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January 26, 2009

Currently at MSN.com: She flirts with her exes, but I can’t

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 8:30 am

MSN datingAsk Lynn, Breakup Girl’s alter ego’s advice column at MSN.com (powered by Match.com), is now being updated monthly rather than weekly (boo!) … but on the plus-side, you’ll get two new letters at a time (yay!). For January, we’ve got a gal with some office intrigue and a couple with trust issues…

1. Not Safe For Work is worried that dating her boss’s friend might affect her job


2. Haunted by Her Past has a girlfriend that is uncomfortably chummy with her exes, yet always checking his phone for the same behavior

Read the letters and advice, then come back here to comment!


  1. Re: Not Safe For Work?
    I think there’s one additional detail this woman needs to consider. Assuming the relationship ends in a breakup, will it be high-drama, or minimal drama?

    I realize that she can’t know what will happen in the future, but it is fairly easy to make predictions. If both sides tend to have breakups that are civil and/or amicable, then that should hold true in the future. If their breakups are filled with finger-pointing, accusations, back-stabbing and betrayal, that could reasonably occur in the future.

    If the breakup involves unethical or immature behavior, it probably will affect the boss’ professional opinion of this lady.


    Re: Haunted by Her Past
    It sounds like Haunted and his girlfriend both have communication problems.

    Haunted said, “After my last split I moved to a new city, got a new number, a new car — and a serious girlfriend. I tried to change everything so that I could really start over.”

    It sounds like he’s going to extremes to avoid any possible reminder of his last relationship, and that sounds like unhealthy behavior to me. Unless his ex-girlfriend is stalking him, he doesn’t need to change his whole life because of her.

    Haunted’s current girlfriend seems like she has bigger issues. She can’t politely tell her three ex-boyfriends how she feels (or doesn’t feel). How is she going to directly express what she wants or how she feels with her current boyfriend?

    As mentioned, her lack of trust towards him is an even more obvious issue.

    Comment by Karl R — January 12, 2009 @ 3:02 pm

  2. Sounds to me like Not Safe At Work is going with the flow a bit much here, if her job is important to her. She needs to be looking not only at what will happen if there’s a break-up (which face it, is more likely to be the case than not), but if they stay together. Will she now be in a social relationship with her boss? Will that help or hurt her career? Depends a lot on how she and her boss get along now, what his views are, etc.

    This relationship is more likely to hurt her career than help it, no matter which way it goes. So she needs to be looking at how important this particular job is to her career and future and how important this relationship is to her future. If she honestly thinks he might be “the one” and she can advance her career with another company – make the move now. Before this comes back to bite her. If she thinks this relationship is just for fun and this is a great job she wants to keep – find a new guy who won’t be putting it at risk.

    What she shouldn’t do is sit back and watch what happens. It might be her life that ends up imploding while she watches.

    Comment by Lyn — January 20, 2009 @ 10:52 am

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