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September 1, 2011

Confused at 15

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 9:00 am

Needing to talk on August 10, 1998

Dear Breakup Girl,

First of all, I am only 15. Which might make my problem less significant, but I am going to go ahead and tell you anyway.

My boyfriend of 6 months (who is 17 years old) just broke up with me. Needless to say, my heart is shattered. The fact that he proposed to me makes it even worse. I think he broke up with me because other things became more important. I don’t know what to do. Shortly after we broke up I discovered that I was pregnant. I miscarried. But now I can’t seem to get in touch with him. My question is, should I tell him that I was pregnant? Also when I saw him one day shortly after the breakup he told me he still loved me but he wanted to wait till I turned sixteen before we got back together. I think that is an influence from his Mom. The thing is I still love him so much. I have had offers from other guys but I feel if I go out with some one else I am betraying him in some odd way. Why? I am so confused. I want to contact him but is it wrong to make contact with him before he even tries to get in touch with me? I feel like I can’t put this whole thing to rest unless I discuss my feelings with him in private. We haven’t had a discussion more than 5 minutes long in the whole time since we broke up.

I hope I didn’t confuse you too bad, Breakup Girl. Please help me!

— Confused

Dear Confused,

Your problem is TOTALLY significant.

First of all, is your health okay? I assume you saw a doctor to make sure that your body is recovering okay from the miscarriage — about which I am terribly sorry. But on the off chance that you didn’t, and if you can’t tell an adult in your family, please check with a guidance counselor to find a clinic that you can visit. If this is a problem write to me and we’ll find something.

So yeah, as long as a doctor was aware of your pregnancy — and I’m really hoping a supportive friend or two were aware as well — I don’t see any reason for your ex-boyfriend to be. Not at this time, anyway. I’m not saying you should willfully conspire to hide things from him — things that are, arguably, his business. But for now, it’s for your own good. You feel awful enough already … let’s say you tell him, and you don’t get the kind, concerned, caring response you’d really like — well, you’ll feel even worse. If you rebuild a friendship, then someday, yeah, you could fill him in.

Still, it seems that there are plenty of other things you’ve not had the chance to share with him. I’d say write ’em down and mail them. Nice things, not mean things. Statements about how YOU feel, not questions or demands of him (such as “When are you coming back?”). I don’t really buy the 16-years-old thing (neither do you). So don’t count on a reunion, or even a response. But getting those feelings out might help the letting-go process.

As might dating other people — but I agree that you’re not ready yet. The breakup just happened — and you’ve gone through two big losses. Let me insist, though, that you are not betraying him if/when you do see someone else. It just feels like you are right now because, whether he is or not, you’re still attached. That bond will loosen up over time, I promise; it just doesn’t feel like that now. Especially if you work on tightening your ties with people — family, friends, superheroes — who know just how significant you truly are.

Breakup Girl

1 Comment »

  1. Qué bueno, qué bueno, qué bueno.Lo de los estilismos genial, sospecho que algunos los "crean" así.A Pilar Rahola la oí hace poco discutiendo en la radio (qué raro) y lo único que hacía era decirles a los demás lo que tenían o no tenían que decir. Qué democrática ¿verdad?Me ha gustado todo, pero me llevo a casa el pin de El Escorial y el país que no existe.

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  3. This hurts my heart, it’s so true. You’ve done some really evocative work, David – all so meaningful, but this one has cut me to the core. Of course, first I feel hurt because I recognize this is being done TO me. But this thought is quickly followed by the realization of how I am doing this to others. I didn’t even recognize it until this moment. I’m sure I’ll catch my breath soon. Thank you so much for this gift.

    Comment by http://triostinyhouse.com/a-good-insurance-agent.html — June 29, 2016 @ 4:09 pm

  4. PS…Tonto never really spoke like they made him on the Lone Ranger. Jay Silverheels was an eloquent speaker. “Me no enemy, heap big Lone Ranger dude…”

    Comment by http://superalfatrujillo.com/how-much-is-pet-insurance-for-a-rabbit.html — June 29, 2016 @ 6:44 pm

  5. Youre so cool! I dont suppose Ive read anything like this before. So nice to find any person with some unique ideas on this subject. realy thanks for starting this up. this website is something that’s wanted on the web, someone with just a little originality. useful job for bringing something new to the web!

    Comment by http://rockfordrealestategroup.com/aa-car-insurance-sign-in.html — June 29, 2016 @ 7:33 pm

  6. “Federica trascorse il resto della serata serena ed in allegria”. Strano, per uno che non può sorridere, alzare le braccia e concludere una frase di senso compiuto 😛 eh, se solo avessero fatto questi semplici test!PS la mail mi è arrivata con un simpatico incipit: “HANNO PARLATO DI QUESTA MAIL IERI AL TELEGIORNALE DI RAI UNO”. E’ arte!

    Comment by http://superalfatrujillo.com/most-stolen-cars.html — June 29, 2016 @ 8:41 pm

  7. jeriel, que nota compltea, muy profesional, y bien armada, te felicito!!!!geroges y hugo el enviaran siempre todos los vinos para que hagan catas con gente profesional de sus equipos!!!!suerte hoy contra korea!!!! le meten 4????

    Comment by http://triostinyhouse.com/nissan-free-car-insurance.html — June 29, 2016 @ 10:29 pm

  8. Helteiden kypsyttämä jämähtäneisyys on meillä aistittavissa ja nähtävissä. Suunnitelmia oli täksi kesäksi ja nyt ne samat suunnitelmat odottavat syksyn viileitä päiviä. Luulen, että odottavat kevääseen saakka! Kaunis amppeli.

    Comment by auto insurance quote — June 29, 2016 @ 11:04 pm

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