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January 30, 2009

We can’t always get what we want

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 8:48 am

Classic LetterLooking for love in the wrong place, circa January 19, 1998

Dear Breakup Girl,
I have a crush on a guy who is my brother’s friend and has a girlfriend. We get along great, and always have a good time when together. There is alot of teasing, and sexual innuendo, but also some serious moments. Thing is, he and his girlfriend don’t act like boyfriend and girlfriend, and some of his comments make me think he likes me. So what do I do? Nothing and wait for him, forget about him, or go for it?
— Waiting and Wanting

Dear Waiting and Wanting,
No poaching. Ever. End of story.
Breakup Girl


  1. hello i need help ive been the my boyfreind for a year in a half he movied to philly from texas for me…we movied in together and its been 1 year…now he wants me to movie back to texas with with but in the mean time he dont tell me he loves me anymore…and in my head i think he wants to be with someone else …and that hurts….i ask him and hes says no but i have seen things that makes me think that he does what to be with the other female hes 54 and im 42 and shes 66 what do i do i need help thank you

    Comment by roe — January 30, 2009 @ 3:02 pm

  2. Ask Lynn: He didn’t say “I love you” back

    Interesting, all the guys who said “I love you” first aren’t with her anymore, but the guy who won’t say it back is the other half of the relationship that, according to her, is ‘different.’ From all the rest, I am to assume. Now let me look into my crystal ball… I’d bet the guys who all said “I love you” first weren’t the ones who ended the relationship, either. Sounds like the guy who’s left her hanging is doing something right, and it has nothing to do with him not being ready (I assume you said that just to make her feel better). It’s because THEY’RE not ready yet and he knows it. The reality is that he refused to say it back because she is still testing him and he has to remain in CONTROL. That is, if he expects her to keep him around and not boot him like she did all the other little boys who threw down their cards too early. What, should he be afraid that not saying it is going to make her want to leave him? Then let her leave! Keeping her on the edge of her seat is what maintains her interest in him and he knows it. Besides, he’s not too worried if she leaves because he knows he can get other women whenever he wants. This only goes to prove that the guy should NEVER say it first. In fact, with most women, it’s better never to say it at all.


    Comment by Paul — January 30, 2009 @ 6:26 pm

  3. roe,

    Your boyfriend no longer tells you he loves you. Does he demonstrate that he loves you by his actions?

    Some people aren’t accustomed to saying “I love you.” I’m one of them. When I was in a serious relationship, I had to remind myself to tell my girlfriend that I loved her … and it was easy for me to forget. Furthermore, most men feel that actions speak louder than words.

    There are two obvious problems in your relationship:
    1) You don’t feel like your boyfriend loves you anymore.
    2) You believe your boyfriend wants to be with someone else.

    These problems revolve around you, not your boyfriend. It’s about what you feel and believe, not what he’s feeling and thinking. And your boyfriend can’t change what you feel and believe.

    Your boyfriend could tell you that he loves you more often. But unless you already believe that he still loves you, I’m not sure how helpful it will be for you to hear the words.

    If you can’t change what you feel and believe, then it’s probably the end of your relationship. There’s no point being in a serious relationship if you feel that your partner doesn’t love you. There’s no point being in a serious relationship if you don’t trust your partner. And either of those reasons is sufficient to end the relationship.

    This decision is yours to make.

    Comment by Karl R — January 31, 2009 @ 1:37 pm

  4. yes much of the times but there is still that fell that he wants the other lady im moving back to his home town in less then 3 weeks what do i do

    Comment by roe — January 31, 2009 @ 3:42 pm

  5. roe,

    First, a little punctuation and capitalization goes a long way.

    Second, does this other lady live in Philadelphia or Texas? If she lives in Philadelphia, then he’s moving away from her. And I would say that’s strong evidence that this is more about what you think in your head, and less about what your boyfriend really wants.

    But even if this lady lives in Philadelphia, I think you’re going to run into this problem again in Texas … unless you change how you think about your boyfriend.

    Comment by Karl R — January 31, 2009 @ 8:08 pm

  6. no i dont think im going to have the same prom dont there its just with this lady she follows him everywhere specaily when i go to work late my day i go to worl early i dont see her that much…..thats where all are fights come into play at…my cousin tells me everything when i ask him he tells me that there is nothing going on he dont like her like that

    Comment by roe — February 1, 2009 @ 12:59 pm

  7. hello again i need help if you dont think your boyfreind really dont care for you anymore and you plan to moive somewhere else with him to make a better life for the 2 of you would you do it….my head is so messed up that i dont know what to do anymore….i think hes taking me with him just because we have been together for 2 years almost….i think he cares about the other lady what do i do i need help my heart is breaking in half

    Comment by roe — February 10, 2009 @ 7:48 pm

  8. roe –

    I wouldnt go. If you think he is interested in someone else, then he probably is. I wouldnt move that far away just because you’ve been together for a while.

    Comment by kyle — November 11, 2009 @ 4:14 pm

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