Big To Do
About Us

“Saving Love Lives The World Over!” e-mail e-mail to a friend in need

July 14, 2011

Happy Birthday to Ex 2

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 9:21 am

Another celebration on July 20, 1998

Dear Breakup Girl,

I broke up with my girlfriend almost 3 months ago. The breakup had been building, I was tired of trying to fight through all the intimacy issues that she and I both had. I felt I couldn’t go it alone so I suggested counseling for us. That request was met with an emphatic “NO” from her. I felt like there was no other choice but to break up. Unlike other breakups I’ve had, this one was distinctly non-emotional — no tears, no calling back just to “hear your voice”, no heartfelt attempts at reconciliation. Just silence. And it’s been that way for three months. Two weeks ago it was her birthday. I decided to send a card, just to show that I didn’t hate her and that I do have some class. I didn’t get a response. All I wanted was a simple acknowledgement/thank you. So now I’m pissed. I still have some things of hers, and I’m wondering, should I send them? Or keep them and continue the road to recovery? I really want to be civil, but I’m angry, so I thought of including with the package a note letting her know how completely classless I think she is.

— Dane

Dear Dane,

Now do you see the point I was making to Wondering (about expecting a particular response, not about Ziggy)?

Yes, it definitely would have been super nice to get a simple response. And yes, in the world of non-breakup etiquette, it is tacky not to acknowledge a well-meaning missive. And yes, even in the world of breakup etiquette, it is tacky — though understandable — not to acknowledge a well-meaning missive. Understandable? Yes. Because — especially since you two haven’t been in touch — you don’t know what her breakup healing m.o. has been. She may still have (need, even) a communication moratorium, for any number of reasons. Maybe she’s too sad to go there? To mad, still, to go there without saying something she’ll regret? She may also be, yes, just plain tacky. Who knows?

But it is your motive, not hers, that is actually at issue here. Your misstep was not sending the card; it was what you slipped into the envelope: that big yellow stickie saying SEE, I AM A BETTER PERSON THAN YOU ARE. That, and not pure good reconciliatory will, was what sent you to the post office. The Classy Avenger would have asked you to check your attitude.

So if you would like to return your ex’s stuff, fine. With a note that says, “Hope you had a great birthday. I’m sending this because it’s just easier for me not to have it around — I’m sure you understand. Would be delighted to hear from you, if /when you feel like it.” That’s the classy thing to do.

Breakup Girl


  1. If she isn’t complaining about you having her stuff, then why do you really have an urge to spend the energy sending it back? Are you sure it isn’t another excuse to keep the drama alive? If you really need it gone for your own peace of mind and can get it to her without any ulterior motive, then fine. But otherwise, I don’t see any good reason to go out of your way. These periods after breakups are dangerous because intentions get mixed up even in our own heads. We convince ourselves we’re acting for one reason when really it’s an excuse to keep the enticing drama going.

    Comment by Breakup Advice Blog — July 14, 2011 @ 3:05 pm

  2. Agreed! Thanks for reading/posting!

    Comment by BG — July 15, 2011 @ 12:19 pm

  3. http://generic-tadalafil.cricket/ – tadalafil http://amitriptyline-hcl.webcam/ – amitriptyline http://diclofenacsod.science/ – diclofenac http://aleve.top/ – aleve http://cost-of-cymbalta.top/ – cymbalta http://buy-albuterol.stream/ – albuterol

    Comment by ashom13nl24 — August 22, 2016 @ 8:08 am

  4. After looking over a number of the articles on your web site,
    I truly like your technique of blogging. I book-marked it to my bookmark site
    list and will be checking back soon. Please check out my web site as well and
    let me know your opinion.

    Comment by Julian — October 12, 2016 @ 12:15 pm

  5. Amazing blog! Do you have any tips and hints for aspiring writers?
    I’m hoping to start my own website soon but I’m a little lost
    on everything. Would you suggest starting with a free platform like WordPress or go for a paid option? There are so many options out there
    that I’m totally overwhelmed .. Any suggestions?
    Thank you!

    Comment by Meagan — October 17, 2016 @ 4:46 pm

  6. I know this web page provides quality based articles or
    reviews and other stuff, is there any other site which presents such stuff in quality?

    Comment by Marko — October 22, 2016 @ 1:43 am

  7. You have made some really good points there. I checked
    on the web to learn more about the issue and found most individuals
    will go along with your views on this web site.

    Comment by hydraulic lift-off rocket — October 24, 2016 @ 6:23 pm

  8. Greetings! I know this is kind of off topic but I was wondering if you knew where I could find a captcha plugin for my
    comment form? I’m using the same blog platform as yours and I’m having problems finding one?
    Thanks a lot!

    Comment by louisiana home raising — October 25, 2016 @ 12:44 pm

  9. Greetings from Idaho! I’m bored at work so I decided to check out your blog on my iphone during lunch break.
    I really like the info you present here and can’t wait to take a look when I get home.
    I’m shocked at how fast your blog loaded on my phone .. I’m
    not even using WIFI, just 3G .. Anyways, amazing site!

