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July 30, 2010

An education

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 8:02 am

A classy trip on April 6, 1998

Dear Breakup Girl,

I was riding on the bus with this guy back from a school trip to DC. He sat with me, we held hands, and he tried to go up my shirt. His friends sat behind us and were talking about what we were doing and they were teasing him after the restroom break. Now I’m afraid that he’ll betray me and that my whole reputation will go down the drain as a whore. Why do the guys always blame the girls?

— Alise

Dear Alise,

DC is a really, really good place to ask that question.

Breakup Girl

PS. But seriously, here’s your civics assignment: read my rant about double standards. You’re right: it is totally no fair that his going up your shirt should (if it did) affect anyone’s “reputation,” let alone just one of yours. Listen, sweetie, try your best to stay above it all. And to have guys’ hands stay above your shirt in public places. It’s not your fault. I’m just saying.


  1. The situation seems a bit strange. I personally would have done other things to make him stop, and possibly to embarass him. He is being a jerk and not a gentleman. It was just like he was trying to see how far he could go.


    Comment by karen — July 31, 2010 @ 10:59 am

  2. Doesn’t he have Dignity??

    Comment by Sianna — August 18, 2010 @ 5:48 am

  3. @Sianna — Maybe yes, maybe no. THing is, it’s not so much about Mr. Handsy Groperson himself as it is about a whole system where girls get blamed/defamed for what boys do (or for what girls and boys do together). See here: http://www.breakupgirl.net/advice/980223/980223.html

    Comment by BG — August 18, 2010 @ 5:55 am

  4. I’m sorry as a man I have helped (by accident) this happen once I really liked this girl in 8th grade and we ended up getting touchy and some others saw we didn’t know but the next day the others did and everyone thought I was cool but muttered snide comments as they passed her in the hall and when we walked together to class later my “friend” asked y I was walking with the slut I flipped out on him and tried to get people to stop calling her disgraceful downing names but they wouldn’t eventually she quit talking to me and I felt so bad I knew it was my falt and it followed her trough high school please understand that not all guys are trying to make it turn out that way people that see it take it the wrong way and run with it u don’t know how much it hurt knowing that the first girl I really had feelings for had a bad rep cause I wanted to feel her up

    Ashley I’m so sorry and I hope someday we will talk and I can find away to show you that I am sorry

    Comment by Thomas — November 23, 2010 @ 1:39 pm

  5. Oh Thomas! That is a perfect, and distressing, example of the double standard i’m talking about: you got “cool” points, she got “snide comments.” You should know that ultimately it’s not your fault. Everyone should be able to carefully, thoughtfully, respectfully explore sexual feelings without fear of this kind of repercussion. I’m sorry it turned out this way, and I’m sorry you’ve felt bad for this long. At some level, I’m sure Ashley knows it wasn’t your fault, either. Thank you for being so candid here.

    Comment by BG — November 23, 2010 @ 1:52 pm

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