Overworked on July 13, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

My parents recently split up. Well now I live at home with my Dad. So now I am responsible for the housework. I feel like my Dad doesn’t understand how hard it is to have responsibilites one day when you’ve never had them before. He expects me to do all the house work and he NEVER helps me! To be quite honest he is a pig. Well now he is dating someone and all of his attention is directed to her. I feel like I am being neglected and unappreciated even more…. What should I do?

— Molly

BG gets to work after the jump!

Judging by appearances on July 13, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

Hey well…..I was wondering if you could give me some advice on how to deal when your parents won’t accept your boyfriend….C…..I live in a very small town…..and well….every1 has to live up to every1 else’s expectations….and if any1 here is just a little different…in which this case my boyfriend has a eye-brow piercing…and his ear’s pierced….and well no-one around here can accept it…so since no-1 else can except it…..my rents can’t…..I just want to know a way I can get them to actually see what kind of sweet, gentle guy he is….and that I love him…if you have any advice at all it would be sooo greatly appreciated…Thanx.

— Kristin

Breakup Girl to the rescue, after the jump!

Making acquaintances on July 13, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

Okay, here’s my situation: I’m a 24 year old male who moved away from my friends and family to attend a University. This college town has been my residence for the past six months; this is my first time away from home. Life is great for the most part except for one minor inconvenience: I don’t have a girlfriend or more importantly, friends.

Before I moved up here, I was surrounded by my tight group of cronies. I’ve even been fortunate enough to have a few relationships with some righteous babes. Now that I’m living on my own, I find it difficult to make friends. At school, there’s a few acquaintances that I sometimes chat with but I really don’t have a whole lot in common with them. So the chance of me hanging out with them is pretty slim. It seems like whenever I’m in a social situation I tend to clam up and make people think that I’m some kind of snobby bastard. In reality I’m actually a decent-looking, nice guy (no really, I am) so I’m not sure what my problem is.

Around town, I’ve seen a lot of local goddesses that I’m quite attracted to. It’s really not my style to go up to them and say, “Hey baby, if we were an alphabet I would put U and I next to each other.” All my relationships in the past have been initiated by her, meaning I have never played the part of the aggressor. Keep in mind that I have never been in love before and I’m beginning to think that I never will.

I have worked extremely hard to become independent and start my new life in this college town. There is no way in hell that I’m gonna move back home because of my loneliness. I’m not sure how much longer I can live without having any friends to drink beer with or any girls to snuggle with. I love being alone but I hate being lonely. Boy am I a mess.

–Dateless and Lonely

BG’s righteous answer after the jump!

MSN.com, Match.com, HappenMagazine.com: they’re in a healthy and satisfying 3-way relationship. Meaning that you can find MSN/Match.com’s “Ask Lynn” columns –penned by BG’s alter ego — over at Happen now as well.

This week Lynn responds to Solitary Sue, a 56-year-old widow having trouble finding love on line. The first problem is the men themselves — looking for hookups not relationships — and then

My second problem is that I do have a couple of disabilities. I am on oxygen for emphysema and am somewhat limited in mobility due to a severe back injury. How do I introduce that into conversation without chasing anyone off?

How can Sue present herself and find the right kind of men? Read the full letter and Lynn’s response over at Happen, then comment below.

Resisting the urge on July 13, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

My boyfriend dumped me about two weeks ago because “it wasn’t working out.” Then I found out that he cheated on me and then lied about it to my face. So why do I still miss him when he’s the one who treated me like crap? Shouldn’t I be glad that he’s out of my life? Instead, I’m on the verge of begging him to come back. WHY?????

— Karen

Dear Karen,

STOP:

1 – even considering begging him to come back

2 – thinking that you’re a freak for even considering begging him to come back.

It seems weird, but it’s normal. Wanting him back — at least in theory — is not necessarily about stooping to his level; it may also be about regaining the upper hand. It’s like, things didn’t turn out the way you’d planned; you want to be the one to call, “Uh-uh, DO-OVER!” You want the last word.

This is BG’s empowering interpretation. of your feelings. Use it instead of the one where you’re thinking “Maybe he wouldn’t cheat and lie if I do something differently next time.”

Love,
Breakup Girl

Coming clean on July 6, 1998...

Dear Breakup Girl,

I have a boyfriend in Japan, and I live in Seattle. We have decided to stay together for the summer and we aren’t supposed to be seeing other people. I, however, have met someone and I don’t know if I should tell my boyfriend or not. It’s just a summer thing and I still love my boyfriend very much. It’s just hard to go from being with someone everyday and then not seeing them for three months. If I told him, I know he would be very upset and would most likely break up with me. What should I do?

