My husband and I have been married for about a year and a half (together for a total of seven years). Other than a few flings/torrid one night affairs, I was never serious with anyone else. Alright, I’ll cut to the chase. Things are not as I thought they would be. It is not like I grew up with parents that had a fairy tale marriage, the Cleavers we were not. I can’t help but be concerned for my own marriage, things just don’t “seem” right. In my opinion people recently married and in their 20’s should be “hitting the sheets.” I know there isn’t another woman… Yeah yeah I know what they say but I KNOW. Needless to say the bed is far from hot and my thoughts are beginning to wander. My concern is what to do — pretty soon my thoughts won’t be all that are wandering… Any pearls of wisdom?
— Restless Lola
As far as hot sex is concerned, I don’t see how any couple can keep up with those crazy Cleavers. That was TV, not reality. Let go of the impossible standards.
Okay, now that I’ve gotten the wisecrack out of my system, let me suggest something the Cleavers didn’t have: counseling. Don’t worry about “should be”s; worry about — and trust — how you feel. If something’s wrong, do try to fix it. But if something’s missing in your bed, don’t look for it in someone else’s. That’s something Eddie Haskell would do, not you.
Do women reach their sexual peak in their thirties? That’s what folks say, often employing a saucy reference to (SPEAKING OF OLD) Sex and the City.
But an upbeat post at Your Tango begs to differ. Outing the original source of that old young wives tale (Kinsey, we’re looking at you!), it explains that actually each stage/decade of a woman’s sexual life offers a different set of advantages.
Although columnist/sex expert Dr. Trina Read oversimplifies the post-menopausal stage a bit, recent studies in both endocrinology and psychology (especially the work of Dr. Rossella Nappi) suggest that post-menopausal women do have problems with lowered desire and higher dysfunction, but can take measuresto overcome these problems and enjoy good sex for the rest of their lives.
A tribute to the dear departed quirktastic Idol with a voice even bigger than her glasses.
1. Siobhan pre-Idol (say what?), in a reality web-series (come again?) about the making of her high-school’s Oz show (really??) in which she hints at family tragedy (no!!!!) and how she has to care for her little sisters (awwww!!). (This will explain her emotion on the April 6 show.)
2. Siobhan did go to college at Salem State (not making it into Berklee) (Yet Ashley Rodriguez did?), but dropped out after a semester. Her mom was laid off from the bookstore and Siobhan became the primary breadwinner. This pre-top-24 interview makes it sound like dinner is not always a certainty in the Magnus household.
From our tipster: “This is like doing Pop Rocks and Coke…. put two great things together and IT’S SO GOOD IT CAN KILL YOU. These guys don’t quite do it up to its potential, but it’s just so cool to think, ‘Oh, man, you know what would ROCK? Is if Joss Whedon directed the Avengers. Ha! As IF….'”
…may include the fact that he is engaged to a woman 24 years older than him. (I have no problem with this. I just want to know what they talk about.) Still, as our tipster says, “I’m probably hopelessly wrong, but they both seem kind of adorable and unconventional. I’m a sucker for an ‘up yours, world!’ romance.”
Frankly, I am losing interest in my husband; he is not the man I married. We have known each other for a number of years and have been married for about two. The passion is gone. We rarely see each other because of his job and mine (about 12 hours a week if we are lucky). We have had numerous discussions and he leads me to believe he is no longer attracted to me because I have have gained weight (30 lbs.) since we married. The reasons for my weight gain are numerous: #1 would be the period of unemployment prior to my current job and the fact that there is absolutely nothing in the town we live in and I have no friends here. My true concern is how do I keep the flame alive? I have tried seduction, homemade meals, talking, time alone — frankly I am fresh out of ideas.
Filed under: Psychology — posted by Breakup Girl @ 10:06 am
Some smart observations from Echidne on the study we were annoyed by* a few days ago:
The study defines dating as a traditional male-initiated process: The man invites the woman, he picks her up, he treats her, he takes her back home. He can ask for sex and she can refuse it. Hooking-up, on the other hand, is defined as a fairly egalitarian process about necking or kissing or intercourse or whatever. Either party can initiate it.
Note that there is no third alternative, such as some kind of egalitarian dating with going Dutch. It’s important to keep that in mind in evaluating the study findings. We have no idea how the study participants would have ranked egalitarian dating.
4. The checklists of items the study used (for the subjects to agree or disagree about) were not identical for men and women. An example about the possible benefits of traditional dating:
For the benefits of traditional dating, we listed 36 possible benefits for men and 34 possible benefits for women. Twenty-seven of these benefits were identical for both genders (e.g., “Traditional dating is romantic”), with the remaining possible benefits gender specific (e.g., for men, “You can ask anyone you are interested in on a date”; for women, “You have the power to reject a date”).
Similar gender differences were applied to the checklist covering the possible risks of traditional dating. The checklists for the benefits of hooking-up were identical for both sexes but the checklists for the risks of hooking-up were not:
Two items were gender specific. (“Risk getting pregnant” vs. “Risk of getting partner pregnant” and “Can get a bad reputation for being ‘easy’ or a whore” vs. “Can get a bad reputation of using women”).
Why would such differences matter if they are not about the questions discussed in the above summary? Because the overall experience might affect the answers one gives. For instance, men get reminded about their responsibility in the concept of traditional dating this study used, and that reminder is different from the reminders women get.
That’s why my point about the two choices is an important one. The study did not ask how students would have felt about egalitarian dating.
*In that post, by the way, I should have specified that by “traditional dating” I didn’t mean boy-always-takes-lead dating; I just meant going-on-DATES-dating.