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March 27, 2009

The trouble with porn

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 9:36 am

Yeah, our site got blacklisted on January 26, 1998

Dear Breakup Girl,

I have been dating this guy for a year and a half. The problem is that he likes porno, but does not like to view it together. He hides books and goes on the Internet to view it. I don’t think I would mind it that much … but he does not tend to my needs. I don’t think sex once a week or less is enough. I know he pleasures himself more than that with that trash. I just don’t understand. It hurts me. It makes me feel as if I am not good enough. I desperately need advice about this. Please help. Is it time to move on?

– Megan

 
Dear Megan,

Breakup Girl loves to get into enormous, unresolvable debates about the nature of porn and its effect on the status of women in society. But that’s not — at least, not directly — what’s at issue here. Many healthy couples do, in fact, enhance their sex life in a healthy, consensual manner with festive viewings of “Debbie Does Dawson’s Creek” — and that’s their business.

But I’m sure you noticed that I said their sex life. What is at issue here is exactly what you say: that (a) he does the porn thing solo and on the sly, (b) your “needs” get left out, and (c) you feel inferior.

There’s an article about this very problem in Issue #10 of Bust magazine (click here to read virtual Bust) R. F. Missus writes: “I told him to hit the road. He kept calling, saying he wanted to work it out and get back together… I inquired, ‘What about the porn issue?’ … He said ‘I don’t understand what the big deal is. It has nothing to do with you.’

Exactly.”

Yes, ma’am. It’s time for you to start writing the script for “Megan Moves On.”

Love,
Breakup Girl

4 Comments »

  1. I agree with Breakup Girl’s assessment. There are several problems here.

    1) Megan’s boyfriend is not meeting her sexual needs.
    2) Megan’s boyfriend is not willing to make porn something they do jointly. (It’s possible he views it as something shameful, or it’s possible he’s reluctant because Megan thinks it’s “trash”.)
    3) Megan’s boyfriend is concealing elements of his porn usage from her, and this kind of secret can be toxic to a relationship.
    4) It hurts Megan and lowers her self-esteem.

    Any of these (not meeting your partner’s needs, blocking your partner out of part of your life, keeping a toxic secret, or lowering your partner’s self-esteem) could end a relationship … without porn being involved at all.

    It’s possible that my current girlfriend and I will try watching porn together and see if it adds anything to the experience. I will, however, let it be HER suggestion.

    Comment by Karl R — March 27, 2009 @ 12:45 pm

  2. Serious lack of communication here. He either needs to get over the “dirty feeling” when dealing with porn and share it with her or ditch the porn all together for benefit of the relationship. Maybe if Megan was more ocal about her acceptance of porn he would be willing and open…IMHO

    Comment by Live Webcam Porn — January 29, 2010 @ 2:23 pm

  3. “debates about the nature of porn and its effect on the status of women in society” i think “society” has it back ward. Although there are women that are exploileted, like street walkers and such, I think that women are the ones that are the ones that HAVE the control and CHOOSE to give it away or feel “bad.” There should be more Jenna Jamesons and Traci Lords out there. Smart sexy business women that understand what it means to be sexy and weild that power effectively.

    Comment by Tracy - pre-menopause-symptoms — February 3, 2010 @ 4:19 pm

  4. [...] Breakup Girl » The trouble with pornMar 27, 2009 … The trouble with porn. Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 9:36 am. Yeah, our site got blacklisted on January 26, 1998… … [...]

    Pingback by Trouble porn | Dinsersfarm — August 4, 2011 @ 5:12 pm

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