Big To Do
About Us

“Saving Love Lives The World Over!” e-mail e-mail to a friend in need

April 3, 2009

Old Flames: Don’t Get Burned

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 9:31 am

Reruns from February 2, 1998

Laura writes: I’m 36, divorced (for over five years), and have been seeing a great guy for four months. But last week, a guy I fell head over heels for a year ago came back into my life (after having moved away for a year). I really like the guy I’m seeing, but have never felt that “magic” with him — as so wonderfully talked about in “Sleepless In Seattle” in the attic scene with the old wedding dress. I did feel “magic” with Mr. Return.

My plan of action is to spend time with Mr. Return on a non-sexual, nothing but friends basis to see if there is, truly something there. I want to be fair to the guy I’m dating, as well as to my soul — after all, I so want to find my destiny, and believe that abiding love has that “magic.” Do you have any other ideas? Do I sound like I’m totally barking up the wrong tree? Your advice is most welcome.

Lois Lane writes: I’ve been married for seven years (not happily) and about a year ago I met up with my ex-boyfriend from high school. It was like we never broke up. My husband can provide for me with material things but not emotionally. On the other hand my ex is there for me emotionally, but not for material things. Should I divorce my husband or should I stay for the sake of the kids? I’m so sad!

Carolyn writes: My husband and I are getting a divorce after five years. I married him simply because didn’t have the guts to say anything. First year was okay, but after two he cheated on me five times. I forgave him for some stupid reason and we moved away from our hometown. The last year and a half he has been anything and everything that I ever wanted in a man. But it’s still not enough so I told him to move out. And if that’s not enough, I’m still in love with the boyfriend I had before my husband. We still talk but he says he’s married for now, and you never know if we’ll get back together. He gives me hope. What I am asking is …

1) Am I making a mistake by leaving what seems to be a good man that I don’t think I ever loved? (We also have a 3 year old.) 
2) Will I ever love anyone again like I love my ex? And do you think there is a chance of reuniting? Please respond before mid-February because that is when I planned on filing for divorce.

Tommy Bot It writes: I am middle-aged and retain the title of “single.” Recently I got a phone call from my first love, whom I last saw around twenty years ago. She is currently seeking divorce from a troublesome marriage. Our lives have changed, but we both still have somewhat of a flame burning. Would it be a terrible mistake to pursue this venture?

Dear Laura, Lois, Carolyn, and Tommy,

Contrary to popular belief, Breakup Girl does not know everything. So, to answer your questions, I am borrowing heavily — as I’ve done before — from actual research done by Nancy Kalish, Ph.D., a developmental psychologist at California State University and author of Lost and Found Lovers: Facts and Fantasies of Rekindled Romance (Morrow, 1997) .

First, here’s reunions 101 for everyone: 
The past: Why did you break up the first time? If the reasons were related more to ill-timed circumstances (s/he was transferred to Babelthuap) than to apparently irreconcilable differences (s/he didn’t like “Babe”), you’ve got a better shot the next time around. 
The in-between stage: How long has it been? Breaking up on Monday and reuniting on Tuesday because you’re afraid to watch “Baby Monitor: Sound of Fear” alone does not count. The more time that’s passed — paradoxically, the farther you’ve moved on — the healthier your comeback may be. 
The present: Hi, how’s your life? Are you adrift, casting about for direction, coping with a loss or change? If so, you may be hoping/groping futilely for a knight/Xena-in-shining-armor. But if you honestly feel like you have all your ducks in a row — except one really cute one — then you’re best prepared to say “I got you back, babe” (and best prepared to cope if Take 2 tanks). 
The third party: Is either of you married? Reunions — even those initiatied innocently — are highly combustible. Proceed with caution.


Laura: Your tentative plan with Mr. Return sounds reasonable to me. Use it as a chance to check his intentions against the above.

