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September 24, 2009

Love and Lycanthropy

Filed under: books — posted by Breakup Girl @ 10:29 am

Sure vampires are big now, but once New Moon comes out, Breakup Girl is going to be flooded with questions about dating WEREWOLVES. As a public service, we thought we’d head off some of these inquiries by asking the REAL professors of lycanthropy, Ritch Duncan and Bob Powers, authors of The Werewolf’s Guide to Life: A Manual for the Newly Bitten.

1. What’s the best way to tell your boy/girlfriend you’re a werewolf?

Short answer?
At least not right away. The newly bitten werewolf already has “a significant other” to deal with, and it’s the savage killing machine they are going to be turning into every month. You know how when people break up with you they say “I need some space?” Well, if you’re a werewolf, the “space” you’re going to need is inside a cage made of re-enforced steel, which isn’t going to build itself. You’re gonna be pretty busy, and the month leading up to your first transformation simply isn’t the time for casual dating.

This isn’t to say that you can’t have a boyfriend or girlfriend, it’s just that right now, time is of the essence, and you should take a break from any relationship you aren’t positive will last to come to grips with your condition in as much secrecy as possible. You are going through some serious changes, and like any relationship, it’s not a good idea to stay involved in it unless you are confident about who YOU are. Figure that out first, and keep your secret well. Marriage, of course- is a different story.

2. Can a mixed (lycanthrope/non-lycanthrope) marriage work?

Chapter 13 of the Werewolf’s Guide To Life is entitled “Romance And The Modern Lycanthrope,” and as we say in the book: ” With more than 50 percent of marriages ending in divorce, keeping a marriage or relationship from falling apart is hard enough without the added headache of one partner transmogrifying into a 300-pound bloodthirsty predator 3 times a month.”

That being said, lycanthropy is no greater a hurdle for a marriage than any other serious challenge that a married couple may weather together. As long as there is love, trust and honesty between the partners, lycanthopy is nothing more than three days apart a month. For some married couples I know, they would consider that a welcome vacation from each other!

If you are in a committed relationship, we strongly recommend picking up the book for more detailed advice on how to tell your spouse- for now, refer to the video we made about this very issue, entitled “The Talk.”

3. What advice do you have for a single werewolf?

Two things:

1) Don’t seek out a partner who has also been bitten by a werewolf.
Assuming that you will fall in love with someone simply because you are both werewolves is as ridiculous as a straight person trying to set up their two gay friends because they are the only two gay people they know.

2) If you meet someone special, don’t try to “bite” them.
A werewolf in his wild state isn’t trying to give his victim a love nip, he’s trying to tear them limb from limb and devour them, usually in messy chunks. That’s no way to treat someone you love. Also, even if you somehow managed to bite your partner without killing them, when people become werewolves (this is gonna sound obvious, but bear with me) they change. It’s a tremendous adjustment in your life when you are bitten by a werewolf. Some relationships can’t handle a partner getting a new job. This is a much bigger deal than that.

In closing, we’re werewolf experts, not relationship experts, so to be perfectly honest, BG, I’d be more interested in YOUR advice for a single werewolf. It’s useful to look at it as a condition which prohibits certain activities at certain times, and you’re going to have to learn to live with them. Alcoholics cannot drink, diabetics can’t eat candy bars, and if you’re a werewolf, among other things, you’re gonna have to get rid of your cat. All of the changes you’ll be going through are outlined in our book, so that’s a good place to start. Alcoholics Anonymous has a saying that goes:

“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference.”

That’s pretty good advice for a werewolf, too.

– – – – – –

Still got questions? pick up The Werewolf’s Guide to Life: A Manual for the Newly Bitten in stores now!


  1. The book does look hilarious.

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    Comment by Marriage Advice — October 7, 2009 @ 5:28 am

  3. Ok, waaaaaaait a minute. First of all, werewolves do NOT have to get rid of their cats. I’ve been like this for 10 years and a pet cat can still own me. Just don’t try to date bigger ones. But DO try
    to date other wolves. Who else is going to understand a sniff behind the ear in greeting. Who else is going to like a bit of a nip when you kiss…

    Not to mention, if you want to be able to run with the moon and NOT be considered a savage killing machine, it helps to have some female reason to make you stick to rabbits and not cattle.
    Or humans.

    And yes, the sex is great between werewolves. No inhibitions at all, and a quickie in the woods is always fun.

    As for assuming two weres will fall in love? That is an accurate assumption, for better or worse. We find each other, it’s instinct without thought.

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