
— Hotratz

Dear Hotratz,
Easy there. I think I know what you’re saying, but I’m not sure it’s what you mean. Pigs are, in fact, clean and fastidious. They are cute, pink, and smart; they can sniff out rare truffles under six inches of soil. I know — and love — lots of boys like that. (Unfortunately, they’re going out with other people.) So there.
Love,
Breakup Girl

That guy you’re chatting up online? He could be … that other guy. This just in from the Wall Street Journal:

“Among the 125 million people in the U.S. who visit online dating and social-networking sites are a growing number of dullards who steal personal profiles, life philosophies, evensignature poems. ‘Dude u like copied my whole myspace,’ posts one aggrieved victim. Copycats use the real-life wit of others to create cut-and-paste personas, hoping to land dates or just look clever. Hugh Gallagher, a 36-year-old writer in New York, is one of the copied. Match.com has more than 50 profiles with parts of Mr. Gallagher’s college entrance essay, which he penned nearly two decades ago and later appeared in Harper’s Magazine. ‘I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees’ and ‘I write award-winning operas’ are among Mr. Gallagher’s most popular lines.”

Read the whole piece for some entertaining anecdotes about people getting royally busted — dude, if you say you write award-winning operas, your date is going to ask about them! — or, on an upside, overhauling their profiles after seeing them cut and pasted onto someone else’s page (!) … and realizing they didn’t like what they’d said in the first place.

Yeah, it’s amusing, and there’s even a happy ending. And if it’s a phenomenon, it’s a phenomenon; report away. But still. BG remains weary of the seemingly endless out-churning of “Gotcha!” articles about online dating that, intentionally or not, perpetuate the misapprehension that the people you find on the Internet are probably lying, that they are NOT WHO THEY SAY THEY ARE. (Why, we revisited that chestnut just this week, in a letter from 1997.)

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Also via Broadsheet:

Every so often you wonder if they come up with the title first, then the show.

The press release in question from WE tv:

“Understandably, every bride wants her wedding day to be picture perfect and that means that her gown must be stunning and fit like a glove. A new Cornell study reports that more than 70 percent of brides-to-be are on a mission to lose weight before their big day. All-new series, WE tv’s BULGING BRIDES [Yep!] premieres an all-new episode on Sunday, February 24 at 10pm / 9c. … The latest installment … follows Heidi, a constant procrastinator [and bad person], who has been putting off plans for her upcoming nuptials [because FAT people are shiftless].

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Via Broadsheet:

It sounds like the opening scene of a promising Indian indie: 40 family members gather to agree on a suitable bride for an eligible son. As it turns out, says the son, there’s no suitable bride for me; I’m not interested in women at all. (Women’s clothing, yes. But not women.)That son — who was kicked out of the house that day — has now come back to live with that family as their daughter Rose, though her mother still hides her dresses and jewelry when she gets the chance. At the end of the day, though, there’s really no hiding at all anymore: Rose (just Rose) is now India’s first transgender talk show host. Her show, “Ippadikku Rose” (“Yours, Rose”), will be broadcast to up to 64 million people in the southern state of Tamil Nadu later this month. It is, according to the New York Times, “expected to cause a sensation.”

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A LONG one from December 16, 1997…

Dear Breakup Girl,
I’ve just spent $1500 in air fare and hotel bills to visit a man I’d corresponded with by e-mail frequently (often more than once a day) for seven months. We seemed especially well-suited to each other (we have identical graduate degrees) and each of us was amazed at how easy and natural the relationship progressed.

But from the first moment of my arrival, it was obvious that he was not really present or interested. For the next few days, he spent bare minimum time with me — I finally told him I felt like I was his mother’s roommate’s niece that he had promised to show around town.

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Prolonged agony from December 16, 1997…
Dear Breakup Girl,
I was recently dumped by a guy that I went out with for quite some time. Even though I agreed with him that breaking up was the right thing to do (and I really thought I meant it!) I can’t get over him now. I still have to see him quite often since we have a lot of the same friends, and it kills me to see him with anyone else. My friends are also sick of hearing about everything. What should I do to get over him once and for all?
— Still Lusting

Dear Lusting,
Don’t second-guess yourself; I’m sure you did mean it when you agreed that breaking up was the right thing. But breakups are Mixed Feelings City (slogan: “I never want to see you again…unless you’re wearing those jeans”) — and right now, you’re the mayor.

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From American Sexuality Magazine, via Alternet: Psychologist Bella DePaulo, author of Singled Out: How Singles Are Stereotyped, Stigmatized, and Ignored, and Still Live Happily Ever After, takes time out from her busy, fulfilled single life to re-examine the pileup of studies informing the accepted wisdom that married people are happier than unmarrieds. Re-crunching the numbers — such as they are — she finds that while many married people are quite content, it may not be marriage that makes them that way (and vice-versa); at the end of the long, not-so-lonely day, there’s really not much difference in the happy factor between singles and marrieds at at all. To the degree that there is, DePaulo writes, “Single people are not as happy as married people in part because they are targets of stereotyping and discrimination.” Also, zombies.

An eternal question from December 16, 1997…

Dear Breakup Girl,
I recently moved out of my boyfriend’s apartment after ending our four year relationship. I’ve met someone else in the past month and I like him, but don’t need any type of commitment from him; we haven’t discussed it at all.
Do I have to resign myself to the fact that he is “trans-man” (transition man)? Or could it be real?
— Dazed & Confused

Dear Dazed,
The Center for Science in the Public Interest recently reported that so-called “trans-fats” (often found in margarine) are more likely than certain other fats to contribute to clogging of the arteries. Similarly, “trans-men” have also been linked to heart problems, not to mention clogging of the brain.

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The Last Single Man on Earth is not alone … he has Breakup Girl!

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The first BG Maxim appeared on December 5, 1997…
Dear Breakup Girl,
What does it mean when a guy says “We’ve been friends for so long and I don’t want to not be your friend if we break up after we’ve been going out”? Is that just a decoy, or could it be the truth?
— Wondering

Dear Wondering,
Sorry, pumpkin, it’s the truth. Sounds to me like he likes you, but he doesn’t LIIIIKE you.

AN IMPORTANT BREAKUP GIRL MAXIM: When someone says they don’t want to go out with you — for whatever “reason” — take their word for it.

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