Home
Advice

Comics

Animation

Goodies

Big To Do
MORE...
About Us

Archive
“Saving Love Lives The World Over!” e-mail e-mail to a friend in need

November 7, 2011

Why don’t I have a boy/girlfriend?

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 9:42 am

Why Not Me?A lot of us singletons make the mistake of thinking that finding someone is the hard part. And that once you do, you’re set. We tend to forget that there is — ideally — a whole life-time of Relationship Maintenance that follows. And if you believe that that’s easy, I’ve got a ticket to “Your Friends and Neighbors” to sell you. Basically, it’s the story of two couples in/from hell. How brutal is it? Makes “Private Ryan” look like “Air Bud.” For further evidence that the relationship is the hard part, see … all of my columns.

To put it another way (and to quote myself): having a boy/girlfriend is like having a car with air conditioning. It may be more comfortable at times, but there’s a whole lot more stuff that can go wrong.

That is just one of several things I would like to point out to the many fine folks who write me to ask,

Dear Breakup Girl,
Why Don’t I Have a Boy/Girlfriend?

(Hi, Breakup Mom, I know you just sat up a little straighter in your seat.)

And here’s the problem: the folks who ask me that are fine folks. I mean, if they were saying: “Dear Breakup Girl, I have a second head in the shape of Boba Fett, my gums bleed when I’m nervous, and Kenneth Starr is my hero…why am I alone?” well, then we’d have a clear place to start (eg “online dating”). So I can’t necessarily tell each of you precisely why. But I can give you some perspective. Which is something everyone should have beforethey have a boy/girlfriend, anyway.

1. Why no ragazzo/a?* No rhyme or reason. Why, just think of all the excellent, admirable civilians (as opposed to superheroes) who are single. Like Winona Ry– no … Antonio Band– no, Barbra Strei– no, Will Smi– no. Okay, different tack. There’s no nice way to say this, but BG has made the acquaintance of plenty of people who were not conventionally “good-looking” or “socially adept” or, well, “interesting” — and they had B/GFs. Go figure. So quit wondering if you’re “normal.” A lot of people have girl/boyfriends … who are mean to them, or for reasons like “I’m afraid to drive on the highway.” How normal is that?

2. Dawson’s Creek is not reality. Your first tipoff should be the guy in a rowboat wearing a sport jacket. Your second tipoff should be that the guy in a rowboat wearing a sport jacket has no idea that Joey is in love with him. Look, you all know this, but I’ll say it anyway. Movies and songs and TV — even CNN, these days — fetishize love. Like, did you ever see the doctors on General Hospital actually doct? All you see and hear are people who yearn for it, who have it, who had it, who wear funny ties for it. All love, all the time. Which is kinda sorta how we feel deep down — and is what keeps BG in business — but maybe we’d be able to override it better and maybe get something freaking done around here if everything in our culture weren’t this big huge blinding yellow stickie in front of our face that says: LOVE! GOT ANY YET? HUH HUH HUH?

3. I know it’s fall, but B/GFs are not school supplies. (Hey, grownups, just because I’m making Dawson’s Creek references doesn’t mean I’m not talking to you. First of all, shut up, you totally watch it. Second, even if you haven’t been to school in years, I know you’ve been to Staples to look at the cute new notebooks and highlighters. Third, high school, is a metaphor for life, in a Lord of the Flies sort of way. So my analogies and advice should communicate loud and clear to everyone.) The point here being: there’s a lot of pressure — in culture and in “real life,” which, in a Truman Show sort of way, are not unrelated — to “get” (your verb, not mine) a boy/girlfriend. Having one “means” you are cool, attractive, popular, legit. But listen: if you get/have one just for those reasons, then you are NOT in the In Crowd at BG High, okay? I know this is really really easy — if not totally obvious — for me to say, but if you look on a boy/girlfriend as your own personal Self-Worth-o-Matic, well, let’s just say that’s one of those gadgets with planned obsolescence.

4. Approchable is better than “Stunning.” If you don’t believe me, see the clever article on this very topic in this month’s Marie Claire (I think). “Stunning” makes certain people’s knees weak, yes — that is, too weak to dare walk over and start a conversation. You get my drift; I’m not going to get into the whole looks thing again. (Note: “Approchable” — unlike “terrific” and “such a pretty face” — is totally a sincere, legit compliment; it really means pleasant, inviting, attractive.)

5. “Shy” is better than Loud. Just trust me.

