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Breakup Girl » 2009 » February
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February 23, 2009

Currently at MSN.com: Mixed signals from my ex!

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 8:50 am

MSN datingAsk Lynn, Breakup Girl’s alter ego’s advice column at MSN.com (powered by Match.com), is now being updated monthly rather than weekly. Now, you’ll get two new letters at the start of each month. This month’s theme seems to be communication and the weirdness thereof:

1. He Loves Me Not? writes in because when she told her boyfriend of three months “I love you” he answered her … with the sound of crickets. But does what we say — or don’t say — always reflect how we feel? Discuss…

2. Rubbed The Wrong Way has cause to be for all the mixed signals she’s getting from an ex-boyfriend who’s regretting the breakup–but only sometimes.

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February 20, 2009

The Tacky Factor

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 9:30 am

Remember my rant about manners? Here — out of courtesy — I’ll spare you the trouble of clicking all the way back and just repeat I said: by “manners” I don’t mean complicated fork systems and all the other stilted stuff they do in “Titanic.” I mean bottom-line respect, graciousness, civility. See, Hillary Clinton consults Eleanor Roosevelt; Breakup Girl consults Miss Manners (who, she hastens to add, is very much alive and well). Although the popularity of yoga seems to have made New Yorkers a tad less snappish, I do agree with the magnificent Miss M. that the decline of polite, dignified, respectful behavior has contributed to the decline of society at large and of romantic relationships - as well as to the rise of ickiness in breakups. Reminds me of a passage from Patricia Wells’ divine book Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood. When the daughter complains to her mom that she “doesn’t know how to love,” her mom responds: “Good God, child! … Do you think any of us know how to love? … Do you think anybody would ever do anything if they waited until they knew how to love? … Forget love. Try good manners.”

Don’t take that “forget love” thing literally. Here’s the point: don’t ask yourself: “What bad behavior will love — or lack thereof — excuse right now?” Ask yourself: “What good manners make this whole mess a little easier for everyone right now?”

The instances of tackiness that appear belowhighlighted in blue — speak for themselves: listen to them.

Oh, and you third-party bystanders/confidants are not exempt: just for the record, secretly tape-recording a lovelorn friend’s phone conversations and turning them over to a Washington attorney is tacky.

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Drive-by tackiness

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 9:29 am

The Tacky Factor Day! Tackiness highlighted in blue

Dear Breakup Girl,

I had this wonderful relationship with a …well, a jerk now, but at the time I thought he was great. We were even discussing marriage (obviously, not very seriously). On our eight-month anniversary, he called me at work and broke up with me. We exchanged stuff, and all was quiet for six months, until just a little while ago on my birthday. He drove by my house to put a birthday card in my mailbox. My question is: why didn’t he mail it, especially since I live an hour and a half away from him? The only message inside was “Happy Birthday,” scribbled, and his signature. Should I call him, or just leave him be? Explain this situation to me, Breakup Girl!

– Zoe

(more…)

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Tacky but legal

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 9:28 am

The Tacky Factor Day! Tackiness highlighted in blue

Dear Breakup Girl,

When my boyfriend and I broke up, he said that we would always be friends and that for the rest of the school year he wouldn’t go out with anyone. We haven’t talked since — and now he is going out with one of my good friends! What should I do? I want to be friends with him, but he broke a promise.

– Kayleigh

(more…)

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Tacky communication

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 9:27 am

The Tacky Factor Day! Tackiness highlighted in blue..

Dear Breakup Girl,

I am a 36-year-old woman who’s seeing this guy, 30, for about two months. I saw him last on a Sunday evening and I called him on the following Tuesday evening but did not get a return call. I have called him several times and asked him to call me and asked what happened. What did I do? I‘ve even seen him at a bar and he totally ignored me. It has been a little over a month now and I have heard nothing. From your experiences, what would you say happened? I realize I’m better off but hate the feeling of being ignored for no reason.

–Janet

(more…)

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Professional tackiness

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 9:26 am

The Tacky Factor Day! Tackiness highlighted in blue

Dear Breakup Girl,

I’m a young professional woman establishing my career and I’ve been through enough relationships (good and bad) in the past. Now, I feel uninterested in the dating scene or having a boyfriend at all. I would so much prefer to simply have “lovers” available at a congenial convenience. Many of my friends think I’m being immoral or am in a weird state of relationship denial when I simply have no desire for a heavy emotional commitment. What are your thoughts on this situation? Am I wanting to have my cake and eat it too?

– Single and Happy

(more…)

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February 19, 2009

MTV casting call!

