Big To Do
About Us

“Saving Love Lives The World Over!” e-mail e-mail to a friend in need

April 2, 2010

What’s a nice girl gotta do?

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 8:49 am

My heart will go on past March 23, 1998

Dear Breakup Girl,

Why is it that every time you treat a guy like he is a decent, civilized human being he turns out to be a monster? And whenever you treat him like crap he is down on his knees begging for your love and care? I really wonder: will we good, nice, decent girls ever find that sort of guy who cares and really would sacrifice his favorite TV show for us (let alone sacrifice his life like in “Titanic”)?

— Lost White Lilly

Dear Lilly,

Guys! Hello! “Titanic” is a movie! Not real life! I mean come on, do you think that big strong boat really would have sunk so easily? Puuuuuure fiction.

Oh, wait.

Okay, I can still make my point. You want to talk Titanic, we’ll talk Titanic. Kate Winslet treated Billy Zane like crap, and he was a monster. She treated Leo like a human being (eventually), and he begged for her love. Your stereotypes don’t, um , hold water.

Well, okay, each does have a drop of truth: if by “treating a guy like a decent human” you secretly mean smothering him with declarations of love and devotion (see Stacey, above), then yeah, he will turn into Sewer Creature and tunnel out of your life. And yeah, if “treating him like crap” is code for not showing interest in return, then yeah, in some people — women, too (Stacey!) — that does trigger cluless begging, or at very least, heightened buzz-of-the-chase.

Still, to be fair, Breakup Girl did get a little swoony about those doomed lovebirds. I wondered “Wow, will I ever meet a guy who will freeze his butt for me/make me feel like that in the back of an old car/trust me with an ax — all without impressing my mother one bit?” Lilly, I completely understand. But the fact is, it’s not about finding “that sort of guy” — it’s about finding that sort of love. I know tons of guys who would do that (well, at least the TV show part)… for their wives/girlfriends. (Fortunately, through the magic of video cassette recorders, that sort of sacrifice is rarely necessary.) In the meantime, quit dealing in narrow, either /or stereotypes and strategies — for both girls and boys — and just keep being good, nice, and decent. You’ll have a happier ending than that movie, I promise. That part about the boat was such a downer.

Breakup Girl


  1. She just hasn’t met anyone that she meshes well with yet, that’s all. Personally, I expect a girl I’m dating to be nice to me, and by nice I don’t mean kiss my ass, acts like a door mat, ect. I mean the common courtesy kinda nice, ya know?

    Comment by Kelly (male) — April 2, 2010 @ 5:18 pm

  2. If someone routinely dates “monsters”, that raises a red flag for me. Healthy guys aren’t abusive, nor do they tolerate abuse. If Lilly is regularly dating unhealthy men, it indicates there’s a problem with the men she attracts … and the men who are attracted to her.

    Comment by Karl R — April 2, 2010 @ 5:59 pm

  3. […] Breakup Girl » What's a nice girl gotta do? […]

    Pingback by Grasping the various Ways to Get your Ex Back — April 3, 2010 @ 7:13 am

  4. […] Breakup Girl » What's a nice girl gotta do? […]

    Pingback by How to Get Someone back by Doing it Right — April 3, 2010 @ 9:55 am

  5. What about the guys here? Every time I’m nice to a girl she either puts me in the friends pile or “um thanks for dinner and walking me home [um yeah I’ll never call you back, sucks to be you, hope you’re a good parachutist kablam …]”

    so what gives? Why do girls go for monsters in the first place, overlooking the good guys? What’s so magically attractive about the bad guys, and how are the good men supoosed to compete?

    -Mr. Nice (aka DM)

    Comment by DM — April 3, 2010 @ 5:02 pm

  6. @Mr. Nice: What about the guys here? Dude, we got a *lot* about the guys here! :) Check out:http://www.breakupgirl.net/advice/niceguys.html for starters, and also: http://www.breakupgirl.net/?tag=nice-guys (scroll down). And I’ll tell you what: for every guy wondering why girls go for jerks*, there’s a girl wondering where all the nice guys are. :)

    * SOME girls do. my research suggests that MOST girls don’t.

    Comment by BG — April 3, 2010 @ 10:27 pm

  7. […] Breakup Girl » What's a nice girl gotta do? […]

    Pingback by Your Boyfriend Broke Up With You – Proven Steps To Get Your Ex Back | How to Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back — April 4, 2010 @ 2:01 pm

  8. Mr. Nice,
    I think it has a lot to do with our cultural expectations of what a “real man” acts like – IE the Marlboro Man. Another example of this is how you see upper middle class white teenage boys acting like black male inner city teens.
    It all boils down to how we raise our children and the gender roles we force onto them. Real men dont do blah blah or real mesan are suposed to blah blah blah.
    So next time your son/daughter wants to play with a Barbie doll or a GI Joe figure or acts contrary to your misguided concepts of gender roles, don’t say anything just let them do what they want.
    Speaking directly to your concern Mr Nice, you can actually be nice and flirty at the same time – I like to call it non-malicious teasing. The problem a lot of guys have is calibrating, or not calibrating thier flirtatious behavior. You have to read your dates non-verbal queues, in otherwords her body language. So pay atention to not only what she’s saying but also and more importantly what she’s doing *and* how she’s acting instead of wondering what you should say next.

