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Breakup Girl » Help! She won’t let me break up with her!
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“Saving Love Lives The World Over!” e-mail e-mail to a friend in need

April 8, 2011

Help! She won’t let me break up with her!

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 10:30 am

An international incident from June 15, 1998

Dear Breakup Girl,

I have lived together with this girl for two years, and before that we dated for about two years. I have wanted a long time to break up, but she doesn’t want to. I have been very open and honest about what I feel, and am asking her several times a week to move out. She refuses, says she can’t move out and that she feels unsafe in this big town without me (which is a European capital — she comes from a smaller place some 300 miles from here, and moved here to be with me). Every time I bring the topic up, she thinks I’m being mean. We live in a flat which I own and that I lived alone in for 11 months before she moved in. I really want to break up. To change locks or contact the police or some other authority seems so mean, but sometimes seems like the only option. Is there a nicer way?

– Anders


Dear Anders,

Yo. Breaking up isn’t mean per se; breaking up meanly is mean. And breaking up — no matter how many people are walking around how many big towns saying “it was mutual” — is not always a bilateral decision. Nor does it require the dumpee’s consent. That, my European friend, is the nature of the beast. So I have to say it’s a little odd to hear that you’re, like, trying to break up with her (several times a week!?!). You don’ t need to bring in the law; you’re the one who’s not laying it down. Give her a deadline. Schedule a time for her to pack. If you’re that concerned/if she’s that helpless (eeeuuw), what the hell, help her find a new place to live. This is way above and beyond the call of duty, but so is having to ask someone to let you break up with them. You can be strong without being mean; arguably, it’s even meaner to extend her squatter’s rights in a home that’s not hers with a heart that’s not, either.

Love,
Breakup Girl

6 Comments »

  1. its not that easy. they just cant get the ide that u really cant be with them. im going thru the same thing here. couldnt make mean act yet cant be with her. she just dont understand. tried to tell in nice way and every way. she will just shout scream and manupulate the situation to her side..

    Comment by hmmm — June 17, 2013 @ 1:06 pm

  2. This is great advice. I am thfunakl I never ran into the situation, as it seems very tricky, but if it was worth it then I’d figure out how to make it work. Great things to think about. You are so right about not being able to hide, some things are just too obvious.

    Comment by Jesica — November 14, 2014 @ 5:42 am

  3. In this and future “Toolbox of Touch” columns, I wish to re-examine some basic CS assumptions,
    propose support, critical observations and practical treatment options.
    Involving the tilted pelvis, chiropractic back pain cures ordinarily includes comprehensive method
    that addresses the matters. I coudn,t go to work i coudn’t play with the kids and life in genral was pretty rotten.

    Comment by neck pain — November 20, 2014 @ 6:28 am

  4. I can’t do this anymore” and whitin a few days she found a room to rent and moved out.She says she still loves me but wants to find herself and be alone for awhile. She has said this is permanent for us. I haven’t spoken to her much since she left and I still don’t know why this has happened.I told her before she left that I still love her and was confused (like most would be) and although I was really upset I didn’t show her any anger or act mean in any way. As you might have guessed I want her back, I’m being realistic and accept that because I’m such a mess I don’t have the skills and ability to just know what to do without help. I have seen these Get your ex back books and techniques on the net and was wondering if anyone had tried them and what ones were good and what ones to avoidPlease respect my pain and answer with the right intentions as this is my life and I am in real pain about what has happened. ***This is not a request for the standard she has found someone else / Trash her out replies****dallasaurus: We just got back to Aussie after a 4 week trip together in the Uk and France, which she seemed to enjoy. I don’t think she wants a big gesture

    Comment by Kumpheak — February 18, 2015 @ 12:01 pm

  5. Laurie,I really enyejod this post, thanks for sharing. I totally agree with you about goal overwhelm. It can be really motivating to see everything you want to accomplish, but when it starts to loom over you..it stops being fun.Isnt that what we’re here for, the fun?Anyways, from personal experience, I’ve found it best to draw a circle and put the different areas you mentioned into different parts of it. If one part of the circle is off, the entire shape is ruined.It can help clarify the areas in life that need the most attention. Once again, thanks for sharing your content.-Chris

    Comment by Adeniyi — March 27, 2015 @ 3:56 pm

  6. She broke up with you for a reason. Do she want you back? If not you are wasitng your time. She has to be with you because she wants to be not because she feels sorry for you or because you convince her to get back with you. If those are the reasons you get beck together she will just leave you again. And you will be going thru this pain all over again!!Good Luck

    Comment by Kolawole — April 25, 2015 @ 9:09 pm

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