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January 8, 2009

Women shouldn’t say “I love you” first?

Filed under: Advice,News — posted by Chris @ 8:19 am

If a gal realizes she’s in love with her man, should she keep her mouth shut? Over at Salon’s Broadsheet, Sarah Hepola chimes in on the recent CNN/The Frisky post, “Why Women Shouldn’t Say ‘I Love You’ first,” which posits, basically, that dudes can’t handle it. Sarah has a reaction many of us might:

It’s the kind of story that can’t help being irritating: First of all, because it’s a glib service piece in which advice about profound life experiences is shoehorned into a few measly grafs; second of all, because it’s dumb. It’s asinine, right?

Then she emails her guy friends who, with equal doses of articulateness and immaturity, convince her the writer may have a point. One guy friend even looks at the odds:

It’s just statistically less common to hear of girls getting weirded out and bailing on a relationship after the L word, so as a rule of thumb I think it’s fine.

Obviously there will always be special cases — and special guys — but is this basically correct?


  1. I’ve actually been the first to say the L-word on a few occassions, and had women bolt shortly thereafter. Basically, even if they aren’t freaked out, a woman is just as likely as a man to realize that the relationship is heading in a direction they aren’t ready for. If that’s they case, yeah, they’ll break things off before they get even more serious.

    Comment by Dan Wilson — January 8, 2009 @ 10:24 am

  2. I agree with the second guy quoted in Hepola’s column: “But I’m the kind of guy who always likes to know where he stands, even if I don’t necessarily like it, without having to intuit the answer based on signs and whatnot.”

    It may be that women tend to push the “relationship milestones” a little quicker then many men prefer, but that’s an argument for waiting a little bit, not refusing to ever say it first.

    One other thing: never take advice on men from a man who says things like “Most guys are emotionally retarded,” like Hepola’s first male friend did.

    Comment by Dunstan — January 8, 2009 @ 9:51 pm

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