What’s a young Shiite Muslim to do when his religion forbids sex outside of marriage and he wants to have sex? Get married of course! Hey, if you can end the marriage with a text (technically it would take three text messages) why not wed your hookup? Actually, Betwa Sharma points out in this fascinating Daily Beast article, it is only a subset of Shiites who believe the Quran provides a loophole of temporary “pleasure marriages” called Mut’ah. Sharma profiles a twentysomething Shiite in New York who’s been “married” 25 times.
Like permanent marriages in Islam, Mut’ah marriages are only allowed with other Muslims, Christians, and Jews. His partners have been Catholic and Muslim-American, Spanish, Lebanese, Turkish, Palestinian, and Pakistani. Selman says many of the women he meets express “shock” when he explains he must marry them before he can proceed.
Yeah, I think a marriage proposal might disrupt my flirty patter. But only for a minute:
According to Selman, the woman has to say, “I marry you, myself.” The man replies, “I accept.” A token bridal gift must be given-in Selman’s case, usually tea, juice, or chocolates.
Wow. I thought I at least had to buy her a meal.
While some might say these Muslims aren’t taking marriage very seriously, I think we can all agree they seem to be taking hooking-up very seriously. As Muhsin Alidina of the Al Khoei Islamic Center in Queens explains Mut’ah:
Alidina says the crucial components of the Mut’ah marriage are the mutual acceptance of the marriage, a bridal gift to the wife paid in cash, and her obligation to stay single for two menstrual cycles after the marriage ends to ensure she is not pregnant before entering into another. The husband is responsible for a child conceived during the marriage, even if the marriage lasts only a few hours, and religious leaders recommend that the contract be put in writing so women can claim their rights in Islamic courts that recognize Mut’ah marriages.
Ugh. Forget it. I’m just gonna stay home Friday night and watch Dollhouse instead.
Filed under: Psychology — posted by Chris @ 8:34 am
I could tell from the very first TV commercial for Obsessed that it would be a hit, and the weekend’s box office receipts have borne that out. First off, it’s been way too long since the last trashy she-stalker movie! (And Swimfan hardly counts since it was a teen movie.) (Erika Christensen, don’t cut me!) Plus it cleverly exploits the “white women are stealing our men!” meme, AND it features empowerment-you-can-dance-to diva Sasha Fierce herself! Movie magic.
Now then, as a public service for those of you on Team Larter, the LA Times provides a helpful list of Do’s and Don’t for the modern psycho-bitch on the go! A sample:
Do: Befriend a high school classmate. Move in with her family. Put the moves on her dad. Murder her mom and make sure it looks like a suicide.
Don’t: Flip out. Wreck the car. Then blame it on your friend. She’ll figure out you’re evil and push you off a balcony. (Poison Ivy)
Save Chuck! NBC’s uber-charming, geektastic spy comedy Chuck is on the bubble of cancellation! I’m not going to argue that this is objectively the best show on TV, but for me, it’s the show I most look forward to — and I will miss it desperately should tonight’s season finale be a series finale.
First let me speak directly to the Nielsen families that read this blog: Please, for the love of Adam Baldwin, WATCH CHUCK TONIGHT LIVE!
To the rest of you: Zachary-Levi.com details all the ways to save Chuck. Chief among these is buying a $5 footlong at Subway TODAY and proclaiming your love of Chuck to the show’s biggest sponsor via the store suggestion box. This is actually a good deal; I mean, if you sent peanuts to CBS to save Jericho you didn’t get to eat them! Ditto the Mars bars.
Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 3:42 am
Ask Lynn, Breakup Girl’s alter ego’s advice column at MSN.com (powered by Match.com), is now being updated monthly rather than weekly, so now you’ll get two new letters each month…
1. Jennifer is on her third go-round with Mr. Looks-like-Tim-McGraw. They dated, then broke-up, then were friends-with-benefits, broke that off, now they’re dating again — but better than ever before. Can this be real?
2. Sick of seeing both sides is frustrated by a boyfriend who wants time alone with his buddies a lot, or when they’re all together simply ignores her. Otherwise, he’s attentive and sweet — so what gives?
My boyfriend broke up with me because I was “too nice.” Do you think that this was the real reason, or just an excuse?
— Tu Nice
Dear Tu Nice,
Either (1) he has some sort of I’m Not Worthy issue that causes him to believe that he really only deserves to date the Linda Tripps of the world, or (2) it’s not so much an excuse as a default thing to say, a lite sugar-coating. Never mind the “too;” at least, either way, he thinks you’re nice — which, arguably, is better than thinking you’re Satan (or, worse, “terrific”). I realize neither he nor Breakup Girl has given you much to work with, but honestly, it’s not worth dwelling on. Mainly, I wanted to let guys know that WOMEN GET THE “TOO NICE” THING TOO. So there.
Two years ago I was involved with a great guy. We were compatible intellectually, romantically and sexually, but he moved 2,000 miles away and after an attempt to do the long distance thing, we broke it off. We remained good friends and corresponded regularly.
Now he is returning to his old neighborhood and thinks we should get together again. I’m all for it except for one problem. He is a smoker and I am a militant nonsmoker (the really annoying kind) with an allergy to cigarettes to boot! He was trying to quit when we first started dating, but since the move west, he gave up the effort. He likes it and he doesn’t care if it kills him. I try to get him not to do it around me during some of his visits home, but he does not always oblige. Even if the hacking cough didn’t always surface, the knot in the pit of my stomach every time he lights up (even when we speak on the phone) never goes away.
I don’t want this to become a power struggle. We are both stubborn, hard-headed people at times (hell, I guess that’s why we’re so compatible) and fighting about it goes nowhere. I really do want to see him again and possibly resume the relationship. How can I learn to adjust my attitude and still maybe, possibly take that chance in Hell that I can somehow encourage him to stop or at least compromise?
Filed under: Psychology — posted by Amy @ 10:25 am
So I’m on my second marriage. My third, if you count the eight-year relationship between the two. So I know from divorce, splitups and breakups, and I say basta. So anytime someone has constructive advice about how to make my marriage go the distance, I sit up and take notice. Immediately followed, usually, by slumping back down and putting my head between my legs, because omfg, I just can’t.
The New York Times has trotted out the old “date-night” advice: making time for each other to reconnect sans kids is good for your union. Well, duh. Is the New York Times going to pay Barnard Babysitting? Anyway, the newest research says that even if I manage to find a sitter, find enough energy, and tear myself away from my child — is there an opposite of dayenu? It’s not enough for us. If we do all that and then just sit at our favorite sushi place, staring at each other — we’re still in mortal danger of becoming a statistic. Turns out we have to do more than go on a date — we have to go on an exciting date!
Novelty is the goal — it’s supposed to re-up our supply of dopamine and mimic the headiness of our early love. You know what else would reignite my dopamine? My husband throwing out those heinous maroon sweatpants. But I digress. The studies indicate that we’ll feel more connected and satisfied if we do stuff we don’t usually do, like “attending concerts or plays, skiing, hiking and dancing.” That, my friends, is quite an evening.
Look, I’d love to. I’d love to hike and dance and hang-glide. (That’s not true. I would hate to hang-glide.) But I already feel so much pressure to plan a night out. And at this point, believe me, sitting at a table that someone else is going to clean up counts as a novel experience. I’m going to have to hope that’s enough for now.