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October 31, 2011

This week at Happen: My sex drive keeps dwindling…

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 9:01 am

MSN.com, Match.com, HappenMagazine.com: they’re in a healthy and satisfying 3-way relationship. Meaning that you can find MSN/Match.com’s “Ask Lynn” columns –penned by BG’s alter ego — over at Happen now as well.

This week Lynn hears from Cold Front, who’s seen the same problem crop up over the years in all of her serious relationships:

I feel so sure about my feelings, but a year or more into the relationship I seem to lose interest and the desire for sex with my partner.

Is this weird or natural? Lynn examines three possibilities. Read the full letter at Happen, then come back here and tell us what you think below!

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October 28, 2011

Love is a chronic condition too

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 9:15 am

Helping a friend on August 24, 1998

Dear Breakup Girl,

I enjoy your advice immensely but I’ve never seen this issue tackled before. I’m a female friend of a wonderful guy who is in his mid-thirties, a doctor, funny, intelligent, handsome — and all that, but over the last two years he has developed an increasingly debilitating severe lower-back problem. He has no trouble getting women, but for the last two serious relationships he has had (both with women in their mid-twenties), one of which lasted about a year, and the most recent which lasted about 8 months, he feels that initially things go great but as the relationship progresses and he starts spending more and more time with his girlfriend, that she becomes aware of his “chronic pain condition” and how truly limiting it is - he spends a lot of time at doctors, a LOT of bed-rest with icepack on his back, TENs units — things like that. So he ends up not being able to do all the things that people dating can so often do — ie. go to movies, bike ride, travel, etc.

His last girlfriend just dumped him a few days ago saying that “some spark was missing.” Well, no kidding, he’s in a lot of pain, he get’s depressed, and he’s forced to be inactive a lot! He may or may not be able to have back surgery for his particular problem, and even then he will probably never have normal mobility.

(more…)

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October 27, 2011

Multiplication tabled

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 8:40 am

Feeling the pressure on August 24, 1998

Dear Breakup Girl,

This urgent request for advice comes to you after many, many long hours of introspection, second-guessing, bad dreams, and profesional therapy.

I have been in a relationship with Robert for over four years. We have been exclusive for that entire time, and even lived together for one year. I moved out of his apartment about 7 months ago, and we have been going through a very stressful period of almost breaking up, and then trying again since then.

Although we have some pretty basic communication problems, and do tend to push each other’s buttons a little too much, the main problem has boiled down to my wanting to get married and start a family, and his not wanting the responibility of children in his life.

I am 36 (he’s 42) and for me the ticking has suddenly become VERY loud. I do love him, and we have a special connection that I’m afraid I may not find again with someone else. But he has made it clear that his feeling about having a family are not going to change, and I am left with the choice — stay with him and give up my desire for a family, or move on, and hope that within the next four years or so, I will meet someone, who will want all the same things I do.

I have been struggling with this situation for so long, and I just can’t seem to find the answer. It is truly making me crazy, and any help, or insights you can give would be a blessing.

–Viki

BG’s take after the jump!

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October 26, 2011

Wait and see?

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 8:49 am

Taking it slow on August 24, 1998

Dear Breakup Girl,

I’m 28, I’ve been dating a guy for about three weeks, we’ve gone out 5-6 times, and I enjoy going out with him. But, hmmmmm…. I don’t feel any great overwhelming, surrender to me romantic attraction at this point. I thought I did initially, but even at the time I think I knew it was Affection Deprivation Syndrome (I hadn’t had any male-based attention in about 5 months after a pretty painless breakup). The problem is, I have always been a slow burner as far as men are concerned. I go along thinking so and so is a good midnight breakfast buddy and then one day I’m making my apartment lemony-fresh and thinking of something he said and laughing or out with a group of people and wishing I was with him and I can’t get him or the way he makes me feel out of my head. So I don’t know. I feel like this has the potential to turn into that, but I can never tell (time frame on these feelings is usually 4 - 6 months). The thing is, how do I tell him I don’t feel it now, but I might feel it in a little while, but I can’t be sure? Is this impossible? Is this leading him on? From what I know of him so far, he’s got his heart on his sleeve 24-7, so the friend thing would be really hard for him to handle, even though I would work on that level. And I would never string him along as a backup man (I know how bad that feels from past experience). So what can I do?

Sincerely,
Kickin’ it Slo-mo Style

BG’s answer after the jump!

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October 25, 2011

Kissing FAIL

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 9:20 am

Never been kissed before August 24, 1998

Dear Breakup Girl,

I’ve tried writing to advice columns before, but not once have I seen/heard a response. I’m trying again, though, in hopes that you can help me out.

First of all, I’ll start by saying I’m a fifteen year old girl. A SHY fifteen year old girl. Before this year, I’ve never been kissed. Sure, I’ve gone out with guys before, but that was “kid stuff” and nothing happened.

Anyway, this year I met this guy, Greg. He was a senior, I was a freshman, but we were really alike, and immediately became friends. After a month or so, a mutual friend set us up. We started seeing each other soon after that.

One day I was over at his house, and we were watching a movie. Halfway through the movie, he leaned in for the “big kiss.” He had kissed me before, but they were just pecks. This time it was more than that. When I realized what was happening, I got nervous, and I was afraid I would do the wrong thing. In result, I pretty much messed up the whole kiss, and ruined the moment. I guess what made me nervous was the fact that I knew he had much more experience than I, and I didn’t want him to think of me as inexperienced. But because of that, I probably looked more inexperienced than I could have.

(more…)

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October 24, 2011

My ex is acting like a jealous boyfriend!