    Comment by Kelly (male) — April 5, 2010 @ 6:59 pm

  9. […] Breakup Girl » What's a nice girl gotta do? […]

    Pingback by new ipod shuffle 4gb voiceover technology | cheapax.info — April 13, 2010 @ 2:23 am

  10. http://seroquel-generic.gdn/ – seroquel http://wheretobuyviagra.cricket/ – viagra http://advaironline.date/ – advair online

    Comment by ashom1j5l27 — August 6, 2016 @ 11:27 am

  11. http://workfromhomesanantonio.top/ – get the facts http://blackjackpromotions.top/ – blackjack promotions http://plaingreenloans.top/ – bottom dollar payday loan http://legitimateworkfromhomejobswithnostartupfee.top/ – more information http://adultcamsites.top/ – adult cam sites http://webcamsexchat.top/ – free webcam sex chat http://topslotssites.top/ – money slots

    Comment by ashomatkm6i — September 4, 2016 @ 9:10 am

  12. Right here is the perfect webpage for anybody who
    would like to find out about this topic. You realize so much its
    almost tough to argue with you (not that I really would want to…HaHa).
    You definitely put a brand new spin on a topic which has been written about for years.
    Excellent stuff, just excellent!

    Comment by Alta — October 14, 2016 @ 2:26 am

  13. Hi there everyone, it’s my first pay a quick visit at this web site, and
    article is really fruitful in support of me, keep up posting these

    Comment by services visa services — October 18, 2016 @ 12:05 pm

  14. Stunning quest there. What happened after? Take care!

    Comment by Mark Curry MacFarlane Group — October 19, 2016 @ 6:15 am

  15. Great article, exactly what I was looking for.

    Comment by travel with child — October 19, 2016 @ 2:15 pm

  16. I don’t even know how I finished up right here, but I
    thought this put up was once great. I do not understand who you’re but definitely you’re going to a
    famous blogger for those who are not already.


    Comment by Finley — October 20, 2016 @ 1:22 am

  17. What’s up, I want to subscribe for this blog to get hottest updates, thus where can i do it please help

    Comment by Aurelio — October 20, 2016 @ 1:53 am

  18. Good post. I learn something new and challenging on websites I stumbleupon everyday.
    It’s always interesting to read content from
    other writers and practice a little something
    from other sites.

    Comment by wd external hard drive not recognized — October 21, 2016 @ 6:08 am

  19. Its such as you read my thoughts! You seem to understand so much approximately this, like you wrote the
    e-book in it or something. I think that you simply could do with some % to power the message house a bit, but other than that, that is great blog.
    An excellent read. I’ll definitely be back.

    Comment by Lovie — October 21, 2016 @ 10:30 am

  20. Hello! I know this is kinda off topic but I was wondering
    which blog platform are you using for this site? I’m getting sick and
    tired of WordPress because I’ve had problems with hackers and I’m looking at options
    for another platform. I would be awesome if you
    could point me in the direction of a good platform.

    Comment by Willard — October 21, 2016 @ 9:12 pm

  21. Heya this is kinda of off topic but I was wanting to know if blogs use WYSIWYG editors or if you have to manually code
    with HTML. I’m starting a blog soon but have no coding knowledge so I wanted to get guidance from someone with experience.
    Any help would be greatly appreciated!

    Comment by Danielle — April 22, 2017 @ 3:48 pm

  22. Howdy! I understand this is sort of off-topic however I had
    to ask. Does building a well-established blog like yours
    take a lot of work? I’m completely new to running a blog however I do
    write in my diary everyday. I’d like to start
    a blog so I can easily share my own experience and views online.

    Please let me know if you have any recommendations or
    tips for brand new aspiring bloggers. Thankyou!

    Comment by Itamar Serpa Fernandes — April 24, 2017 @ 11:02 am

  23. Today, while I was at work, my sister stole my
    iphone and tested to see if it can survive a 30 foot drop, just so she can be a youtube sensation. My apple ipad is now destroyed and
    she has 83 views. I know this is totally off topic but I had
    to share it with someone!

    Comment by waste products — April 26, 2017 @ 4:43 am

RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URL

Leave a comment

**Mean or otherwise out-of-line comments will be deleted. That’s just how we roll.


blog | advice | comics | animation | goodies | to do | archive | about us

Breakup Girl created by Lynn Harris & Chris Kalb
© 2008 Just Friends Productions, Inc.
| privacy policy
Cool Aid!

Important Breakup Girl Maxim:
Breakup Girl Sez


Powered by WordPress