    Comment by Chelsea — April 22, 2017 @ 11:36 pm

  10. Hi there! I could have sworn I’ve been to this website
    before but after going through many of the posts
    I realized it’s new to me. Regardless, I’m definitely happy I stumbled upon it and
    I’ll be bookmarking it and checking back frequently!

    Comment by Itamar Serpa Fernandes — April 24, 2017 @ 10:30 am

  11. wh0cd816010 sildenafil citrate

    Comment by Caseynen — April 25, 2017 @ 4:59 pm

  12. Greetings! I know this is kinda off topic but I was wondering
    which blog platform are you using for this website? I’m getting
    fed up of WordPress because I’ve had problems with hackers and I’m looking
    at alternatives for another platform. I would be awesome if
    you could point me in the direction of a good platform.

    Comment by Lena — April 26, 2017 @ 2:55 am

  13. Keep on working, great job!

    Comment by Augusto de Arruda Botelho — April 27, 2017 @ 1:18 am

  14. Hello, I check your blog daily. Your humoristic style is witty, keep up the good work!

    Comment by Rafaela — April 27, 2017 @ 5:52 pm

  15. Whats up are using WordPress for your blog platform?
    I’m new to the blog world but I’m trying to get started and set up my own. Do you
    require any html coding knowledge to make your own blog?

    Any help would be greatly appreciated!

    Comment by Madonna — April 27, 2017 @ 10:11 pm

  16. Howdy! I could have sworn I’ve been to this web site before but after browsing through some of the posts I realized it’s
    new to me. Nonetheless, I’m definitely happy I found it and I’ll be bookmarking it and checking back

    Comment by Nam — April 28, 2017 @ 12:04 pm

  17. Hey! This is kind of off topic but I need some advice from an established blog.
    Is it hard to set up your own blog? I’m not very techincal but I can figure things out pretty
    fast. I’m thinking about creating my own but I’m not sure where to begin. Do you have any ideas or suggestions?

    Comment by rental money — April 28, 2017 @ 2:13 pm

  18. Inspiring quest there. What occurred after?

    Comment by Silvia Odete Morani Massad — May 2, 2017 @ 1:22 am

  19. It’s going to be ending of mine day, but before finish I am
    reading this impressive post to increase my experience.

    Comment by http://wiki.griffins.com/index.php/Becoming_A_Fruitful_Business_Owner — May 3, 2017 @ 1:12 pm

  20. I all the time emailed this webpage post page to all my friends, because if
    like to read it after that my links will too.

    Comment by Xiomara — May 4, 2017 @ 3:44 am

  21. Everyone loves it whenever people get together and share
    views. Great blog, stick with it!

    Comment by Howard — May 7, 2017 @ 6:45 pm

  22. I am sure this piece of writing has touched all the internet people, its really really pleasant piece of writing on building up
    new webpage.

    Comment by glam seamless review — May 8, 2017 @ 10:25 pm

  23. What’s up it’s me, I am also visiting this website daily,
    this web site is truly pleasant and the viewers are actually sharing pleasant thoughts.

    Comment by Ross — May 8, 2017 @ 11:22 pm

  24. What’s up mates, fastidious paragraph and nice urging commented here, I am in fact enjoying
    by these.

    Comment by Trina — May 9, 2017 @ 6:26 am

  25. This design is steller! You most certainly know
    how to keep a reader amused. Between your wit
    and your videos, I was almost moved to start my own blog (well, almost…HaHa!) Fantastic job.

    I really enjoyed what you had to say, and more than that, how you presented it.
    Too cool!

    Comment by makanan bayi usia 6 bulan yang sehat — May 9, 2017 @ 10:43 pm

  26. Hello, i read your blog occasionally and i own a similar one and i was just curious if
    you get a lot of spam comments? If so how do you prevent it, any plugin or anything
    you can advise? I get so much lately it’s driving me crazy so any assistance is very much appreciated.

    Comment by menu makanan anak umur 2 tahun — May 11, 2017 @ 4:36 am

  27. You actually make it appear really easy with your presentation but
    I find this matter to be actually something that I
    believe I would never understand. It sort of feels too complicated and very
    wide for me. I am looking ahead in your next put
    up, I will try to get the cling of it!

    Comment by Porter — May 11, 2017 @ 6:04 pm

  28. Thanks to my father who told me concerning this webpage, this weblog is truly awesome.

    Comment by car computer exchange — May 14, 2017 @ 5:16 pm

  29. wh0cd279736 viagra price

    Comment by StewartJoire — May 15, 2017 @ 3:31 am

  30. Hello to all, it’s genuinely a pleasant for me to pay a quick visit this web site,
    it includes useful Information.

    Comment by hair style — May 15, 2017 @ 11:14 pm

  31. If you are going for finest contents like myself,
    just go to see this website daily as it provides quality contents, thanks

    Comment by Sienna — May 19, 2017 @ 12:54 am

RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URL

Leave a comment

**Mean or otherwise out-of-line comments will be deleted. That’s just how we roll.


blog | advice | comics | animation | goodies | to do | archive | about us

Breakup Girl created by Lynn Harris & Chris Kalb
© 2008 Just Friends Productions, Inc.
| privacy policy
Cool Aid!

Important Breakup Girl Maxim:
Breakup Girl Sez


Powered by WordPress