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 8:25 am

Asked and answered on August 24, 1998

Dear Breakup Girl,

I dated a guy for five months and spent basically 24/7 with him. We had a great relationship — in all ways that he even discussed me moving 300 miles away with him.

One day he says to me that he thinks that I want more out of this relationship (ie: marriage) and that it was over. Of course I was shocked and hurt and devestated, but I understood where he was coming from. He never got love and attention at home and wasn’t sure he could give it or even understand it. He says he would like to remain friends and could he call me. I agreed.

Now the problem. Every time we talk, the discussion seems to end up on sex. We did have a great sex life, but we haven’t been together that way in 5 months. I don’t know what he’s thinking. He talks to my friends about me and is constantly asking me if I’m dating.

I’ve told him that all of the above is none of his business but it continues. Should I just say “This is too much. You’re not acting like a friend — more like a jealous boyfriend! Which you’re not, and I can’t do this anymore!” or what? Help!!!

– Shannon


Dear Shannon,

That is exactly what you should say.

Love,
Breakup Girl

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October 21, 2011

Off the honor roll

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 9:04 am

A long one from August 24, 1998

Dear Breakup Girl,

It’s my first time on your website, and I think it’s great that people could write to someone and get some advice. (I found that my friends have given me pretty biased opinions about my situation!)

I went out with this guy for three, almost four years. We started going out when we were 15, which I realize now was too young. It ended pretty badly . We have broken up and gotten back together many times before. We actually broke up, but kept dragging the relationship on before we really went our separate ways. We had a really close relationship; there was nothing I could keep from him. He was my bestfriend. I lost my virginity to him and he lost his to me. We did everything together and we were inseparable. Towards the end, I had doubts about my feelings towards him. I started to have feelings for another guy that I was friends with. Basically, I ended up telling my boyfriend that I couldn’t see him anymore because of the other guy. He wasn’t too impressed. I wanted to be the one to tell him because people in my school always talked, and I figured it was only a matter of time before he heard. He yelled and cursed at me, and I ended up hanging up on him, bawling my head off. He kept trying to call me back, but I refused to talk to him. He dropped a letter off at my house an hour later.

(Two days before this happened we slept together and it was amazing. I guess he felt more for me than I did for him though) He wrote that he would always love me, but at the same time he would never resent anyone as much as he resented me for what I did. He really lost respect for me when I did what I did, and I fully understood that.

Anyway, I never ended up with that other guy because not too long after that I found out that I was pregnant. I come from a very Catholic and very strict family. There was no way I could keep the child considering the person I needed to be there hated me, and it was my own fault he did. I had to get an abortion and I did. Only one other person knew of this.

(more…)

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October 20, 2011

Family, photos

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 8:35 am

Sorting it out on August 24, 1998

Dear Breakup Girl,

My boyfriend and I broke up five weeks ago, after a little over a year. Mostly he broke up with me, but I sort of put myself in the way of it, too.

Tensions had been building for a few months. I was really in love, and it was pretty painful to be “too serious” with an otherwise wonderful, lovable guy who would every now and then begin talking about his fantasy around-the-world solo adventure, complete with sex and the exotic, unknown foreign woman. You can see how that might bother me.

He was a great guy in most ways, but when they talk about the “Seinfeld phenomenon” of men who don’t want to grow up…well, that was this guy, I think. Really nice, really smart, really sensitive and sensual…and really afraid of settling down and being in love with a great, gainfully employed, attractive, healthy woman who wants a life with someone. Why, he might miss out on a one-night stand with another one of the addictive-personality emotional train wrecks he dated before he met me…OK, I’m a little bitter.

Now, I miss him like hell.

(more…)

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October 19, 2011

Two or more playahs

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 7:32 am

A twofer from August 24, 1998

Dear Breakup Girl,

Okay, two questions.

1) Say you were hooking up with (OK, sleeping with) a guy for a month. Literally every night. Also you’ve known the guy for a year, pretty well, and been friends. He gets out of your bed one Saturday morning and asks you what you’re doing later that day. You then don’t hear from him for oh maybe three weeks. Then you call his machine to point out you have a bunch of his clothes at your apartment. Then you find out he’s been going out with his ex girlfriend and a lot of your “friends” know about it and have not told you. Then say you feel really depressed not to mention you feel like a really really big tool. Say you are normally a cool person. What do you do? Thanks, please help, I need it.

Now my roommate:

(more…)

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October 18, 2011

Tactical retreat

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 8:52 am

Going the distance on August 24, 1998

Dear Breakup Girl,

Please help me. I haven’t ended a relationship, it’s just in suspended animation; which makes it harder because when you break up you move on and there’s some kind of closure. My boyfriend of three years is a military guy and just got transported to the other side of the earth for one year. Before he left he refused to make a commitment and told me it was “highly probable” he’d come back to me. (The issue of remaining monogamous prompted his response, said he didn’t know if he could). I made it clear that monogamy is what I expect even from 10,000 miles away. (Hey, if I can do it, so can he, right?) I was prepared to say goodbye when he left.

Anyway, now that he’s been gone for 8 weeks, he’s like a different person. He e-mails me the most sappy lovesick notes everyday, tells me how much he misses me and how lonely he is. He reassures me he’s not interested in being with anyone else because he loves me and doesn’t want to lose me. Hey, he even wrote me a letter with tear marks on it because he got emotional writing the thing. What am I to do? Believe the nonchalant man than was noncommital before our separation? Or, believe the emotional wreck that seems to have realized what a good thing he has? I am so confused at this point I’m going crazy. Help!

– Michele

BG clears things up after the jump!

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