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August 28, 2009

Tastes like chicken

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 9:05 am

A moving response on March 2, 1998

Dear Breakup Girl,

I dated this guy for six months. I’m 40, he’s 25. We were getting along so great — then as soon as I let down my walls, told him I had feelings for him, he broke up with me. He’s moving away and doesn’t want to have anything to do with me anymore. What’s the deal? Plus, I hate being broken up with by e-mail … what a coward. .


Dear Deena,

You guys have heard what I always say about the C-word. You know, Canada. Where people tend to flee to when they feel like they’re about to have to make a commitment (for Canadians, it’s Cleveland). Which is most likely what happened with your young buck. And in this case I think it was more a function of age (sowage of wild oats surplus, yada yada yada) than of gender.

So since he’s gone — which is just as well — let me take a moment to elaborate on your second point. Guys: breaking up with someone via email is tacky. It is permitted ONLY if
(1) your relationship has been purely cyber from the get-go, or if
(2) you’re breaking up with AOL.

E-breakups are indeed cowardly, as they allow you to drop the bomb without facing the collateral damage, and they are stupid, as they allow your dumpee to forward your lame e-breakup to friends and associates all over the world.

E-dumpers, here is my curse: may your dearjohn@buh-bye.com come back to haunt you — in the form of “FWD: CHECK OUT THIS DORKWEED!”

Breakup Girl

1 Comment »

  1. I’m not going to defend the guy’s decision to break up by email. But looking at my own life, I’ve gotten far better at breaking up as I’ve gotten older. He may improve over time (and he certainly has plenty of room for improvement).

    But to answer Deena’s question, I think I understand precisely what the deal was with his decision to bail.

    When I was in my early-mid twenties, I was not looking for a serious relationship. I was explicitly seeking non-monogamous relationships. In pursuit of that goal, I preferred relationships which clearly had no long-term potential (i.e. a relationship with a woman who was in an open marriage). It’s likely that this guy pursued a relationship with Deena because she was 15 years older than him, and therefore (in his opinion) not a candidate for a serious relationship.

    I just started dating a woman who is 16 years older than me (I’m 39, she’s 55). Part of the reason we’re dating is because neither of us sees the other as a candidate for a serious long-term relationship. If we did, we’d have to deal with the complications (current and future) caused by us being at different stages of life. If I suddenly decided that I wanted a serious long-term relationship with this lady, she’d probably break things off.

    I think Deena’s boyfriend expected a fun commitment-free relationship. When that started to change, he had a panic attack and tried to distance himself.

    Comment by Karl R — September 3, 2009 @ 3:38 pm

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