Globetrotting on January 26, 1998…
Dear Breakup Girl,
I have been with my boyfriend or more than four years. He is from Boston and I am from Malaysia. We met in Hong Kong four years ago. Four months ago, he got transferred to Singapore. Though we see each other a lot, I feel frustrated because I have to fly down three to four times a month. I am a flight attendant, so it’s pretty cheap for me to travel, and he makes the effort to see me as well. But recently we’ve fought a lot. We fight over the issue of who’s not doing their share of the relationship. Whenever a problem arises, he pushes me away. He said he cannot deal with this, especially when he’s so stressed at work. I love this guy with all my heart. Please help.
Do you know how many — and how often — long distance couples all over the world say to one another, “Sigh. If only one of use were a flight attendant…”? But you really are a flight attendant! Holy cow! You are an inspiration to us all.
Unfortunately, however, Singapore Sam is not. Sounds to Breakup Girl like he’s prepared for departure. Long-distance relationships are — duh — tough. But the distance itself is not necessarily the only reason they crash; in other words, it’s not automatically the case that things would work out “if it weren’t for the distance.” In fact, long-distance things tend to exhibit the same problems you’d be having anyway, writ large. And so, if you ask me, it’s time to get out of this holding pattern.