Lois and Carolyn: When your present is less than lukewarm, the past — especially when high school hormones are involved — can feel pretty darn hot. Still, your [re]attachment to past loves is serving to fill in what clearly are blank spaces in your marriages. It’s not so much a matter of choosing between the two men (especially for Carolyn) as it is a matter of using the situation to decide whether your current marriage is one you can stay in; your actual future with Man from Past is a secondary, separate matter. And about the “for the children” thing. I don’t mean to trivialize divorce or its effect on children. But I’m not convinced that two estranged parents create a healthier environment than a single, stable mom or dad.

Tommy: Tread on eggshells until her walking papers are good and filed; then run toward each other in slow motion in a field of daisies. One word of caution for your heart: she may very well have realized that you’re her true love — but there’s also the chance that she’s rebounding…backwards.


  1. viagra cost low

    generic viagra

    cheap viagra online

    kaufen sie marke viagra

    Comment by YiksiChums — August 9, 2017 @ 5:08 am

  2. purchase 60mg cialis


    buy canadian cialis

    cialis why cause leg aches

    Comment by KoloChums — August 9, 2017 @ 6:09 am

  3. loan direct
    pay day loans usa
    lending tree bad credit
    payday loans online USA

    Comment by Smignee — August 9, 2017 @ 3:57 pm

  4. online direct lenders
    pay day loans
    advance cash
    payday loans

    Comment by Poohyday — August 9, 2017 @ 5:35 pm

  5. cialis official price

    cialis cheap

    buy cialis online

    prix cialis 5 mg boite de 28

    Comment by YukiChums — August 10, 2017 @ 8:29 am

  6. where to get a loan
    cash advance
    easy loans with bad credit
    payday loans online

    Comment by DokAlkaw — August 10, 2017 @ 2:26 pm

  7. viagra boners
    cheap viagra online
    difference between viagra and cialis
    generic viagra online

    Comment by eromync — August 10, 2017 @ 5:19 pm

  8. cialis e genericos

    order cialis

    order cialis

    cialis 20 mg precio farmacias

    Comment by YukiChums — August 10, 2017 @ 8:36 pm

  9. online personal loans for bad credit
    payday loans online
    online loan lenders
    payday loans

    Comment by Poohyday — August 10, 2017 @ 10:13 pm

  10. I got this web site from my pal who told me about this site and now
    this time I am visiting this web page and reading very informative content at this place.

    Comment by Đà Nẵng — August 10, 2017 @ 10:44 pm

  11. payday loans today
    payday loans
    365 day loan
    payday express

    Comment by Quitrub — August 10, 2017 @ 11:24 pm

  12. ez cash
    payday loans online
    small loans without credit checks
    payday loans online

    Comment by DokAlkaw — August 10, 2017 @ 11:25 pm

  13. cialis 10 nebenwirkungen

    http://cialisnoscriptg.com/ – buy cialis

    cheap cialis

    click now soft cialis

    Comment by MoisesChums — August 11, 2017 @ 4:31 am

  14. payday loan bad credit
    payday loans online
    how to get money quick
    loans for bad credit

    Comment by Mydrak — August 11, 2017 @ 12:18 pm

  15. sunday payday loans
    loans for bad credit
    how to borrow money
    cash advance

    Comment by Poohyday — August 11, 2017 @ 6:23 pm

  16. thuoc cialis 5mg

    http://cialisnoscriptg.com/ – cialis online

    cialis without doctor prescription

    long cialis side effects term

    Comment by MoisesChums — August 11, 2017 @ 6:35 pm

  17. grand escompte de cialis

    http://cialisnoscriptg.com/ – cialis generic

    buy cialis

    price cialis walmart,

    Comment by MoisesChums — August 11, 2017 @ 8:33 pm

  18. how do payday loans work
    loans for bad credit
    lending com
    payday express

    Comment by hassilt — August 12, 2017 @ 3:05 am

  19. only best offers 5mg viagra

    generic viagra

    discount viagra

    viagra 12.5 mg effects

    Comment by GermanChums — August 12, 2017 @ 3:54 am

  20. Looking for sturdy and durable industrial shelving?.

    Comment by supermarket equipments — August 13, 2017 @ 12:24 am

  21. private loan
    payday loans USA
    no fee payday loans
    payday loans Houston

    Comment by Poohyday — August 13, 2017 @ 3:20 am

  22. loans with poor credit
    personal loans
    money loans for bad credit
    personal loans