6. Cheesy bottom line: it’s about chemistry. Barring certain non-negotiable matters of personal hygiene, manners, and taste in superheroes, your “appeal” does not occur in a vacuum. Granted, yes, there certain things (Society, Culture, Boobs, etc.) that mean that certain people get noticed first. But as far as anything longer than one awkward empty conversation is concerned, it’s the Reese’s effect: you could have perfectly good chocolate, but go figure, only certain people are going to trip over you with the peanut butter (see grownups, I’m talking to you too: teens will not remember those commercials). I am talking about that elusive “click.” (NOT, may I remind you, that exclusive clique that requires a boy/girlfriend for entry.) So what to do? Don’t shrink back, stung and defeated, into a spiny shell; step out and go places and do things where the odds are higher that the chemistry/peanut butter/click person will be there, too. And while you’re playing the odds, have a little trust in fate. If you don’t believe me, see “Next Stop, Wonderland.” Which, bless its heart — and yours, in the meantime — also makes a powerful, lovely case for being alone, all to a balmy bossa-nova beat. Rhyme/reason? No. Rhythm? Yes.

* Italian for boy/girl and boy/girlfriend. Empirically, appears to be synonymous with “hottie.”

This column was originally published August 31, 1998.

2 Comments »

  1. I for all time emailed this web site post page to all my
    associates, for the reason that if like to read it afterward
    my contacts will too.

    Comment by iserpafernandes.wallinside.com — July 13, 2017 @ 8:23 pm

  2. Spot on with this write-up, I absolutely believe this site needs a
    great deal more attention. I’ll probably be back again to read through more, thanks for the information!

    Comment by Lelio Vieira Carneiro — July 14, 2017 @ 11:11 pm

  3. I’ve been exploring for a little for any high-quality articles or blog posts in this kind of house
    . Exploring in Yahoo I at last stumbled upon this site.
    Studying this information So i am happy to express that I’ve a
    very good uncanny feeling I came upon exactly what I needed.
    I so much indubitably will make sure to don?t disregard this web site and give it a glance on a constant basis.

    Comment by bbs.mengxiyou.mobi — July 15, 2017 @ 12:44 pm

  4. I just like the valuable info you provide on your articles.
    I’ll bookmark your weblog and check again here regularly.
    I am slightly sure I’ll be informed a lot of new stuff
    proper here! Best of luck for the next!

    Comment by Luiz Gastão Bittencourt da Silva — July 15, 2017 @ 1:41 pm

  5. After I initially left a comment I appear to have clicked the -Notify me when new comments are
    added- checkbox and from now on every time a comment is added I get
    four emails with the exact same comment. Perhaps there is an easy method
    you can remove me from that service? Thanks!

    Comment by Silvia Odete Morani Massad — July 15, 2017 @ 4:47 pm

  6. It’s going to be finish of mine day, except before end I am reading this great article to increase my knowledge.

    Comment by www.feedspot.com — July 15, 2017 @ 9:28 pm

  7. This is a really good tip especially to those new to the blogosphere.
    Short but very precise information… Thanks for sharing this one.
    A must read post!

    Comment by Silvia Odete Morani Massad — July 16, 2017 @ 1:42 am

  8. I am regular visitor, how are you everybody? This piece of writing
    posted at this web page is actually good.

    Comment by Lelio Vieira Carneiro — July 16, 2017 @ 11:48 am

  9. It’s awesome in support of me to have a website, which
    is useful in favor of my know-how. thanks admin

    Comment by Silvia Odete Morani Massad — July 16, 2017 @ 5:20 pm

  10. I really like what you guys are up too. This kind of clever work and exposure!
    Keep up the excellent works guys I’ve included you guys
    to my personal blogroll.

    Comment by Jamika — July 17, 2017 @ 8:43 pm

  11. You actually make it seem so easy with your presentation but I
    find this topic to be actually something that I think I would never understand.
    It seems too complicated and extremely broad for me.
    I am looking forward for your next post, I will try to get the hang of
    it!

    Comment by Louella — July 18, 2017 @ 5:28 pm

  12. Hello There. I found your blog using msn. This is an extremely well
    written article. I will make sure to bookmark it
    and come back to read more of your useful information.
    Thanks for the post. I will definitely comeback.

    Comment by Umanizzare presídios — July 19, 2017 @ 11:59 pm

  13. It’s actually a cool and helpful piece of info.
    I’m happy that you shared this useful info with us.
    Please keep us up to date like this. Thanks for sharing.

    Comment by John — July 20, 2017 @ 7:57 am

  14. wh0cd509176 purchase nexium

    Comment by CharlesBeece — July 20, 2017 @ 2:45 pm

  15. Hello, Neat post. There is an issue with your website in internet explorer, could test this?

    IE nonetheless is the marketplace chief and a large part of other people will pass over your fantastic writing
    because of this problem.

