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April 30, 2010

Losing steamy

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 7:19 am

As seen on TV, March 23, 1998

Dear Breakup Girl,

My husband and I have been married for about a year and a half (together for a total of seven years). Other than a few flings/torrid one night affairs, I was never serious with anyone else. Alright, I’ll cut to the chase. Things are not as I thought they would be. It is not like I grew up with parents that had a fairy tale marriage, the Cleavers we were not. I can’t help but be concerned for my own marriage, things just don’t “seem” right. In my opinion people recently married and in their 20’s should be “hitting the sheets.” I know there isn’t another woman… Yeah yeah I know what they say but I KNOW. Needless to say the bed is far from hot and my thoughts are beginning to wander. My concern is what to do — pretty soon my thoughts won’t be all that are wandering… Any pearls of wisdom?

— Restless Lola

Dear Lola,

As far as hot sex is concerned, I don’t see how any couple can keep up with those crazy Cleavers. That was TV, not reality. Let go of the impossible standards.

Okay, now that I’ve gotten the wisecrack out of my system, let me suggest something the Cleavers didn’t have: counseling. Don’t worry about “should be”s; worry about — and trust — how you feel. If something’s wrong, do try to fix it. But if something’s missing in your bed, don’t look for it in someone else’s. That’s something Eddie Haskell would do, not you.

Breakup Girl


  1. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Breakup Girl. Breakup Girl said: Marriage rut advice: "Pretty soon my thoughts won’t be all that are wandering!" http://www.breakupgirl.net/?p=3933 […]

    Pingback by Tweets that mention Breakup Girl » Losing steamy -- Topsy.com — April 30, 2010 @ 11:50 am

  2. Get hot, get sexy, get sex. Men are visually stimulated. Example: Being more then 15lbs overweight it will usually turn guys (husbands) off.

    Comment by Skyoti6 — May 1, 2010 @ 4:21 pm

  3. Dear Wife,

    I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you forever. I’ve been a good man to you for 7 years and I have nothing to show for it.

    These last 2 weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today and that was the last straw.
    I even joined this website http://www.dateclass101.com in Frustration

    Last week, you came home and didn’t even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favourite meal and even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in 2 minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don’t tell me you love me anymore; you don’t want sex or anything that connects us as husband and wife.

    Either you’re cheating on me or you don’t love me anymore; whatever! the case, I’m gone.

    Your EX-Husband
    P.S. Don’t try to find me. Your SISTER and I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!

    Dear Ex-Husband,

    Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It’s true you and I have been married for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you’ve been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining and griping. Too bad that doesn’t work. I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the first thing that came to mind was ‘You look just like a girl!’ Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can’t say something nice, I didn’t comment. And when you cooked my favourite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago.

    About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, and I prayed it was a coincidence that my SISTER had just borrowed $50 from me that morning.

    After all of this, I still loved you and felt we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for $ 35 million, I quit my job and bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica But when I got home you were gone.

    Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won’t get a dime from me.. So take care.

    Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free!
    P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this, but my SISTER Carla was born Carl. I hope that’s not a problem.


    Comment by albert — May 1, 2010 @ 8:07 pm

  4. oh my that is a good revenge letter. 2nded. looking for a quick fix does not make the problem go away. it just buries it in the sand. It will explode @ some point. You don’t know where, and you will not know when or how, but it will.

    Comment by Karen — May 2, 2010 @ 9:33 pm

  5. I apprecitae you taking to time to contribute That’s very helpful.

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