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September 1, 2011

Confused at 15

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 9:00 am

Needing to talk on August 10, 1998

Dear Breakup Girl,

First of all, I am only 15. Which might make my problem less significant, but I am going to go ahead and tell you anyway.

My boyfriend of 6 months (who is 17 years old) just broke up with me. Needless to say, my heart is shattered. The fact that he proposed to me makes it even worse. I think he broke up with me because other things became more important. I don’t know what to do. Shortly after we broke up I discovered that I was pregnant. I miscarried. But now I can’t seem to get in touch with him. My question is, should I tell him that I was pregnant? Also when I saw him one day shortly after the breakup he told me he still loved me but he wanted to wait till I turned sixteen before we got back together. I think that is an influence from his Mom. The thing is I still love him so much. I have had offers from other guys but I feel if I go out with some one else I am betraying him in some odd way. Why? I am so confused. I want to contact him but is it wrong to make contact with him before he even tries to get in touch with me? I feel like I can’t put this whole thing to rest unless I discuss my feelings with him in private. We haven’t had a discussion more than 5 minutes long in the whole time since we broke up.

I hope I didn’t confuse you too bad, Breakup Girl. Please help me!

— Confused

Dear Confused,

Your problem is TOTALLY significant.

First of all, is your health okay? I assume you saw a doctor to make sure that your body is recovering okay from the miscarriage — about which I am terribly sorry. But on the off chance that you didn’t, and if you can’t tell an adult in your family, please check with a guidance counselor to find a clinic that you can visit. If this is a problem write to me and we’ll find something.

So yeah, as long as a doctor was aware of your pregnancy — and I’m really hoping a supportive friend or two were aware as well — I don’t see any reason for your ex-boyfriend to be. Not at this time, anyway. I’m not saying you should willfully conspire to hide things from him — things that are, arguably, his business. But for now, it’s for your own good. You feel awful enough already … let’s say you tell him, and you don’t get the kind, concerned, caring response you’d really like — well, you’ll feel even worse. If you rebuild a friendship, then someday, yeah, you could fill him in.

Still, it seems that there are plenty of other things you’ve not had the chance to share with him. I’d say write ’em down and mail them. Nice things, not mean things. Statements about how YOU feel, not questions or demands of him (such as “When are you coming back?”). I don’t really buy the 16-years-old thing (neither do you). So don’t count on a reunion, or even a response. But getting those feelings out might help the letting-go process.

As might dating other people — but I agree that you’re not ready yet. The breakup just happened — and you’ve gone through two big losses. Let me insist, though, that you are not betraying him if/when you do see someone else. It just feels like you are right now because, whether he is or not, you’re still attached. That bond will loosen up over time, I promise; it just doesn’t feel like that now. Especially if you work on tightening your ties with people — family, friends, superheroes — who know just how significant you truly are.

Breakup Girl

1 Comment »

  1. Hello everyone, My name is Jennifer Woodward, from USA, I and my husband got married for more than 11 years and have gotten two kids. thing were going well with us and we are always happy. until one day my husband started to behave in a way i could not understand, i was very confused by the way he treat me and the kids. later that month he did not come home again and he called me that he want a divorce, i asked him what have i done wrong to deserve this from him, all he was saying is that he want a divorce that he hate me and do not want to see me again in his life, i was mad and also frustrated do not know what to do,i was sick for more than 2 weeks because of the divorce. i love him so much he was my everything to me without him my life is incomplete. i told my sister and she told me to contact a spell caster, i never believe in all this spell casting of a thing. i just want to try if something will come out of it. i contacted Dr Iyaryi for the return of my husband to me, they told me that my husband have been taken by another woman, that she cast a spell on him that is why he hate me and also want us to divorce. then they told me that they have to cast a spell on him that will make him return to me and the kids, He cast the spell and after 1 week my husband called me and he told me that i should forgive him, he started to apologize on phone and said that he still live me that he did not know what happen to him that he left me. it was the spell that he Dr Iyaryi cast on him that make him come back to me today,me and my family are now happy again today. thank you Dr Iyaryi for what you have done for me i would have been nothing today if not for your great spell. i want you my friends who are passing through all this kind of love problem of getting back their husband, wife , or ex boyfriend and girlfriend to contact Dr Iyaryi ,if you need his help you can contact him through his private mail: driayaryi2012@hotmail.com

    Comment by Jennifer Woodward — October 18, 2016 @ 2:25 pm

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