Big To Do
About Us

“Saving Love Lives The World Over!” e-mail e-mail to a friend in need

September 15, 2011

Would love to settle down — yet I’m dating a musician

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 9:05 am

Disharmony from August 17, 1998

Dear Breakup Girl,

You rule… I discovered the site lo these many months ago, and can’t start the week without checking in. But now it’s time for me to receive the royal scepter bonk on the head, if you will, or perhaps the superheroine firm but kindly lasso round my constricted brain. Briefly (I swear!): Years of relationships lasting eight months or less. Frankly, I’m tired of it. It’s not that I want to get married per se, but I would like to find someone to, in a way, share the driving duties with me on the road of life. I’m very independent, sassy and all that, and I’m generally happy with my life and most everything is swell or at least manageable–except for this itty bitty absense of a partner. It doesn’t help that I’m in my mid-thirties and most of my friends have already hooked up with long-term squeezes, husbands, and all that, so there are increasingly fewer babes to play with out on the town.

Anyhow, I met this man in a band I was in…it was supposed to be a one- or two-shot deal, a couple of gigs and then b’bye but the music scene here is such that we kept running into each other after *ha* the gig was up. Then, we’re in another short-term band! Hoorah! So, more music, more hanging out. After one of these practices, we go to a party together, and I end up spending the night, and I’m happy, it all seems passionate and mutual and all manners of goodness.

The goodness continues for weeks, until he returns from a trip to the west coast, and is distant. We are still hanging out, still having fun, but there’s this odd wall there now. He tells me he’s moving to the west coast come January; I say OK, why don’t we just see what happens beforehand? He tells me he doesn’t think bandmates should date, it’s always Fleetwood Mac redux and I say oh, like Gloria and Emilio Estefan, or John Spencer and his wife in Boss Hogg? Again, why don’t we just see?

Ok, so this is longer than I intended…

THEN, the night of the gig, he tells me that there’s this other woman he’s “emotionally” involved with, but she’s moving to Italy soon. Oy!!! “I need space,” he says. I think, “I’ll say!” but say instead, “Call me if you want, but I’m not waiting.” And I elegantly stomp to my car before bursting into tears.

That was two weeks ago. He called me this past Wednesday, we chatted for an hour on Thursday and he seemed wound tighter than a clockspring… we were supposed to get together this weekend, but he overslept, I went out, etc. Clearly something is percolating in his mind and I suppose the best course of action would be to see what that is.

I guess my real question to you is, how can I prevent myself from going STARK RAVING MAD while these things play themselves out???? I’m been exercising (exorcising?) like Richard Simmons on speed (picture that if you dare), riding my bike into downtown traffic, yoga, taking long drives, reading, writing, of course playing music, and let’s not forget boring my friends and writing BG overly long missives. I appreciate, in theory, the ups and downs, the complexities of romance, but in practice I feel like I’m gonna hurl (emotional) chunks. Thank you, your SuperHeroineNess.

— The Heart is a Lonely Hunter

Dear Hunter,

Mad props, first of all, on your most excellent characterization of 30-something single angst. The “The women’s movement is wack” people — and the people who love them — are far too quick to say, “See, women SAY they’re independent and all that, but they really just want to get married.” Hello, why does this have to be a contradiction in terms? How come when men want to get married, they’re settling down, but when women do, they’re giving in? Couldn’t it be about partnership? Couldn’t it be that we think we’re hot enough sh*t to share, thank you very much? “Share the driving duties.” That is so good. And a little less flip than Breakup Girl’s usual quip: “I don’t ‘need a man,’ I need an assistant.”

That said, I will take issue with you on this: that, as you suggest, the best course of action would be to see what is percolating. Nah. Hunter, I’m not getting that this guy is going to come through for you. I mean, basically, the only reason I didn’t send you straight to the Breakup List and leave it at that is that I wanted to print the full text of your thoughtful, funny, so-true letter. Keep up the biking, yog-ing, driving, writing, etc. Keep down the chunks. If you are ready to hunker down and get serious, this one’s not worth it. Your social/work circles will spin you around to someone else.

Then again, if you do think any sort of BG intervention in Italy might help, I could make some calls.

Breakup Girl

No Comments »

  1. I’m really loving the theme/design of your
    weblog. Do you ever run into any internet
    browser compatibility issues? A number of my blog audience
    have complained about my website not working correctly in Explorer but looks great in Safari.
    Do you have any advice to help fix this problem?

    Comment by Bobby — May 24, 2017 @ 5:32 am

  2. Hello! Do you know if they make any plugins to protect against hackers?
    I’m kinda paranoid about losing everything I’ve worked
    hard on. Any tips?

    Comment by http://www.remaxxxx.de/ — May 24, 2017 @ 10:53 am

  3. Hi, all is going nicely here and ofcourse every one is sharing data,
    that’s truly fine, keep up writing.

    Comment by broadband and tv deals — May 24, 2017 @ 1:12 pm

  4. Hello, Neat post. There is an issue along with your site in internet
    explorer, could check this? IE nonetheless is the marketplace chief and a good element of people will miss your excellent writing because of this problem.

