I have been planning to break up with my boyfriend (of two months) but would rather wait until after the first of the year. My decision (based on my desire to see other guys, coupled with his irresponsibility and general disorganization) has been delayed because of the holidays and, more importantly, the fact that we both have two weeks of difficult final exams. If I know that he bought me an expensive Christmas present, am I under any obligation to stay with him or to return the gift to him after we break up? Is the fact that the gift is something I lobbied for extensively in a previous relationship — but never got — material to this question at all?
Sexting, apparently, is a new trend in teen texting, which involves trading dirty messages and nude or sexually explicit photos. “It’s like flirting and just having a little fun,” say teens. Wow, how did we get here from college-ruled notes saying “check here if you like me”–?
Now, I don’t wanna judge — that’s what the comments below are for — because, as Jezebel points out “Early adolescents are going to test the boundaries of their sexuality and sexual expression whether their parents — or school districts — like it or not.” Furthermore, if something is truly bad, teens will probably learn their lesson themselves, Degrassi-style. Or by watching Degrassi, like we did back in my day.
Now if there were to be a Sexting episode of Degrassi: The Next Generation, it should probably touch on the following points: (Are you listening, Canada?)
Girls: Don’t trust a teenage boy — any teenage boy — with a nude picture of yourself. Like, duh. And before you hit send on that message, imagine the picture being shared among the entire sleazy school administration, because that will happen. Plus, if you’re caught, you will be suspended from the cheerleading squad for being a slut, while the boys who passed the picture around will simply get off, in both senses of the phrase.
Dear Breakup Girl,
Thanks for being there at just the right time. My boyfriend of 5-1/2 years just broke up with me a week and a half ago. In Christmases past, I’ve been used to sending and receiving cards to/from “K & P.” Now I’m dreading the fact that I have to somehow tell all of these people that he and I are no longer together (when it was generally assumed that we would be together forever). It still hurts to talk about it…how can I tell people about us without making the whole card thing a big bummer?
— Just K
Last month I remarked in my post about status-starved Japanese girls that I’d love to be “New York-married” (my friend Kristyn’s phrase for having a live-in boy/girlfriend) so that I could go halfsies on the rent for my one-bedroom flat.
But I’d better never find myself New York-divorced, lest I wind up having to reconfigure that 1br into a “cozy 2br share!” like some no-longer-couples are being forced to do, says this AP story from last week. It’s the economy, snookums!
“With the recession and the collapse of the housing market, more and more couples who have broken up are continuing to live under the same roof, according to judges and divorce lawyers. Some are waiting for housing prices to rebound; some are trying to get back on their feet financially.”
And some, I suppose, are Netflixing a movie or two to help find a thread of black humor in the whole sucky sitch. And watching them from their half of the couch.
Filed under: Holiday — posted by Breakup Girl @ 8:51 am
Breakup Girl is very busy right now, what with the giddy whirlwind of festivities and shopping expeditions and her Herculean efforts to get you all to say to each other, “Can’t we drop it? It’s Christmas!” But it’s tough. The level of love and cuteness and romance and pressure and, like, red felt everywhere right now is, if anything, a warmup for February, when BG gets really busy. You know, with President’s Day.
Anyway, BG has been going to so many fiestas that she’s had no time to remember that she hasn’t sent a single card. But there’s always time for advice, so here are a couple of BG Holiday Party Tips:
> The holiday party hookup. Bound to happen. Why? Because eggnog doesn’t taste spiked.
Breakup Girl’s Tip: Make sure you know what you’re doing. Alternate eggnogs with a beverage that does taste spiked.
> The holiday party breakup. Now that’s a deadly combination. Doubles your chances of making poor food choices.
Breakup Girl’s Tip: never go to the party hungry. I usually accomplish this by attending another party first.
The winter holidays can be a tough time of year whether or not there’s a dependent Claus in your life. It’s hard to be single at Yuletide, because for one thing, you have to hear your parents say things like, “Won’t your friend be joining us this year?” and “Well, did you sit with anyone interesting on the train?” and “Are you sure you have a good dermatologist?” It’s also hard to be in a couple at the holidays, because it’s … expensive. What to do? How much to spend? Where to kiss? What is wassail? Here’s Breakup Girl’s mini-FAQ…
Should I buy my new boyfriend/girlfriend a holiday present?
Ah, a common problem: meeting someone just before a major gift-giving holiday. (There’s also the less common — but perhaps more serious — problem of meeting someone just before a non-gift-giving holiday, and giving him something anyway — planting a tree in his honor on Arbor Day, for example. )
So here’s the rule of thumb: at the early stage, your presents should not be commanding. In other words, DO: pick up a little something sweet, warm, or fuzzy — chocolate, mittens, dice — that says “Hey there, I think you’re kinda sweet, warm, and fuzzy.” DON’T regale him with anything time-consuming, grand, or intimidating — a ten-course dinner, a romantic weekend at a B&B, a mortgage — that says “Sit here, stay here, sign here.” Give someone new that kind of Christmas gift, and I give your relationship, oh, 12 days.
Dear Breakup Girl,
How do I tell a guy-friend that I’m not interested in him romantically without using that awful cliché, “I like you, but only as a friend.”? I know guys hate to hear that phrase.
You are absolutely right. Say anything but. I mean, if you’re going to say that, heck, you might as well say, “You’ve always been sort of a Richard Simmons figure in my life.” This is one of the rare scenarios where Breakup Girl does advocate telling an itty bitty dignity-preserving white lie. Seriously. Tell him you’re not interested, tell him you’re interested in someone else, tell him you’re in love with The Lord … just do not use the word “friend.” (Or, for that matter, “nice.”) If you don’t believe me, read the next letter.
The thing I fear most in life is “I just want to be friends.” Or “I don’t want to ruin our friendship with a relationship now.”
I have been trying to get to know these women in college. I did all the things a “nice guy” does. I helped move big stuff into their dorm rooms, set up computers and bed lofts, what have you. That’s how I am: When I like a woman, I try to help her out. Well…then I get to be her best friend. I’ve tried not to be a “nice guy,” but I just can’t. It’s instilled deep within me. So what can I do to not be the best-friend/older brother/father/confidant and be someone’s boyfriend?
When the going gets tough, the tough get creative!
Irony, which wasn’t killed by 9/11 after all, seemed to finally be on it’s way out of fashion, rendered unnecessary in an Obama-led world of responsible government and new puppies. But Ignorance also had a big win on November 4 — in the form of California’s Proposition 8 (“Prop H8”), banning same-sex marriage — and where there is Ignorance there is the Irony used by satirists to protest it (which generally goes over the head of the ignorant).
Before Thanksgiving the Ivy League gave us a Prop H8 protest that only the 99th percentile could appreciate: In an effort to call out the unfairness of putting a minority’s rights to a public vote in a constitutional democracy, deadpan students at Princeton pushed for their own prop 8 that would keep Freshman from walking on campus sidewalks, in order to “protect our definition of what walking on sidewalks is.”