Filed under: News, TV — posted by Breakup Girl @ 5:53 pm

Did you miss End a Bad Relationship Day? Accidentally on purpose? Then check out this casting call, sent from a reliable FOBG. We mean, if all your friends are telling you to break up and it’s not working, perhaps you’ll listen to everyone who watches MTV?

TRUE LIFE: I Can’t Leave My Boyfriend/Girlfriend
Are you in a relationship that’s on the road to nowhere? Are your two opposing life situations (distance, finances, religion, culture) making it increasingly difficult to stay together? Do you want to break up with your mate but don’t know how to go about actually doing the deed? Are you hanging on to the relationship because you’re overwhelmed at the thought of being alone? Have you broken up before only to go running back to each other shortly thereafter?

We know that breaking up is hard to do, and if you answered ‘yes’ to any of these questions, then MTV would like to hear your story. Tell us as much about your relationship as possible — let us know how long you’ve been together, what your attraction to each other was, what the circumstances were that led to your decision, and what your current status is as a couple

If you appear to be between the ages of 17-26, want to breakup with your boyfriend/girlfriend, and would like to share your story, please email us at CantLeave@mtvn.com. Please be sure to include your name, location, phone number, and a photo of you and your mate.

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Need to chill out? Make out!

Filed under: News, Psychology — posted by Rose @ 4:41 pm

A group of scientists at Lafayette University recently found that kissing reduces levels of the stress hormone cortisol. They also noted higher levels of the emotional-bonding chemical oxytocin in the guys  they studied — but curiously, not in the girls, whose oxytocin levels pretty much stayed the same.

The study’s subjects were male and female, college-age students from the school — no same-sex couples were studied! Erm! — who were asked to make out in the student health center for 15 minutes. Memo to Lafayette admissions: put that in the catalog!

While I am tickled to find that there’s a Latin-derived “-ology” for the study of kissing — philematology — I wish it didn’t sound quite so much like “phelgmatology.” And to an extent, I’m happy to remain a layman rather than overanalyzing the art of kissing. For example, I don’t think I need to know that “men prefer ’sloppy’ kisses, in which chemicals including testosterone can be passed onto the women in saliva. Testosterone increases the sex drives in both males and females.” Dropping that bit of science on me has, I think, actually ruined my next makeout session.

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Scientists put the “fur” in fertile

Filed under: News — posted by Rose @ 3:06 pm

Via VeryShortList: A group of geneticists at Penn State have found that male mice that are made to cohabitate with female mice exhibit “manlier” physiological traits — such as higher testosterone levels and longer periods of fertility — than mice made to fly solo.

The study’s abstract states that the findings “have significant implications for the maintenance of male fertility in wildlife, livestock and human populations.”

Who do ya think is rejoicing in this bit of knowledge more: pregnancy-fixated women or certified lifetime bachelors?

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‘Til rent do us part

Filed under: News — posted by Rose @ 2:26 pm

We trendsniffing BGers have pointed out lots of the ink that’s been spilled over Depression 2.0 and how it’s affecting the coupled-up:  They’re having hope sex! They’re having no sex! They’re bemoaning lost billions! They’re the bargain-hunting betrothed!

And we thought the worst of it was the stories of divorced couples who’ve had to continue cohabitating in their homes lest they lose a bundle on the surreal estate market. But the Debbie Downers over at Alternet have hit upon something just as sucky: the increased likelihood of singles having platonic roommates well past their age-appropriate 20s and early 30s. Possibly even (dum-da-dum-dum!) for liiiiife!

And I read: “For many urban professionals — despite having a good job and a college education — the American dream has been seriously downsized. Instead of hungering for the house with the white picket fence, they fantasize of one day renting an apartment with no one else’s milk in their fridge.”

While the story cites historical contexts for the rise in roommate-dom — everything from the invention of TV dinners  to the rise of women in the workplace — writer Nan Mooney really hits the nail on the head re: just what it is about being a grown man/woman with a roomie that makes one self-loathe:

“But at what point does having a roommate contribute to the fact that we’re still single and lonely? It’s all too easy to get stuck in that twentysomething, no plans, no worries, no furniture kind of lifestyle. The one where you go out for beers with your buddies every Friday night, crash on your futon and never get around to saving for retirement or contemplating a more permanent relationship.”

And, even more bitingly: “It can be hard to cultivate intimacy with someone when there’s a third party on the couch watching Jon Stewart. By our 30s and 40s, many of us are looking for either independence or intimacy instead of some limbo between the two.”

Thus my much-self-ballyhooed quest to “get New York-married” continues. Having become roommated in late ‘08 at the age of 34, for the first time since college, I admit that this article has sent a shockwave through my social life. Not sure what to do yet, but I sure know where not to go looking…

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