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“Saving Love Lives The World Over!” e-mail e-mail to a friend in need

March 27, 2009

The trouble with porn

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 9:36 am

Yeah, our site got blacklisted on January 26, 1998

Dear Breakup Girl,

I have been dating this guy for a year and a half. The problem is that he likes porno, but does not like to view it together. He hides books and goes on the Internet to view it. I don’t think I would mind it that much … but he does not tend to my needs. I don’t think sex once a week or less is enough. I know he pleasures himself more than that with that trash. I just don’t understand. It hurts me. It makes me feel as if I am not good enough. I desperately need advice about this. Please help. Is it time to move on?

— Megan

 
Dear Megan,

Breakup Girl loves to get into enormous, unresolvable debates about the nature of porn and its effect on the status of women in society. But that’s not — at least, not directly — what’s at issue here. Many healthy couples do, in fact, enhance their sex life in a healthy, consensual manner with festive viewings of “Debbie Does Dawson’s Creek” — and that’s their business.

But I’m sure you noticed that I said their sex life. What is at issue here is exactly what you say: that (a) he does the porn thing solo and on the sly, (b) your “needs” get left out, and (c) you feel inferior.

There’s an article about this very problem in Issue #10 of Bust magazine (click here to read virtual Bust) R. F. Missus writes: “I told him to hit the road. He kept calling, saying he wanted to work it out and get back together… I inquired, ‘What about the porn issue?’ … He said ‘I don’t understand what the big deal is. It has nothing to do with you.’

Exactly.”

Yes, ma’am. It’s time for you to start writing the script for “Megan Moves On.”

Love,
Breakup Girl

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