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January 23, 2009

Mind over matters of the heart

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 8:40 am

Classic LetterMoving on circa January 19, 1998

Dear Breakup Girl,

After reading these letters I was impressed how you handled the situations with great level-headedness. So I’ll give it a whirl with my story.

I went out with this girl for nine months and let me tell you I was the happiest I’ve ever been. Everything about her was amazing to me. I knew we were going to break up because of our likes and dislikes. Our personalities were right on but we couldn’t decide on chocolate or vanilla ice cream. Sad. So here I am writing to Breakup Girl more than ONE YEAR later asking for someone to hit me on the head so I’ll forget this girl. Each of the few times that I talk to her she has always been so nice to me but I know she doesn’t want me anymore. I wish she would be mean. Anyway, If I can reason with myself like this, why haven’t I moved on?

–In Need of a Lobotomy

Dear Lobotomy,

Thanks. Just doing my job.

Anyway, here are my observations:

1. Yeah, wouldn’t breakups be a cinch if they happened only with loathsome trolls?

2. You may have noticed that your heart and your brain are completely separate organs. Your heart acts with, if you will, a mind of its own.

3. “Moving on” is a slippery concept — and that in itself is a key thing to remember. Sometimes people expect that much-sought-after “moved-on” feeling to hit them like a lightning bolt (or, in your case, a smack on the head.) Well, it’s not that simple or clear-cut.

IMPORTANT BREAKUP GIRL MAXIM: While “moved-on” is, in part, something that Just Happens as time passes (really! I swear!), it is also, in part, a decision that you Just Make, no matter how you feel … no matter how much chocolate (or was it vanilla?) ice cream still jogs your memories of her.

You know that perky little scientific factoid about how when you force your mouth into a smile, it actually triggers happy hormones — ? Sounds to Breakup Girl that at this point, forcing your bad self into a date just might send the right signals to the Moving On lobe of your brain. Even with movie prices being what they are, it’s still a better deal than a lobotomy.

Breakup Girl


  1. Honestly, I don’t know where people get this idea that they should have the same exact likes and dislikes as their partners. Unless they’re in key areas (say, sex), or you’re going to move to a desert island together, that really shouldn’t be a problem. Being the happiest you’ve ever been should be more than enough, unless you’re not telling the whole story…

    Comment by Giulia — January 23, 2009 @ 12:50 pm

  2. I agree I am totaly different from my husband and we have been happy for 11 years and will be for the rest of our lifes. I mean he likes music i like TV. He likes motorcycles i like cars. ect… major differnces.

    Comment by Katie — January 26, 2009 @ 1:45 pm

  3. I haves a story of my own. CC. & Ibegan as bowling buddies with me as his Captain,thsen we started talking on the phone on a regular bafsis,mostly inuendos— now,he’s quit calling me & I’m forever geting his answering machine. He’ got me I miss his calls.Here’s the thingabout our relaftionship,hes told mseat the beginning that he had a “ladyfriend”,but DIDNOTrefer her as his girlfrisenduntil today at tes bowlingalley after we finished practicing. He told me that he only sees her at church which is onse day a week— he sees me just about twice a week,and maybes a third day(Thursday’s)are going to be added to our 2 tidays a week. I’m sorry,I left out thse days that we smeet ,which starts out on WDednesdays to bowl on our seaguse,then afgain on Frliday’s to pracstilce.We are both Chrlistians,except hes’s a Sseventh Day Aventist,but that doenn’t matter. C.C. & I are supposed to go on a trip tdogether,but hes aha signed up for another trip because she forgot hse ‘d silgned up for our’s,. He says hes really did want to go on ours ,but hse also wants to se thes basseball Trining—-I’vesheds tears over this,but tdhe Good Lord hafs remindsed mses to ask then thafsnk Him in asvance.DThast really does work!!! February 25,2009 is the last day to cancell in order to get our full refund bafck wdhich wwill bses $55.00 each. Before the Lord’s reminder,I had thought about csnceslling too if hses couldn’t go with mse. no,BG,I can’t get afrisend to take his plsce,bescauses they tafke thess nesxt person on the waiting list — & I don’t want to go with just anybody. Lounds to mse likse C.C. is fickles.Whafst do you think? I’m begilnning to fall in love with him evsen though hse’s 17 years older thasn I am,which i don’t care anymore.I am someswhere in my 60’s. He has a lot of health problselms,& I dind myself wanting to takse care of him. Last ysear,I prindted off a maanuscript-style bunch of mafterial concernings some of his afilments. TD oday,Itook him onse on Dilzziness. BG,I don’t want to say thoses three littlses words to him filrst liksess Ihasvein the passt. C.C. tdold mes that shse has told him how shses feels abouat him,but hses didn’t tdell mes tdhat shse HAS said tdheses three litles words. I, also,havse foun myself wanting to bse the first to do or say thingsthat she shasn’t,.
    Do you remember the song by Dusty Springfiseld”Wishin’ and a Hopin’? Well , I’ve beensilngingdthat song pretty much. TDhen todayalso,C.C. was looking at the trips in a book about race cars,then hses ask mes if Iwas going or if I had marked that ones,& I dtoldhim no.No,he asked me if I was interested in race cars,& I told him no. But that song came to my mind wher it says to “do the dthings he likes to do” .— hses asked our other bowling partner,& hses said he wasn’t interested,sio I told C.C. that if hess wanted tdo go,thaft I’d go with him.. BFG,do you think that by me sspending mores time with C.C. thasn shes does,thasthe & I will become a twosome instead of him & her? I hope & pray so. Sorry aboiut this being so long.

    Comment by Lynda — January 31, 2009 @ 12:34 am

  4. Yodeling,

    C.C. is not that into you. Get your refund back.

    Comment by Karl R — February 1, 2009 @ 5:27 pm

  5. […] Breakup Girl Mind over matters of the heart Posted by root 17 minutes ago (http://www.breakupgirl.net) Moving on circa january 19 1998 dear breakup girl moved on feeling to hit them like a lightning bolt or in your case a smack on the head comment by giulia january 23 2009 12 50 pm powered by wordpress Discuss  |  Bury |  News | Breakup Girl Mind over matters of the heart […]

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