Separation anxiety on January 12, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I have met a guy on (of all places) the Internet. I know what everyone says about things like this, but I am following my guts here. I think we could be awesome together. Only problem is that we live on opposite sides of the world. What should I do? Why is it that the person who is right for me now is so far away?

— S.J.

Dear S.J.,

Of all places, indeed. If you all think it’s lame to wait by the phone, try waiting by the computer.

Anyway, your question is actually one that you should be asking yourself: why is it that the person who — seems — right for you is so far away? Part of it is, let’s face it, geographical logic. A commuter courtship between Cleveland and Duluth? Breakup Girl can work with that. But you’ve written to BG before (actually, since) and she happens to know that your location is indeed very, very remote. Whomever you do meet online is statistically likely to live oceans and continents away.

Beyond that, though, why would you be attracted to someone so distant, so impossible, so epic, so…safe? Is this drama queen looking for a king? Is it pure loneliness — he may be far away…but heck, he’s there — ? Or … does he offer a great way not to have to bother with the icky dates and why-didn’t-he-calls and other elements of actual — as opposed to virtual — romance?

Perhaps you could be awesome together. But you’re not. Breakup Girl hates to be a naysayer, but she also hates the thought of you staying in and typing on a weekend night. You don’t need to “break up” with Internet Boy — just don’t let him keep you from meeting someone who could actually knock on your door.

Love,
Breakup Girl