Getting comfortable on August 10, 1998…
Dear Breakup Girl,
My boyfriend and I started dating two years ago, and everything has been very good. We are both very athletic and enjoy running, etc. together. When we started dating, he had a great body. However, despite all the working out, his waistline has expanded greatly due to the his terrible eating habits. I have tried very hard to maintain my shape and have succeeded — which he is very happy about. I have known him for a long time and know that he has always had very high standards with respect to the bodies of the women he dates.
In any event, he has let himself go and I feel like he is taking me for granted. He told me that he has always been in great shape in between relationships and looking to date new people — but that he tends to gain weight when he is in one, because he gets “comfortable.” I know I sound superficial, but I feel as if he is being very hypocritical. He would be very unhappy if I had gained almost 20 pounds over the course of our relationship. On top of that, it is beginning to have an impact on my physical attraction to him. I have dropped hints, but nothing seems to work. How do I approach this subject with him?
Remember what I told Worry Wart? Among other things, I (well, Belleruth) noted that “as [her boyfriend] gets older, he will less and less be able to get away with abusing his body thusly. He’ll get some symptoms that will shape him up.” In your case, his symptoms might be: that he’s not getting laid. I AM NOT SAYING THAT YOU SHOULD PLAY SOME SEX-WITHHOLDING GAME. But I will wager that your waning attraction may not be entirely about your/Society’s “size-ist” taste in bedfellas. I’d be turned off, too, by someone so “comfortable” that he’s not willing to put the same level of “work” — whatever it may be — into a relationship that he expects from his girlfriend. How to approach the subject? For starters, the key word is not “full figure,” but rather, “full partner.”