Big To Do
About Us

“Saving Love Lives The World Over!” e-mail e-mail to a friend in need

August 1, 2011

Thinking about cheating

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 8:05 am

Into the Cheating Zone on July 20, 1998

Dear Breakup Girl,

I don’t think I can resist cheating on my boyfriend. Tell me what you think.

It’s a long distance thing; we’ve been together, yet apart, for over a year. But there’s someone else here who I’ve known longer and longed for since before I was with my bf. Soon I’m going to move across country to go to grad school. My bf is going to quit his job and move to the town the school is in. The plan has been for us to live together with a view towards marriage. He wanted to get engaged before we move in together, but last winter I told him the marriage idea wasn’t working for me, that I had qualms, based, mostly, on my feeling that he’s a grumpy poop far too often for me to be with forever (it had nothing to do with the other guy). Other times things are nice. So the plan is to try living together first. But now I don’t know if I should.

Before I started going out with my bf, I went out briefly with someone else I really liked, but who — to make a short story even shorter — blew me off. Still, I kept seeing him at parties, because he’s in one of my social circles, and there seemed to be a connection. I don’t want to sound like a masochist, or to make him sound like a jerk. He was all in a muddle over his ex. I tried really really hard to forget about him. He’s gotten over his muddle and now has a girlfriend, though people say he’s not in love with her. I have been pure as driven snow with regard to my current flame. (I know that’s a mixed metaphor but it kinda works.) Anyway, whenever I’d see this other guy there would always be tension between us. Every look or seemingly casual touch was loaded with meaning for me. I supposed this was unilateral and that I was a fool until last week. I saw him again and we got smashed at a party and he confessed that he has had all these feelings for me ever since and oh, God . . . we kissed and now I can’t stop thinking about him. We’ve been emailing each other, which is unusual, but have made no plans. He mentioned in one of his emails that he and his gf are “on the brink” of breaking up. Of course he knows I’m leaving. Seeing him may seem immoral but isn’t it more immoral to not try something that feels so right? It just feels cosmically right. I feel so tender toward him, like I love him. Maybe I’m deluded. But then, that’s what I thought before and it turned out it was mutual after all.

My question is, what should I do? I’m not going to tell my boyfriend. Why hurt him? But should I not see this guy? See him? Is it possible to be in love? My relationship with my bf is called into question. If it’s not the deepest love, is it still better than no love or is it unfair to both of us? Whatever happens at least I have school. I’d like your perspective!


Dear Tristesse,

See my answer to Akemi, previously. Much of it applies, with one major difference being that you, unlike her, have actually (as opposed to virtually) entered The Cheating Zone. Computer Boy gives her data; Party Boy gives you … kisses. Look, I don’t want to get into [self-serving … to you] questions of morality here; let’s keep it in the realm of ethics and ettiquette. Ultimately, your relationship with PB is somewhat of a non-issue because you are leaving. And no, you don’t necessarily have to tell your BF about the incident in and of itself. But you do have a responsibility to inform him that your doubts are more serious than he may realize. Remember: he’s quitting his job to be with you. Doing so only to, in effect, find out that the strongest word you used to describe your relationship to Breakup Girl was “nice” — well, if you think he’s a grumpy poop now…

Breakup Girl

No Comments »

  1. Oh my goodness! Incredible article dude! Thank you so much, However I am encountering problems with your RSS.
    I don’t know why I am unable to subscribe to it. Is there anybody
    else getting similar RSS problems? Anybody who knows the solution can you kindly
    respond? Thanks!!

    Comment by hydrogen fuel car — May 27, 2017 @ 3:58 am

  2. That is a really good tip particularly to those fresh to the blogosphere.
    Simple but very accurate info… Appreciate your sharing this one.
    A must read post!

    Comment by stock broker — May 27, 2017 @ 10:01 am

  3. Greetings! This is my first comment here so I just wanted to give a quick shout out and tell you I really enjoy reading your posts.
    Can you recommend any other blogs/websites/forums that
    go over the same topics? Thanks for your time!

    Comment by hire greenford — May 28, 2017 @ 5:16 pm

  4. Genuinely no matter if someone doesn’t understand then its up to other users that they will assist, so
    here it happens.

    Comment by bbs.xiaoyi.com — May 28, 2017 @ 9:47 pm

  5. I’m impressed, I have to admit. Rarely do I encounter a blog that’s
    equally educative and entertaining, and let me tell you,
    you have hit the nail on the head. The problem is something that too few folks
    are speaking intelligently about. I’m very happy I stumbled across this in my
    search for something relating to this.

    Comment by Marylyn — May 29, 2017 @ 2:28 am

  6. An impressive share! I’ve just forwarded this onto
    a co-worker who had been conducting a little research on this.

    And he actually bought me lunch simply because I stumbled upon it for him…
    lol. So let me reword this…. Thank YOU for the meal!! But yeah, thanks for spending time to talk about this topic here
    on your web page.

    Comment by glam seamless review — May 29, 2017 @ 6:44 am

  7. Generally I do not learn post on blogs, however I would like to say that this write-up very compelled me to check out
    and do so! Your writing style has been amazed me. Thank you, quite nice post.