    Comment by cheap broadband — May 24, 2017 @ 1:20 pm

  5. This is my first time go to see at here and i am genuinely pleassant to read all at single place.

    Comment by Silvia Odete Morani Massad — May 24, 2017 @ 7:10 pm

  6. My brother recommended I might like this blog. He was entirely right.

    This post actually made my day. You cann’t imagine simply how much time I had spent for this info!

    Comment by Dotty — May 25, 2017 @ 1:34 am

  7. Thanks for every other informative blog. Where else may I
    am getting that kind of information written in such a perfect
    manner? I’ve a challenge that I am simply now operating on, and I
    have been at the look out for such info.

    Comment by court custody — May 25, 2017 @ 6:10 am

  8. Wow! Finally I got a blog from where I be capable of really
    get helpful data concerning my study and knowledge.

    Comment by Lorrine — May 25, 2017 @ 8:04 pm

  9. I blog frequently and I really thank you for your content.
    This article has really peaked my interest. I will book mark your site and keep checking for new information about once a week.
    I subscribed to your Feed too.

    Comment by muskokakia.ca — May 26, 2017 @ 5:29 am

  10. I think the admin of this web page is genuinely working hard in favor of his web site,
    because here every information is quality based material.

    Comment by Erica — May 26, 2017 @ 6:55 am

  11. It’s amazing in favor of me to have a website,
    which is helpful designed for my know-how. thanks admin

    Comment by airsoft handguns — May 27, 2017 @ 10:54 am

  12. We are a group of volunteers and starting a new scheme in our community.
    Your web site provided us with valuable information to
    work on. You’ve done an impressive job and our entire community will be
    thankful to you.

    Comment by Terrie — May 29, 2017 @ 9:24 am

  13. I’m not sure where you are getting your information, but great topic.
    I needs to spend some time learning much more or understanding more.
    Thanks for fantastic information I was looking for this information for my mission.

    Comment by van hire amount — May 30, 2017 @ 4:30 am

  14. Thank you for another informative website.
    Where else may I get that type of info written in such an ideal approach?
    I have a project that I’m simply now running on, and I’ve been at the look out for
    such information.

    Comment by bbs.dhnq.com — May 30, 2017 @ 11:58 pm

  15. Hi there! I know this is kind of off topic but I was wondering which blog platform are you using for this website?
    I’m getting fed up of WordPress because I’ve had problems with hackers and I’m looking at options for another platform.
    I would be fantastic if you could point me in the direction of a good platform.

    Comment by totomen.com — May 31, 2017 @ 3:36 pm

  16. hello there and thank you for your information – I’ve certainly
    picked up something new from right here. I did however expertise some technical points using this website, since I experienced to reload the website lots of times
    previous to I could get it to load correctly. I had been wondering if your web host is OK?
    Not that I’m complaining, but slow loading
    instances times will very frequently affect your placement in google and
    could damage your quality score if advertising and
    marketing with Adwords. Anyway I am adding this RSS to my email and can look
    out for a lot more of your respective fascinating content.

    Ensure that you update this again very soon.

    Comment by http://www.antiksalan.is/UserProfile/tabid/84/userId/1039465/Default.aspx — June 1, 2017 @ 12:24 am

  17. Asking questions are genuinely good thing if you
    are not understanding something totally, however this post offers good understanding yet.

    Comment by car computer exchange — June 1, 2017 @ 7:55 pm

  18. These are genuinely wonderful ideas in about blogging.
    You have touched some fastidious factors here. Any way keep up wrinting.

    Comment by hydrogen car — June 2, 2017 @ 1:38 am

  19. Good day! Do you know if they make any plugins to safeguard against hackers?
    I’m kinda paranoid about losing everything I’ve worked
    hard on. Any suggestions?

    Comment by custom suit made — June 3, 2017 @ 9:19 pm

  20. Hello, after reading this awesome piece of writing i am as well delighted
    to share my knowledge here with mates.

    Comment by harris tweed — June 4, 2017 @ 2:05 am

  21. Generally I don’t learn article on blogs, but I would like to say that
    this write-up very compelled me to take a look at and do it!

    Your writing style has been amazed me. Thanks, quite great article.

    Comment by fibre broadband deal — June 4, 2017 @ 4:12 am

  22. Way cool! Some extremely valid points! I appreciate you penning this post plus the rest of the website is extremely good.

    Comment by especially important — June 4, 2017 @ 4:25 pm

  23. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I truly appreciate your efforts and
    I will be waiting for your further write ups thank you once again.

    Comment by cruise ship vacancies — June 5, 2017 @ 6:40 am

  24. If some one wishes expert view about blogging and site-building afterward i
    advise him/her to go to see this blog, Keep up the pleasant job.

    Comment by http://sports.mcvane.ge — June 9, 2017 @ 2:36 pm

  25. I don’t even know how I stopped up here, however I assumed this post was once good.
    I do not understand who you are but certainly you are going to a famous blogger in case you are not already.

