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“Saving Love Lives The World Over!” e-mail e-mail to a friend in need

July 16, 2010

My heart is so big and loving, yet no one loves me. I’m so lonely.

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 8:39 am

Big-hearted on April 6, 1998

Dear Breakup Girl,

I don’t think that anyone in this whole entire universe could understand how I feel right now. You see, I’m 14, and there’s is this boy I’m so in love with. (We’ll call him Z.) I’ve liked him ever since he moved here seven months ago. Then he started going out with this other girl, who I’m sorta friends with.

Oh Breakup Girl! My heart is so broken. I cry myself to sleep every single night. I’m the only one in my whole group of friends without a boyfriend? What’s wrong with me? I can’t be that bad! I swear, if those boys just gave me a CHANCE, I could be the best girlfriend. Nothing works. My heart is so big and loving, yet no one loves me. I’m so lonely.

As for Z, well, I really can’t get over this. When I asked him out in the beginning of the year he said no because he didn’t know me that well. But he didn’t know the girl he’s going out with now AT ALL! It’s not fair. I truly LOVE him, with all my little shattered heart, I love him. I can hardly sleep, eat, or anything. I would do anything…anything for him to just love me. I know it sounds crazy, but we were meant to be. I saw them hug and I went bawling. It kills me. )=

Please help me. I don’t even love myself, all I do is pretend…pretend to be happy. I’m glad me and Z are friends, but I love him. I don’t know what to do….I wish I could just tell him, but then his girlfriend would be soo mad at me. I’m so nice — i swear, I could really love him….if I just got a chance– ya know?

Why does no one give me chance? Why should I have to be so lonely? What should I do? It’s so hard to face him. I just wish he could love me the way I love him.

— Big Heart

Dear Heart,

Oh oh oh oh!!!!!! You poor thing. Believe me, BG understands. I think we all do. Right, everyone? We all have, or have had, a Z in our lives. Or, more to the point, not in our lives. Which SUCKS.

But you can deal, and Breakup Girl will tell you how.
1. I know you and Z are buds, but try and see if you can avoid him for a while. Not in a huffy, uppity way; just don’t be around when /where he is. Seeing him — especially with Hell Troll, I mean Her — right now is like (forgive the gross image) picking the scab. Delaying the healing.
2. Remind yourself that you’re being a good friend and a good person (Shut up, Breakup Girl, I want a BOYFRIEND! I know, I know, bear with me). Not saying anything to him is a good call. Tons of people write to me about how they went ahead and blabbed their feelings to someone taken and are in worse hell than they were before.
3. Consider this: while you love Z more than Leonardo himself, not having him is not the only thing that’s bothering you. It’s also that you’re the lone wolverina while all your friends have hotties on a leash. This also suuuuuuucks. (And once again, believe me, BG understands.) But here’s the vicious circle that you’re in: when you’re blue about lack of Z — and exhausted due to lack of ZZZZs — let’s face it, you’re not at your big-hearted best. People can tell something’s weighing you down. It’s not you who’s unappealing; it’s your current — and temporary — piney, bawly, hungry vibe. So then no one asks you out; then you get bluer. And so on.

So — and this is, like, the cheesiest thing BG has ever said, but you started it — you DO have to love yourself first. I swear. And guess what: you already do. You didn’t write me to say, “Boys don’t like me because I’m a loser.” You wrote me to say, “My heart is big and loving ..I could be the best girlfriend…and yet no boy is interested?! WHASSUP WITH THAT!??!?!” Stay fierce, not frantic, and they’ll be lining up, A through …well…Y.

Breakup Girl


  1. Everyone knows that the more you *show* you want to be with someone the less likely you will be. In other words, if you act like you don’t care – then they will care. Well, that’s how it is if you’re a boy trying to catch the eye of a girl. Seems the reverse is true too and, if I look back in my own experiences I see that it’s true. Whenever I’ve dated someone that trys to hard I loose interest but, if she doesn’t try hard enough I also loose interest /sigh. It’s a fine line to walk between seeming interested and not so interested for both genders.
    I think BG’s advice is right on target, you need to make yourself a bit scarce – but not in a mean way. You’re just busy. You still like him but you’ve got other stuff that needs doing. . . like meeting other cute boys!

    Good Luck, Big Heart

    P.S. Being single isn’t a bad thing. I know, I’ve been single a very long time now. Hell I haven’t even dated in, well – never mind.

    Comment by Kelly (male) — July 16, 2010 @ 5:09 pm

  2. Thanks for your sweet comments, Kelly (male)!

    Comment by BG — July 19, 2010 @ 10:28 am

  3. I’m the opposite. I love feeling cherished and sought after, (just not pathologically, hehe). I figured people who don’t want relationships only want people who play hard to get and all that stuff.. which seems to be a lot of people these days, WAH! I wouldn’t have even had the guts to ask him out! I think that Disney has taught me that that’s the males job. But a compliment just feels great, especially in a land where the only compliments you get is insincere flattery from make-up sales ladies “Oh this shadow goes so well with your eyes”, yeah, yeah, put a sock in it X(

    Comment by Alex — September 10, 2010 @ 5:19 am

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