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July 2, 2008

Talk of shame

Filed under: News,Psychology — posted by Amanda @ 5:18 am

The New York Daily News, our fair city’s runner-up for best morning-after headlines, recently reported that women are not enjoying one-night stands as much as men. According to a survey published in the journal Human Nature, 58% of women said they would not have a casual encounter again, compared to only 23% of men who felt the same. The study found that women still tend to feel “used” after a one-night stand, and that in such brief encounters, often feel let down by sex that’s “not as satisfying as they’d hoped for.” Men, for their part, tended to regret their choice of partners, lamenting that the women “weren’t as attractive in the morning as they’d seemed the night before.”

Over here at BG.net, we’re not sure either how much we’d respect the ultimate conclusions of this study in the morning. Because maybe it’s not so much that “women have not adapted to casual sex” (Urr?) but that society’s double standards (still!) have not adapted to women having casual sex. Check out Feministing’s response for more.


  1. I don’t think you’re right. It’s fashionable to believe that the only differences between men and women are programmed into us by society, but studies show over and over that some things are just hard-wired. I don’t think women *should* “adapt” to casual sex. Casual sex is often not that great. It comes with emotional fallout which is greater for a woman because women tend to become attached more easily. It also carries the risk of disease. Whose idea was it that equality for women has to mean they should use other people for sex just like men and be as commitmentphobic as men? Why can’t equality mean that men learn to see and treat women as human beings rather than cum dumpsters? Why can’t men’s standards be raised to match ours rather than expecting our standards to sink to their level?

    Comment by Melinda H. — July 2, 2008 @ 6:01 am

  2. BG chiming in here: I don’t disagree with you at all, though I’m afraid I’m going to have to take a Silkwood shower to scrub the barely-squeaked-past-the-censors phrase “c*m dumpster” from my brain. Neither Amanda nor Feministing is saying women (or anyone!) SHOULD “lower their standards.” On the contrary: it’s that icky “women haven’t adapted” headline that seems to make that (disagreeble) point.

    Comment by Breakup Girl — July 2, 2008 @ 7:05 am

  3. Maybe “women haven’t adapted” because we’re the smarter sex.

    I think that what Melinda was probably eluding to was the fact that feminism doesn’t mean women should “adapt” to the point where they’re using men like men use women. I mean, as women, we loathe men who do that, so why would anyone WANT to be that way? “I’m gonna be a man eating casual sex loving woman because it’s payback for the decades that men have treated women – Rah!”

    No, I don’t think so.

    And, just like it’s not up to ME to make it up to today’s black populations for the wrongdoings done to their ancestors by someone else’s ancestors (as mine weren’t even in this country) it’s not up to ME to go out and treat men and sex like a conquest to avenge the wrongdoings of other men.

    I’m NOT a superhero (unlike our lovely BG) and I’m sitting here trying to get through my life so that when I die I have no regrets. It doesn’t make me any less a woman if I actually act like a lady, you know?

    I agree with the article’s results – I would feel like a whore if I behaved that way. Just like I think men who behave that way are man-whores. Period, end of story.

    Comment by Terminally Single - Like Cancer — July 2, 2008 @ 8:50 am

  4. To me, I find the term casual sex a dangerous contradiction. Sex is anything BUT casual.

    What I find most troublesome is the lack of acknowledgement for what sex implies in this comment. Intimacy with someone, is just that, intimate.

    I think the stress should be an encouragement of women and men to respect their bodies, their sensualness and to not give that away freely. Sharing something so intimate is a gift to the other person. It can also serve as a gift to yourself, the relationship, etc. But no matter how you slice or dice it, you are handing over something of yourself to that person for those moments. Should this be someone that means nothing to you?

    However, I do believe that if casual sex is more acceptable to one gender and not the other this is a double standard. Further though, I don’t believe it serves society better to shift the thinking to accepting all forms of casual sex, but more stressing the important implications of the act – for yourself, your health and others. I’d like to see a society where sex is respected for and by all.

    Comment by Hilary — July 2, 2008 @ 6:47 pm

  5. Count me in with the 23%. After having my first (and last) one-night stand, I decided that I was going to spend at least a week SOBER between the time when I decided that I wanted to have sex with a woman and the time when I acted on that desire. A year or so later, I decided that I would only have sex inside of an exclusive relationship.

    Melinda & Hilary,

    I agree that it would be nice if men (in general) raised their standards to where they chose quality relationships over the quantity of relationships. However, I learned long ago that I can’t change other people’s behavior. I can only change my behavior and be open about how I live my life. If others decide to emulate me, that is ultimately their decision.

    Comment by Karl R — July 3, 2008 @ 11:53 am

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