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June 18, 2008

A Breakup Too Far

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 10:50 am

Classic LetterGetting practical on January 9, 1998

Dear Breakup Girl,
What about a long-distance breakup? Should you meet one last time to do it, or do it over the phone?
— Johan

Dear Johan,
How long is long? If you’re talking about, say, the distance between Minneapolis and St. Paul, face-to-face is kinder and gentler, allowing for meaningful handholding, forlorn looks, etc. But if she’s going to spend big bucks to jet from Chicago to Madagascar only to get dumped — or if you’re going to show up on her doorstep after an overnight journey, dump her, and then need a place to stay — I say dial those digits. Unless, of course, you think that the resulting phone bill will be roughtly equivalent to transatlantic airfare (first-class).
Breakup Girl


  1. If dollars and cents are your concern then the cheapest way would of course be to just stop calling her/answering her calls. Eventually she’ll get the message. This method also cuts out the awkward, awful ‘It’s not you, it’s me’ conversation. (JOKE, everyone – I am not a callous git, I promise! 😀 )

    Comment by Ian Romaine — June 20, 2008 @ 9:32 am

  2. This in response to the June 20th .. WHO PAYS… so yo may need to move after. I just have a couple of things.

    1. First dates – always split 50/50. – This is the deal breaker or maker, and to be honest I am quite tired of women expecting men to pay just be cause we asked you out. Guess what, realistically most dates are MEN asking WOMEN out, 70 to 80% of the time. I’ve many lady friends who all share the concept that a MAN asks a WOMAN out. Sure there are some who are into the new relationship where a WOMAN can ask a MAN out. Automatically your “wisdom” encourages for the women to go out for a “first date” and enjoy, while the man pays – 70-80% of the time. I’ve found very few who’d qualify to a return of a second date, and even fewer who qualify for third and subsequent dates. What has worked for me is doing something that is very low cost for the “first date”, walks in the park with a pet, coffee, pic-nics, rollerblading, beach outing, hiking, biking, etc. This eases tension of “who pays” and generates the atmosphere or fun and relaxtion, and allows me to more easily assess a person’s character.

    2. Subsequent dates – Who ever asks the other out to the event pays. Full agreement here, and usually this gets worked out between us well before hand.

    Comment by Tired of Paying — June 20, 2008 @ 1:04 pm

  3. been there. had to do an email. bf called right after. totally crazy.

    ignoring is just MEAN. and jackassy. (non joking withstanding)

    its also tacky and wrong. shows you dont even care. it might work if it was a few dates but not if you’ve been going out for awhile…

    Comment by karen — June 20, 2008 @ 1:31 pm

  4. Hi Karen,

    I agree completely with your assessment of the ignoring technique and would never, ever seriously suggest it – I was just trying to bring a bit of debate and light-heartedness to this page as there still wasn’t a single comment at that point.

    Hope that clarifies things!



    Comment by Ian Romaine — June 20, 2008 @ 8:12 pm

  5. Women need closure and it appears that men need to run away and ignore them. This leads to all sorts of unnessary pain and suffering for both. Dudes, if you want to break up just do it, tell us what you think your reason is and then run if you have to. Oh and please give us back our stuff. A box left on my front step will do. Also don’t wait until I am somewhere waiting for you for some planned much anticipated event to break up with me. Tell me before I get there so I can stay home and watch TV instead of being all dressed up and miserable.
    There is no really right way to break up and I understand that. Please just try to make sure the way you do isn’t extra wrong. There is enough pain in the world without adding unnecessary problems. Minimalism can be a good thing

    Comment by lynn — June 26, 2008 @ 10:27 pm

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