    Comment by Provand — August 13, 2017 @ 5:59 am

  23. buy viagra 2 tablets only

    http://viagraonlineops.com/ – buy viagra

    buy viagra online

    ou acheter viagra

    Comment by GenolChums — August 13, 2017 @ 1:16 pm

  24. payday loans chicago
    payday loans
    long term payday loans
    loans for bad credit

    Comment by hassilt — August 13, 2017 @ 1:32 pm

  25. starter loans
    personal loans
    unsecured loan
    payday express

    Comment by apogela — August 13, 2017 @ 3:32 pm

  26. use viagra
    viagra online
    viagra stories
    viagra generic

    Comment by clocaix — August 13, 2017 @ 3:50 pm

  27. apply for credit
    loans for bad credit
    direct lender loans for bad credit
    loans for bad credit

    Comment by apogela — August 13, 2017 @ 10:47 pm

  28. online roulette paypal
    online casino real money
    virtual casino review
    online casino
    gambling websites legal us

    Comment by DavidHok — August 13, 2017 @ 11:21 pm

  29. cash advance direct lenders
    pay day loans
    3000 loan
    payday loans

    Comment by apogela — August 14, 2017 @ 12:04 am

  30. bad credit personal loan lenders
    loans for bad credit
    loan for bad credit
    payday express

    Comment by SmadeDet — August 14, 2017 @ 7:16 am

  31. purchase viagra online
    generic viagra
    cheap viagra 100mg
    viagra cheap

    Comment by trialia — August 14, 2017 @ 2:34 pm

  32. viagra long term use
    viagra online
    main ingredient in viagra
    generic viagra online

    Comment by Quitrub — August 14, 2017 @ 6:43 pm

  33. generic vs original viagra

    http://viagraprofessionalok.com/ – online viagra

    viagra buy

    precio female viagra barcelona

    Comment by SofiyaChums — August 15, 2017 @ 12:04 am

  34. high limit slot bonus wins
    roulette online
    hollywood casino online slots
    online casino australia baccarat

    Comment by RobertRer — August 15, 2017 @ 12:42 am

  35. cialis dosage side effect

    http://cialisactiveokl.com/ – discount cialis

    cialis generic

    cialis to sublingual buy nz

    Comment by SofiyaChums — August 15, 2017 @ 5:16 pm

  36. online cialis reviews

    generic cialis

    cialis cheap

    venta de pildora de cialis

    Comment by SofiyaChums — August 15, 2017 @ 10:36 pm

  37. acquistare viagra generico

    http://viagraprofessionalok.com/ – viagra generic

    cheap viagra

    cheapest viagra in nz

    Comment by SofiyaChums — August 16, 2017 @ 12:35 am

  38. rx store cialis

    http://buyxocialishnline.com/ – cialis cheap

    buy cialis

    try it cialis online australia

    Comment by MoisesChums — August 17, 2017 @ 6:57 pm

  39. Very great post. I just stumbled upon your weblog and wished to mention that
    I’ve truly enjoyed surfing around your weblog posts.

    In any case I’ll be subscribing on your feed and I
    am hoping you write again soon!

    Here is my site :: Jadwal Pertandingan

    Comment by Jadwal Pertandingan — August 18, 2017 @ 3:47 am

  40. Have you ever considered about including
    a little bit more than just your articles? I mean, what you say is valuable and all.
    But think of if you added some great visuals or videos to give
    your posts more, “pop”! Your content is excellent but with images
    and video clips, this blog could certainly be one of the most beneficial
    in its niche. Terrific blog!

    Comment by trading penny stocks — August 18, 2017 @ 9:26 pm

RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URL

Leave a comment

**Mean or otherwise out-of-line comments will be deleted. That’s just how we roll.


blog | advice | comics | animation | goodies | to do | archive | about us

Breakup Girl created by Lynn Harris & Chris Kalb
© 2008 Just Friends Productions, Inc.
| privacy policy
Cool Aid!

Important Breakup Girl Maxim:
Breakup Girl Sez


Powered by WordPress