— Bridgett

Dear Bridgett,

If you break up with Summer Thing now, like before you even finish reading this letter, then you don’t have to tell your boyfriend. If you let it go until just before Japan Air flight #123 hits the ground, you do have to tell him.

Okay, now that you’re back, let me elaborate. (more…)

Stuck in the middle on June 29, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

Here’s the scenario. “Harry” and “Sally” are longtime friends in uncannily similar lines of work. Harry, who’s oozing unrequited smooches for Sally from every pore, finally busts a move just as Sally leaves for a job abroad for several months. She decides this is plausible, goes along, and they long distance it quite happily for awhile. Then they spend the summer working together, are actually in the same place, and Sally gets the wiggins. They travel through Europe together, on a Eurailpass to emotional hell, and eventually Sally pulls the plug. This being the real world, Harry’s seriously bruised–not the Billy Crystal kind of cutesy angst that ends in a charming speech that woos her back. Rather, they avoid each other for the better part of the year, then slowly start becoming friends again. But Harry, underneath the bruises, still oozes. (Vile, I know, but you know what I mean.) He’s a man of infinite braveness, so he starts blurring the ol’ friendship lines. Sally’s not sure what to do: she’s spooked about ending up alone, Harry is indisputably a great guy, and on paper it should be perfect. Yet: wiggins, which sometimes lift when she just enjoys hanging out with Harry, or sometimes return when she gets critical for him or starry-eyed for some perfect Mr. Right who’ll make her melt. Sally’s now out of town for the summer, there’s still no resolution, and Harry’s still twisting in the wind. AND…I’m the one whom Sally calls for a shoulder to be confused on. What do you think she should do, and how, as a friend, might I effectively help guide her in that direction?

— ABC

BG gives advice to the advice-giver after the jump!

Falling backward on June 29, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

My boyfriend and I broke up about three months ago, his choice, not mine. After the obligatory period of avoiding each other (while he hooked up with somebody else and I pined away for him), we’re finally becoming friends again. Now, he and and his new girlfriend are having problems, and he’s turning to me to both advise and comfort him with that and other issues. I consider myself mostly over him, but I know that it would take very little from him for me to fall head over heels–again. I know that some part of me is hoping that his aim is to hook up with me again, but I also know I’m only causing myself future trouble by allowing that thought at all. But the way he’s acting around me does seem to indicate some kind of more-than-friends interest. To complicate things further, we’re both going off to college in the fall. So do I allow myself to have dreams of a summer fling (the current girlfriend won’t be around much longer), or do I firmly squash them? It’s unlikely that I’ll find someone else this summer, so it’s not like I’d be putting my life on hold for him. What do I do?

— Wary and Wondering

Dear Wary,

No way should should he be turning to you for advice on your successor. Taaaa-cky, no fair. Forget the fix; you need to chill with your real friends before you go away. I am thus going to echo you and use a word that summer’s zealous overplanters and their neighbors usually wind up with way too much of:

SQUASH.

Love,
Breakup Girl

Put out of her misery on June 29, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I’m SO in love with this guy at my school. We have a REALLY small school, so everybody knows everybody else, and their business too. This means that “my guy” knows I like him. He used to flirt quite a bit with me. Then my friends told him I liked him. They told me that they told him. Then, one day out of the blue, he told some of my friends that he doesn’t like it when I flirt with him, and that he doesn’t like me “in that way.” They told me for one reason, and one reason only, so I wouldn’t get more hurt in the long run. My friends are very sensitive and caring, so I KNOW they’re not lying. I’m still hurt by this. Every once in a while he’ll talk to me, but not very often. Now that summer is approaching, and both him and I live on farms, we’ll NEVER see each other. I’ve had loads of guys ask me out before, it’s just that I only like one guy, and I CAN’T HAVE HIM!! How can I go about getting him to like me?? How can I get him to ask me out?? PLEASE HELP ME!!

— Hurt and Confused Chick

BG’s advice after the jump

Coming home on June 22, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I dated this guy for a year and a half, and for months he has not been speaking to me, I finally blew him off in a letter (no other way when I’m at school, he’s never home, and of course won’t call me back), saying that I never wanted to hear from him again, not that I ever thought I would. Well, someone had to cut the cord.

All well and good, right? Well, it’s summer, and I’m dreading coming home (I’m going to summer school here partly to avoid him — but I’ll be home half the summer anyway) because I know I’ll run into him (we live in one of those towns where you run into everyone eventually). My mother just told me that she’d run into him a few days ago (he looked embarrassed — he should).

(more…)