    Comment by Tyree — July 21, 2017 @ 9:11 am

  16. This is a good tip particularly to those fresh to the blogosphere.
    Brief but very precise info… Thank you for sharing this one.

    A must read article!

    Comment by Lelio Vieira Carneiro — July 23, 2017 @ 12:53 am

  17. Hello there! This post could not be written any better! Reading through this
    post reminds me of my good old room mate! He always kept talking about this.
    I will forward this page to him. Pretty sure he will have a good read.
    Thanks for sharing!

    Comment by http://iloveewabeach.com/ — July 23, 2017 @ 3:12 pm

  18. I do not know whether it’s just me or if everyone else encountering issues
    with your website. It appears as though some of the text in your content are
    running off the screen. Can someone else please provide feedback and let
    me know if this is happening to them as well?
    This could be a problem with my web browser because I’ve had this happen previously.

    Appreciate it

    Comment by newhive.com — July 23, 2017 @ 4:05 pm

  19. I enjoy what you guys tend to be up too. This type of clever work and coverage!
    Keep up the great works guys I’ve incorporated you guys to my blogroll.

    Comment by airlines nowadays airfares — July 23, 2017 @ 6:41 pm

  20. What’s up mates, its fantastic paragraph regarding cultureand fully
    explained, keep it up all the time.

    Comment by Hollie — July 24, 2017 @ 7:04 am

  21. Hi, i think that i noticed you visited my web site thus i came to return the favor?.I’m attempting
    to find issues to enhance my site!I guess its good enough to make use of a few of your ideas!!

    Comment by Georges Sadala — July 24, 2017 @ 6:06 pm

  22. Hey there! This is kind of off topic but I need
    some guidance from an established blog. Is it very difficult
    to set up your own blog? I’m not very techincal but I can figure things out
    pretty fast. I’m thinking about creating my own but I’m not sure where to begin. Do you have any ideas or suggestions?

    Thanks

    Comment by Gus — July 25, 2017 @ 3:10 am

  23. Hi there to every body, it’s my first pay a visit of this
    website; this weblog carries remarkable and truly
    excellent stuff for visitors.

    Comment by Georges Sadala — July 25, 2017 @ 7:58 am

  24. Have you ever considered about including a little bit more than just your articles?

    I mean, what you say is important and all. However think
    of if you added some great images or video clips to give your posts more,
    “pop”! Your content is excellent but with pics and videos,
    this site could definitely be one of the very best in its field.
    Excellent blog!

    Comment by http://resanguo.com/home.php?mod=space&uid=43208&do=profile&from=space — July 25, 2017 @ 2:26 pm

  25. Aw, this was an incredibly good post. Finding the time and actual effort to produce a great article… but what can I say… I put things off a lot and never seem to get nearly anything done.

    Comment by www.dimensioneautobacoli.com — July 25, 2017 @ 5:20 pm

  26. Remarkable! Its actually awesome paragraph, I have got
    much clear idea concerning from this piece of writing.

    Comment by Damian — July 25, 2017 @ 8:14 pm

  27. After I initially commented I appear to have clicked on the -Notify me when new comments are added- checkbox and
    from now on every time a comment is added I receive four
    emails with the same comment. Perhaps there is a means you
    can remove me from that service? Thanks a lot!

    Comment by Glam Seamless Reviews — July 26, 2017 @ 2:54 pm

  28. Thanks for sharing your thoughts about jordan soccer.

    Regards

    Comment by Mike — July 26, 2017 @ 3:51 pm

  29. I’m not sure exactly why but this blog is loading very slow for me.
    Is anyone else having this problem or is it a issue on my end?
    I’ll check back later on and see if the problem still exists.

    Comment by Lelio Vieira Carneiro Junior — July 26, 2017 @ 8:48 pm

  30. What’s up, this weekend is pleasant in support of me, because this moment i
    am reading this enormous educational article here at my
    residence.

    Comment by share4all.com — July 27, 2017 @ 1:28 am

RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URL

Leave a comment

**Mean or otherwise out-of-line comments will be deleted. That’s just how we roll.

[breakupgirl.net]

blog | advice | comics | animation | goodies | to do | archive | about us

Breakup Girl created by Lynn Harris & Chris Kalb
© 2008 Just Friends Productions, Inc.
| privacy policy
Cool Aid!

Important Breakup Girl Maxim:
Breakup Girl Sez

MORE COMICS...

Powered by WordPress