    Comment by car computer exchange — June 10, 2017 @ 9:39 pm

  26. Definitely consider that that you stated. Your favourite reason seemed to be on the web the
    simplest factor to bear in mind of. I say to
    you, I certainly get annoyed even as other folks consider concerns that they just do not realize about.
    You controlled to hit the nail upon the top and outlined
    out the whole thing with no need side effect , other people can take a signal.
    Will likely be again to get more. Thanks

    Comment by Cristina — June 15, 2017 @ 10:56 pm

  27. I am really impressed along with your writing skills as
    well as with the structure on your weblog. Is this a paid subject or did you modify it yourself?
    Either way keep up the nice quality writing, it is uncommon to peer a nice blog like
    this one today..

    Comment by car computer exchange — June 16, 2017 @ 2:01 am

  28. Just desire to say your article is as astounding.
    The clearness on your put up is simply nice and i could assume you’re knowledgeable in this subject.
    Well with your permission let me to seize your RSS feed to stay updated with approaching
    post. Thanks a million and please carry on the gratifying work.

    Comment by car pc — June 16, 2017 @ 2:34 am

  29. Hi there to every one, as I am truly keen of reading this
    web site’s post to be updated regularly. It consists of pleasant data.

    Comment by http://www.androidproblem.com — June 16, 2017 @ 12:57 pm

  30. Its like you read my mind! You appear to know a lot about this, like you wrote the book in it or something.

    I think that you could do with a few pics to drive the message
    home a little bit, but other than that, this is wonderful
    blog. A fantastic read. I’ll certainly be

    Comment by goal of becoming one of the best performing financial services — June 17, 2017 @ 1:30 am

  31. Hey! I realize this is sort of off-topic however I had to ask.

    Does running a well-established website like yours take
    a massive amount work? I’m completely new to running a blog but I do write in my journal everyday.
    I’d like to start a blog so I can share my personal
    experience and thoughts online. Please let me know if you have any kind of
    suggestions or tips for new aspiring blog owners.

    Comment by — June 17, 2017 @ 4:44 am

  32. Hey there! Would you mind if I share your blog with my twitter group?
    There’s a lot of people that I think would really appreciate your content.
    Please let me know. Many thanks

    Comment by free music downloads — June 17, 2017 @ 10:29 pm

  33. Your style is unique in comparison to other folks I’ve read stuff from.

    I appreciate you for posting when you’ve got the opportunity, Guess I’ll just bookmark
    this blog.

    Comment by extensions perfect — June 19, 2017 @ 4:46 am

  34. I need to to thank you for this great read!! I absolutely loved every bit of it.
    I have got you bookmarked to check out new stuff you post…

    Comment by Augusto de Arruda Botelho — June 21, 2017 @ 7:33 pm

  35. Marvelous, what a webpage it is! This webpage presents helpful data to us, keep it up.

    Comment by hair shinny — June 22, 2017 @ 4:39 am

  36. Howdy fantastic website! Does running a blog similar to this
    require a great deal of work? I have no expertise in coding but I had been hoping to start my own blog soon. Anyway,
    if you have any recommendations or tips for new blog owners please share.
    I know this is off topic nevertheless I just had to ask. Thank you!

    Comment by doubledubs.com — June 22, 2017 @ 6:38 pm

  37. What a stuff of un-ambiguity and preserveness of precious experience concerning unexpected feelings.

    Comment by Corazon — June 24, 2017 @ 4:44 pm

  38. I’m truly enjoying the design and layout of your website.
    It’s a very easy on the eyes which makes it much more enjoyable for me to come
    here and visit more often. Did you hire out a developer to create your theme?
    Exceptional work!

    Comment by uninstall dymo label — June 24, 2017 @ 11:25 pm

  39. Hi, I do believe this is a great site. I stumbledupon it ;
    ) I am going to revisit once again since i have book marked it.
    Money and freedom is the greatest way to change, may you be rich and continue to guide other people.

    Comment by hair extensions cost — June 25, 2017 @ 7:01 am

  40. Great web site you have got here.. It’s hard to find good quality writing like yours these
    days. I honestly appreciate people like you! Take care!!

    Comment by hair extension manhattan — June 25, 2017 @ 12:33 pm

  41. Awesome blog! Is your theme custom made or did you download it from somewhere?
    A theme like yours with a few simple tweeks would really make my blog shine.
    Please let me know where you got your theme. Kudos

    Comment by proper home security — June 26, 2017 @ 12:07 am

  42. Howdy! This article couldn’t be written much better! Reading through this post reminds me
    of my previous roommate! He constantly kept preaching about this.

    I am going to send this post to him. Pretty sure he’s going to have a very good read.
    Thanks for sharing!

    Comment by Katrice — June 26, 2017 @ 8:02 am

RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URL

Leave a comment

**Mean or otherwise out-of-line comments will be deleted. That’s just how we roll.


blog | advice | comics | animation | goodies | to do | archive | about us

Breakup Girl created by Lynn Harris & Chris Kalb
© 2008 Just Friends Productions, Inc.
| privacy policy
Cool Aid!

Important Breakup Girl Maxim:
Breakup Girl Sez


Powered by WordPress