Yule regret staying with him on December 21, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

My boyfriend seems to get mad when I talk to other guys, but when I try to talk to him he kinda ignores me for his other friends and the only time he talks to me is when no one else is around. He can never go anywhere with me, but I am always the one to ask. I just wanna be free from him. Do you think I should break up with him? I was gonna dump him, but thought I would wait until after Christmas because otherwise both of our holidays will be bad. I don’t even want a present from him because then I’ll feel bad. What should I do? I’m so confused! Please help!

— Nicole

Dear Nicole,

Breakup Girl knows it’s hard to break up with someone, anyone — even, oddly enough, someone who’s not giving you the time of day. And I know it’s hard not to have a boyfriend at any time of year — and that you especially don’t want to have a blue Christmas. Plus I bet it seems like everyone in school has a boyfriend except you, huh? So I pretty much understand your confusion about — and perhaps wanting to delay — breaking things off.

But Breakup Santa will also come right out and tell you what you really want for Christmas: to be able to talk and hang out with your friends without glancing over your shoulder. To NOT fume in a corner while what’s-his-name ignores you. To NOT have to do all the work, to NOT make all the plans, to NOT be all the girlfriend with none of the boyfriend. And most important: to start, NOW, the process of feeling strong enough on your own that you won’t feel compelled to settle for anyone who is less than a gift in your life.

Nicole.

You’ll feel “bad” if you break up before Christmas?

Nicole.

How much worse could it be?

(And hmm, do you really think this guy’s got a present for you in the first place?)

Do you realize, Nicole, that what you have is not what having a boyfriend — or being a girlfriend — means? Real boyfriends are happy to hang with you and happy that you have other friends, guy or otherwise. Real girlfriends expect no less.

Okay, sweetie? If you dump him — gently — now, yes, you will feel bad and sad. That’s how breakups are. But think of those icky feelings as the ugly wrapping paper on — corny but true — the best present you’ll get this year.

Love,
Breakup Girl