Big To Do
About Us

“Saving Love Lives The World Over!” e-mail e-mail to a friend in need

November 7, 2008

Coming Apart at the Themes

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 9:52 am

Classic LetterHeavy baggage from January 12, 1998

Dear Breakup Girl,

I went out with a girl (and I mean the term girl as opposed to woman) for nineteen months. She was immature, financially and personally irresponsible, and intellectually challenged. I am the kind of person who has a very close inner circle of five or six friends and rarely lets other people in. I let her in to my inner circle, and treated her as more than an equal in that circle.

I recently found out that she cheated on me. I gave her a second chance, and she did it again. She had lied to me on more than one occasion in the relationship, but I kept forgiving. I threw her out.

My problem is that I rarely, if ever, trust people completely (I have “issues” with my dad leaving us when we were young, etc). I trusted her and she betrayed me.

My question is how do I deal with the baggage of the past and learn to trust new people in my life again?

Thanks! Great website!
–El Gato

Dear El Gato,


I understand that you, being human, have “issues” related to this thing with your family. But remind yourself that if you think about it on a purely logical basis (which is very easy for Breakup Girl to do when it’s not her problem), Cheating Girl is completely unrelated to Splitting Dad. Two different people, two different situations; they both just happened to happen to you. The next person will be a new person who will do whatever she does regardless of what C.G. and S.D. did. You — because this is what humans do — are the one drawing and perpetuating the connection. I know you know this intellectually, but sometimes people need reminding so that they can remind themselves.

Still, there is one other possibility in which C.G., S.D. — and you — have quite a bit to do with one another. Warning: Breakup Girl is about to go Oprah on you. It might be that when Dad split, you decided, “Yikes! I can’t trust people! People betray me!” This notion then becomes the theme song that you whistle throughout life…and as you choose girlfriends. Maybe, just maybe, you chose someone whom you knew, deep down, wasn’t exactly a Girl Scout when it came to trustworthiness. Of course you would, because anyone else would clash with your theme song! See?

So, just like Friends, what you need is a new theme song. How about “Things have happened in my past that seem to follow a pattern … but they don’t have to have any bearing on the next thing that happens! It’s all up to me! La la la!”

I know it doesn’t rhyme, but at least Breakup Girl didn’t make you write it on the blackboard.

Breakup Girl


  1. It’s always the people I trust who betray me. Nobody else gets the opportunity.

    Years ago I decided that I would trust people and deal with the occasional betrayal and disappointment. It was far less damaging to me than if I was unwilling to trust people.

    I can decide to trust people after betrayals (excluding the ones who did the betraying) because I know that I’m trustworthy, and I assume that I’m not the only one. I realize that this isn’t too helpful if you have a track record of cheating on your partners (or other untrustworthiness), but it works well enough for me.

    Comment by Karl R — November 10, 2008 @ 2:21 pm

  2. My take? This guy sounds like kind of a jerk. Who refers to a former paramour, cheater or not, as “intellectually challenged”? If he felt that she was, ahem, not so smart, why on earth was he dating her in the first place?

    Comment by KS — November 14, 2008 @ 2:46 am

  3. […] Guide saved by thtsmrsway2ubetch2008-12-19 – [PTF] Crystal Clear saved by CarlyRae4122008-12-18 – Coming Apart at the Themes saved by sweetrevenge1022008-12-16 – Comment on Two More Outstanding Free WordPress Themes by […]

    Pingback by Websites tagged "themes" on Postsaver — December 30, 2008 @ 10:47 pm

  4. Well sure. is you don’t trust someone and they betray you then you don’t care do you? :S

    Comment by Alex — July 18, 2009 @ 2:34 am

  5. 彼らが良い製品をリリースする間それが一般的に知られ、ロレックスの馬の精神安定剤についてのカタツムリよりゆっくり動くようです。それはちょうどリリースの新製品についてでありません、それは既存のモデルについての動向と改善についていくことに関係があります。大部分のために、彼らはちょうど注意すること。彼らの「良い」のデザインのほとんどは40〜60歳以上です。それは良い設計とそれについて快適な感じで混乱するのは難しい。例えば、新しいロレックスデイト41 mmに成長して、信じられないほどの変化…ちょっとプレゼント(しかし、保持、伝統的な小さいサイズのような人々のための36 mm)。スーパーコピー時計ブランドにも関わらず、この年の数を得る変化の基本的な潜水艦乗組員の線に私にこの信じられないほど長続きするデザインの最新のファンを作ります。
    [url=http://www.gginza.com/%E8%B2%A1%E5%B8%83/louisvuitton/index.html]ロレックス gmt 16760[/url]

    Comment by ロレックス gmt 16760 — July 23, 2016 @ 1:06 am

  6. http://tamoxifencitrate.trade/ – tamoxifen http://sildenafil20mg.party/ – sildenafil 20 mg http://wellbutrinonline.cricket/ – wellbutrin http://singulair-medicine.party/ – singulair

    Comment by ashom4a4mrr — August 5, 2016 @ 2:23 am

  7. http://avodart.press/ – buy avodart http://clonidine2016.us/ – clonidine http://sildenafilcitrate.party/ – sildenafil http://buy-bupropion.us/ – buy bupropion online

    Comment by ashomp67v9m — September 27, 2016 @ 4:53 am

RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URL

Leave a comment

**Mean or otherwise out-of-line comments will be deleted. That’s just how we roll.


blog | advice | comics | animation | goodies | to do | archive | about us

Breakup Girl created by Lynn Harris & Chris Kalb
© 2008 Just Friends Productions, Inc.
| privacy policy
Cool Aid!

Important Breakup Girl Maxim:
Breakup Girl Sez


Powered by WordPress