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February 19, 2008

Rebound Or Real?

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 5:56 am

Classic LetterAn eternal question from December 16, 1997…

Dear Breakup Girl,
I recently moved out of my boyfriend’s apartment after ending our four year relationship. I’ve met someone else in the past month and I like him, but don’t need any type of commitment from him; we haven’t discussed it at all.
Do I have to resign myself to the fact that he is “trans-man” (transition man)? Or could it be real?
– Dazed & Confused

Dear Dazed,
The Center for Science in the Public Interest recently reported that so-called “trans-fats” (often found in margarine) are more likely than certain other fats to contribute to clogging of the arteries. Similarly, “trans-men” have also been linked to heart problems, not to mention clogging of the brain.

Meaning what? Just that anyone in your situation — that “in-between stage” — is profoundly perspective-impaired. I’m not saying Rebound Boys are fully Bad; it’s just that it’s hard to relate to or evaluate them on their own terms, as anything other than “Not that Other Guy.” More importantly, running right out with Boyfriend Lite may soothe your pain (aren’t you supposed to spread margarine on burns?) — but it may also retard the true healing process.

So without the opportunity to review full personality profiles on both gentlemen, I can’t tell you if TM is for real or not. My question for you is: what do you think? You say on one hand that you don’t “need” commitment from him…but then you wonder if you have to “resign” yourself to go without. Do you want this guy for real, or are you just looking for great taste, less filling? In the latter case, skip the Parkay and go solo until — oh, Breakup Girl can’t resist! — someone butter comes along.
Breakup Girl


  1. Gah, how can I even comment on such brilliance?! :) I’m super-geeked that you guys are back.

    Comment by Misty — February 19, 2008 @ 8:25 am

  2. Okay, I can comment more. I actually remember this letter- I first started reading BG in ‘99 at age 19 getting over my first breakup. I was (ahem) a bit of a drama queen, mostly to mask the fact that I had no idea how to handle everything or anything breakup- or even relationship-related. Joyfully, BG’s replies and comics gave me the perspective and humor I needed to deal. It’s like 10 years later now, I’m married for pete’s sake, and am thrilled to see this website. Yay!

    Comment by Misty — February 19, 2008 @ 8:38 am

  3. I married my Rebound Girl and have never been happier, but there was a long wait while my brain recovered from the dumping that made me rebound. The moral? Don’t automatically discount the Rebound just because it’s a Rebound, but use caution!

    Comment by MikeT — February 19, 2008 @ 10:07 am

  4. I think that communication is vital, even if it is unpleasant. You may have to think how you are going to present your thoughts to him carefully. However, you should discuss your feelings with him, even if it is received negatively.

    Comment by JamesT — February 24, 2008 @ 1:20 pm

  5. Thanks, Misty! Good moral, Mike! JamesT: Hi! Yes, communication is vital, but since she says she doesn’t need anything in particular from him right now, it might be premature. (”What about my needs, which I don’t have yet?”)

    Comment by Breakup Girl — February 24, 2008 @ 10:47 pm

  6. Where I come from the term “trans-men” means a group of transgendered people who identify as male. I’d hate to see a bunch of sexy T-boys get wrongly associated with heart and brain-clogging rebounds. Is “rebound” too derogatory, too minimizing? How ’bout “soonafters”, kind of nostalgic with no etymological confusion, and if you want to put a judgement spin on it, that guy could be a “too-soonafter”.

    Comment by Sadie — July 3, 2008 @ 4:04 am

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