Needing a Hollywood ending on January 19, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,
My best male friend and I got together for a short time about a year ago. He’s had some bad luck with girls in the past and is afriad of losing our friendship if we broke up. (Needless to say, we ended up back as friends fairly quickly regardless of the fact that everyone else says that we’re perfect together.) Now the complicated part is that he has been going out with a (FORMER) good friend of mine for several months and thinks he’s going to MARRY her! What should I do? I feel like I’m living out “My Best Friend’s Wedding!”
— Lost

Dear Lost,
You should all know that any references to My Best Friend’s Wedding will be lost on Breakup Girl. Were it not for the giddy whirlwind that is my social life, I would have been out picketing that movie every night. You know, that’s the one where Julia Roberts has a cow when her buddy breaks their pact to get married if they haven’t found anyone else by the time they’re 28. Hello? So now 28 is when old maids are made? Does anyone besides me and my inner spinster think this message is evil? That’s all I have to say. I don’t even remember what your question was.
Love,
Breakup Girl

P.S. Breakup Girl turns 29 on February 3. She doesn’t see what that has to do with anything.