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Breakup Girl » Help! She won’t let me break up with her!
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April 8, 2011

Help! She won’t let me break up with her!

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 10:30 am

An international incident from June 15, 1998

Dear Breakup Girl,

I have lived together with this girl for two years, and before that we dated for about two years. I have wanted a long time to break up, but she doesn’t want to. I have been very open and honest about what I feel, and am asking her several times a week to move out. She refuses, says she can’t move out and that she feels unsafe in this big town without me (which is a European capital — she comes from a smaller place some 300 miles from here, and moved here to be with me). Every time I bring the topic up, she thinks I’m being mean. We live in a flat which I own and that I lived alone in for 11 months before she moved in. I really want to break up. To change locks or contact the police or some other authority seems so mean, but sometimes seems like the only option. Is there a nicer way?

– Anders


Dear Anders,

Yo. Breaking up isn’t mean per se; breaking up meanly is mean. And breaking up — no matter how many people are walking around how many big towns saying “it was mutual” — is not always a bilateral decision. Nor does it require the dumpee’s consent. That, my European friend, is the nature of the beast. So I have to say it’s a little odd to hear that you’re, like, trying to break up with her (several times a week!?!). You don’ t need to bring in the law; you’re the one who’s not laying it down. Give her a deadline. Schedule a time for her to pack. If you’re that concerned/if she’s that helpless (eeeuuw), what the hell, help her find a new place to live. This is way above and beyond the call of duty, but so is having to ask someone to let you break up with them. You can be strong without being mean; arguably, it’s even meaner to extend her squatter’s rights in a home that’s not hers with a heart that’s not, either.

Love,
Breakup Girl

3 Comments »

  1. its not that easy. they just cant get the ide that u really cant be with them. im going thru the same thing here. couldnt make mean act yet cant be with her. she just dont understand. tried to tell in nice way and every way. she will just shout scream and manupulate the situation to her side..

    Comment by hmmm — June 17, 2013 @ 1:06 pm

  2. This is great advice. I am thfunakl I never ran into the situation, as it seems very tricky, but if it was worth it then I’d figure out how to make it work. Great things to think about. You are so right about not being able to hide, some things are just too obvious.

    Comment by Jesica — November 14, 2014 @ 5:42 am

  3. In this and future “Toolbox of Touch” columns, I wish to re-examine some basic CS assumptions,
    propose support, critical observations and practical treatment options.
    Involving the tilted pelvis, chiropractic back pain cures ordinarily includes comprehensive method
    that addresses the matters. I coudn,t go to work i coudn’t play with the kids and life in genral was pretty rotten.

    Comment by neck pain — November 20, 2014 @ 6:28 am

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