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August 6, 2010

The trouble with Wayne

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 9:03 am

Good friends from April 6, 1998

Dear Breakup Girl,

I’ve got a friend, Wayne. Wayne right now is kinda coasting through life — never left home, still working on that Bachelors for 12 years now. Unemployed. Anyway, we set him up for dates and it never works out. Wayne hangs out with one older woman, but he doesn’t want to date her because he thinks she’s too messed up! We’re Wayne’s best friends and we are concerned. How can we get Wayne socially ready for dating?

— Exasperated

Dear Exasperated,

BG thinks it’s kind of cute when she sees those personal ads (research!) that are like PLEASE DATE OUR EXCELLENT FRIEND WHO’S TOO SHY TO PLACE THIS AD. Fine. In your case, though, I gotta ask: Wayne may still be working on his Bachelors … but have you done all your research? As in, does Wayne¬†want to date? If not, no amount of charm- or clue school will land him a Betty.

Also, are you trying to fix Wayne¬†up, or fix Wayne? Look, I get that you’re genuinely concerned about a friend; I totally know what you’re talking about. But the way you speak about him — well, you’re not, as they say, coming from a very positive place. Write and tell me about how great he is; then we’ll talk.

Breakup Girl

1 Comment »

  1. it’s time to move from this

    to something more tangible .

    #34/14:00/17/8/2010 it has been so long that i do not even know what you look like when we saw each other that one time the light did work for you . i could hardly see your face at all

    makes no difference i still put my house up for sale because i want to be with you it’s not like i am just sitting around doing no thing to get closer to you

    only problem : you are nowhere to be found

    this has its charm as well but it makes for lonely nights …

    i have reached the point where i am even willing to admit that nobody else ever felt as good as you do .

    nobody else could manifest inside of me with such strong presence .

    is kama mudra really so bad , don’t you enjoy it at least a little ? i have never known a more profound longing than this ONE .

    if we ever met in real life , there would be no end to the bliss we would have to ‘endure’

    could you stand it?

    why can’t you get in touch with me like real people do

    use a phone and speak to me directly , send an e-mail and own up to your identity ……… endless options ……..

    instead i have to sit in front of this ‘compouter’ and hope to be lucky enough to somehow find something that you might or might not have written .

    every time i go downtown or whereever i hope to see you but never do again and again and again any idea what my disappointment might feel like ?

    or that i was beginning to totally question your very existance . did not matter , the energy was still there

    as far as driving on any high way is concerned i am not afraid for my life or safety , i am afraid for the safety of the participants in my reality .

    i would jump off a roof if the mood would strike me , i have misplaced fear and forgotten about it …………. the last few weeks i even tried to break this strange little body just to see if it

    could be done . it is damn sturdy , i could not find its limits . but i did find that within there is unexpected joy

    maybe you would like to show them to me , take me to the limit ? i am not shy , i am not afraid but i do avoid things that do not look like fun

    i was sick and sad for too long , now i can be happy because unhappy is used up .

    share it with me

    please do

    meanwhile i am sitting at home and the highpitched squeal of whatever IT is ………… is driving me up the walls .

    it feels like i am being nonstop remote controlled with some strange frequency ………….. totally freezes me in my tracks , it is the reason why most days i don’t get to leave the house .

    i literally run in circles , can not finish one thought to save the life of me. have no appetite left ,can not sleep at night …… you get the picture .

    not the easy and fun way that life could be , more like a prison of some kind …….. an invisible dog fence ? sure feels like it .

    i do not like it one bit …… it probably is not compatible with life for long … it also does not matter one bit in the end .

    so if you want to hook up with me you better do it fast before my house is done with me.

    now my flame burns bright but i am running out of fuel ………

    maybe you could help me assume escape velocity ?

    i need to leave this fairytale and would like to participate in yours ………. if that is an option .

    please call me

    i would love to hear YOUR voice .

    Melusine , the hedgehog

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