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“Saving Love Lives The World Over!” e-mail e-mail to a friend in need

June 9, 2011

Why do I miss that no-good cheater?

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 9:27 am

Resisting the urge on July 13, 1998

Dear Breakup Girl,

My boyfriend dumped me about two weeks ago because “it wasn’t working out.” Then I found out that he cheated on me and then lied about it to my face. So why do I still miss him when he’s the one who treated me like crap? Shouldn’t I be glad that he’s out of my life? Instead, I’m on the verge of begging him to come back. WHY?????

– Karen


Dear Karen,

STOP:

1 - even considering begging him to come back

2 - thinking that you’re a freak for even considering begging him to come back.

It seems weird, but it’s normal. Wanting him back — at least in theory — is not necessarily about stooping to his level; it may also be about regaining the upper hand. It’s like, things didn’t turn out the way you’d planned; you want to be the one to call, “Uh-uh, DO-OVER!” You want the last word.

This is BG’s empowering interpretation. of your feelings. Use it instead of the one where you’re thinking “Maybe he wouldn’t cheat and lie if I do something differently next time.”

Love,
Breakup Girl

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