    Comment by van hire online — May 29, 2017 @ 6:55 am

  8. Keep on writing, great job!

    Comment by all wheel drive cars — June 1, 2017 @ 11:07 pm

  9. An outstanding share! I’ve just forwarded this
    onto a colleague who had been doing a little homework on this.
    And he in fact bought me lunch due to the fact that I discovered
    it for him… lol. So allow me to reword this….

    Thanks for the meal!! But yeah, thanks for spending time to
    discuss this issue here on your web page.

    Comment by Clinton — June 2, 2017 @ 1:19 am

  10. I have read a few excellent stuff here. Certainly worth
    bookmarking for revisiting. I surprise how so much effort you
    place to create the sort of magnificent informative website.

    Comment by money today — June 2, 2017 @ 9:08 am

  11. Thanks for any other informative site. The place else could I get that type of information written in such a perfect means?
    I’ve a venture that I am just now working on, and I’ve been on the look out
    for such info.

    Comment by card reader — June 2, 2017 @ 10:40 pm

  12. It’s not my first time to pay a visit this website, i am browsing this web page dailly and
    obtain good facts from here every day.

    Comment by Jung — June 3, 2017 @ 3:54 am

  13. Excellent beat ! I wish to apprentice while you amend your
    website, how can i subscribe for a blog web site?
    The account helped me a acceptable deal. I had been a little bit acquainted
    of this your broadcast provided bright clear idea

    Comment by car computer — June 11, 2017 @ 1:03 pm

  14. Good day! Do you use Twitter? I’d like to follow you if that would be okay.
    I’m absolutely enjoying your blog and look forward to
    new posts.

    Comment by Layla — June 12, 2017 @ 10:11 am

  15. I couldn’t refrain from commenting. Perfectly written!

    Comment by Wilburn — June 13, 2017 @ 10:57 am

  16. Thanks for a marvelous posting! I certainly enjoyed reading
    it, you may be a great author.I will make certain to bookmark
    your blog and will often come back someday. I want to encourage that you continue your great job, have a nice morning!

    Comment by van hire amount — June 14, 2017 @ 12:01 pm

  17. I am regular reader, how are you everybody? This paragraph posted at this web site
    is actually pleasant.

    Comment by new orleans divorce lawyer — June 15, 2017 @ 1:14 pm

  18. Excellent web site. Plenty of useful info here. I am sending it to a
    few friends ans also sharing in delicious.
    And of course, thank you in your effort!

    Comment by hair lace front — June 16, 2017 @ 2:42 am

  19. Hi are using WordPress for your blog platform? I’m new to the blog world but I’m trying to get started and set up my own. Do you require any
    coding expertise to make your own blog? Any help would be really

    Comment by best legal advice — June 17, 2017 @ 2:18 am

  20. Appreciating the dedication you put into your website
    and in depth information you present. It’s nice to come across a blog every once in a while that isn’t
    the same old rehashed information. Excellent read! I’ve saved your site and I’m
    adding your RSS feeds to my Google account.

    Comment by hair cuts — June 18, 2017 @ 6:21 pm

  21. It’s a shame you don’t have a donate button! I’d definitely donate to this excellent blog!
    I guess for now i’ll settle for book-marking and adding your RSS
    feed to my Google account. I look forward to brand new updates and will
    share this blog with my Facebook group. Chat soon!

    Comment by wiki.griffins.com — June 18, 2017 @ 9:38 pm

  22. I read this article fully concerning the comparison of newest and preceding technologies, it’s amazing

    Comment by pujcovna.lunix.cz — June 18, 2017 @ 10:17 pm

  23. If you are going for best contents like myself, only visit this web
    page everyday because it provides feature contents, thanks

    Comment by having labels — June 20, 2017 @ 9:48 am

  24. I used to be recommended this website by way of my cousin. I’m now not certain whether or
    not this post is written by means of him as nobody else recognize such distinctive
    approximately my problem. You are wonderful! Thank you!

    Comment by https://pt.wikipedia.org/wiki/Antônio_Carlos_de_Arruda_Botelho — June 21, 2017 @ 7:58 pm

  25. Hi Dear, are you actually visiting this web site on a regular basis, if so after that you will definitely take pleasant knowledge.

    Comment by car computer exchange — June 21, 2017 @ 10:52 pm

  26. Hi there it’s me, I am also visiting this web
    site regularly, this web site is actually pleasant and the viewers are genuinely sharing fastidious thoughts.

    Comment by Hunter — June 24, 2017 @ 5:32 am

  27. I just couldn’t go away your web site prior to suggesting
    that I actually loved the standard information a person provide in your visitors?

    Is going to be again often to check up on new

    Comment by custom printed labels — June 24, 2017 @ 10:59 pm

  28. Does your blog have a contact page? I’m having problems
    locating it but, I’d like to send you an email.
    I’ve got some ideas for your blog you might be interested
    in hearing. Either way, great site and I look forward to seeing it grow over time.

    Comment by — June 25, 2017 @ 7:06 am

RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URL

Leave a comment

**Mean or otherwise out-of-line comments will be deleted. That’s just how we roll.


blog | advice | comics | animation | goodies | to do | archive | about us

Breakup Girl created by Lynn Harris & Chris Kalb
© 2008 Just Friends Productions, Inc.
| privacy policy
Cool Aid!

Important Breakup Girl Maxim:
Breakup Girl Sez


Powered by WordPress