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“Saving Love Lives The World Over!” e-mail e-mail to a friend in need

August 28, 2009

Tastes like chicken

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 9:05 am

A moving response on March 2, 1998

Dear Breakup Girl,

I dated this guy for six months. I’m 40, he’s 25. We were getting along so great — then as soon as I let down my walls, told him I had feelings for him, he broke up with me. He’s moving away and doesn’t want to have anything to do with me anymore. What’s the deal? Plus, I hate being broken up with by e-mail … what a coward. .

–Deena


Dear Deena,

You guys have heard what I always say about the C-word. You know, Canada. Where people tend to flee to when they feel like they’re about to have to make a commitment (for Canadians, it’s Cleveland). Which is most likely what happened with your young buck. And in this case I think it was more a function of age (sowage of wild oats surplus, yada yada yada) than of gender.

So since he’s gone — which is just as well — let me take a moment to elaborate on your second point. Guys: breaking up with someone via email is tacky. It is permitted ONLY if
(1) your relationship has been purely cyber from the get-go, or if
(2) you’re breaking up with AOL.

E-breakups are indeed cowardly, as they allow you to drop the bomb without facing the collateral damage, and they are stupid, as they allow your dumpee to forward your lame e-breakup to friends and associates all over the world.

E-dumpers, here is my curse: may your dearjohn@buh-bye.com come back to haunt you — in the form of “FWD: CHECK OUT THIS DORKWEED!”

Love,
Breakup Girl

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