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May 20, 2008

Looking for love in all the same places

Filed under: Psychology,TV — posted by Maria @ 4:14 pm

For those of you in a re-relationship like mine, it turns out we are not the freaks our friends try to make us out to be. In fact there’s an entire subset of relationships — with their own TV role models, of course — that have risen from the very ashes of their own breakups. (Again, and again, and again.)

According to a recent article in the Contra Costa Times, the cycle of breaking up and making up with the same person — you know, in the inimitable words of Charlene: “That man you fought with this morning, the same one you’re going to make love to tonight” — has a lot to do with our biological makeup, our fears of being alone, and, in some “extreme” cases, an addiction to the “I love, I mean hate, I mean LOVE you” drama.

Lisa Gray, a marriage and family therapist, says: “[These couples] get addicted to that up and down of emotion. The more quiet, stable love is not really cultivated as something to be respected. Just watch the common TV shows. These loud breakups-and-get-back-togethers are what get the attention.”

If that’s the case, I, for one, would be perfectly happy to spend the rest of my life never getting any attention ever again. Quiet, stable love, where are you?


  1. Familiarity is attractive, as are the qualities which attracted you to the person in the first place.

    Comment by Lee Coles — May 20, 2008 @ 4:30 pm

  2. After going thru the re-relationship with my last boyfriend FOUR times, I finally broke the cycle!!! I came to the realization that the qualities I thought were great never really existed and that we were both looking for something, just drowning by ourselves and kept grasping the closest thing that we could find. And, after a lot of tears, Kleenex, chocolate and bottles of Riesling, I can now ignore his phone calls and texts and move on with my life.

    Comment by Heidi — May 20, 2008 @ 8:31 pm

  3. It really blows when your alone and lonely and your mind plays tricks on you. You start magnifying the good qualities of your last break up and minimizing the bad. The next think you know, you are feeling lonely and horny. Then the worst part – you pick up the phone and call them to get together. Inevitably you feel bad afterwards and beat yourself up for being so weak.

    The only thing that worked for me to break the cycle is finding someone new.

    Comment by Joe — May 25, 2008 @ 5:52 pm

  4. Sometimes I think people blame their partner for a relationship dynamic that they’ve developed together. Changing partners isn’t going to change you. There are times when you have to grow up, not just move on.

    Comment by Cheri — May 27, 2008 @ 8:33 pm

  5. What hurts most is to be in a relationship with someone and know that they are using your love for them against you. Having as many highs as lows in the relationship. Being pursued and then abandoned. Then after many tears and having tasted the many bottles of reisling at the local liquor store, I have come to the realization that I was in the relationship for the wrong reasons instead of the right ones. The one good thing that I can take with me from my last dissapointing relationship is, that it was a valuable learning experience and hope it will help me find that special one among the many in the future.

    Comment by Madeline — June 11, 2008 @ 12:34 pm

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