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August 8, 2011

This week at Happen: Dateless in a small town

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 3:55 pm

MSN.com, Match.com, HappenMagazine.com: they’re in a healthy and satisfying 3-way relationship. Meaning that you can find MSN/Match.com’s “Ask Lynn” columns –penned by BG’s alter ego — over at Happen now as well.

This week Lynn hears from Stressed Jess who’s getting back out there after a finally ditching a “stuck” relationship.

The only problem is that my town is a small conservative town where there aren’t a lot of options. I’ve tried the whole online dating thing, but some people are just too far away or some just seem to want a fling. … How do I get back into the dating world?

Read Lynn’s advice at Happen, then come back here and add your own suggestions below!

1 Comment »

  1. A few years ago I read two articles (one by a man, one by a woman) who each tried to meet someone at 10 different locations (gym, bar, grocery store, etc). From those articles, I took away one very important piece of advice:
    You will do better at meeting people in an environment that you’re comfortable in.

    This doesn’t need to be an environment that Jess is already comfortable in. She can also choose at different environment, invest the time and energy it takes to become comfortable in that environment, and then be successful there.

    For me, dance classes and the social dance scene was an environment that I became comfortable in. There were several reasons that it became my best source for meeting women:

    1. There was a slow, steady influx of new people, so that dating pool never ran dry.

    2. There was a ready excuse to meet newcomers.

    3. People stayed around long enough that I could become acquainted with them over a few weeks. I didn’t have to get a phone number the first time I met a woman. And I got to where I was acquainted with (or friends with) a substantial number of people at dance events.

    Getting to know a lot of people (befriending them) in that kind of environment is more important than you might think. If you’re socializing with lots of people and they all seem to like you, the first impression a newcomer gets is that you’re a sociable, likeable person. The men (and even the women) who immediately try to hit on the newcomers are always kind of creepy. If you’re friendly with lots of people, it seems natural when you’re almost as friendly towards the newcomer.

    Furthermore, friends help make introductions. I met lots of women by walking up and saying “Hi” to my friends … who just happened to be chatting with a newcomer. After getting an introduction, I’d move on. I could come back and get to know the newcomer later in the evening, and the ice had already been broken.

    I also had a substantial number of women bring their friends over to me specifically in order to introduce us. I initially met my fiancée and two other serious girlfriends that way. My friends weren’t necessarily looking to play cupid. They primarily wanted their friend to meet people and feel comfortable.

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