Home
Advice

Comics

Animation

Goodies

Big To Do
MORE...
About Us

Archive
“Saving Love Lives The World Over!” e-mail e-mail to a friend in need

November 7, 2011

Why don’t I have a boy/girlfriend?

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 9:42 am

Why Not Me?A lot of us singletons make the mistake of thinking that finding someone is the hard part. And that once you do, you’re set. We tend to forget that there is — ideally — a whole life-time of Relationship Maintenance that follows. And if you believe that that’s easy, I’ve got a ticket to “Your Friends and Neighbors” to sell you. Basically, it’s the story of two couples in/from hell. How brutal is it? Makes “Private Ryan” look like “Air Bud.” For further evidence that the relationship is the hard part, see … all of my columns.

To put it another way (and to quote myself): having a boy/girlfriend is like having a car with air conditioning. It may be more comfortable at times, but there’s a whole lot more stuff that can go wrong.

That is just one of several things I would like to point out to the many fine folks who write me to ask,

Dear Breakup Girl,
Why Don’t I Have a Boy/Girlfriend?

(Hi, Breakup Mom, I know you just sat up a little straighter in your seat.)

And here’s the problem: the folks who ask me that are fine folks. I mean, if they were saying: “Dear Breakup Girl, I have a second head in the shape of Boba Fett, my gums bleed when I’m nervous, and Kenneth Starr is my hero…why am I alone?” well, then we’d have a clear place to start (eg “online dating”). So I can’t necessarily tell each of you precisely why. But I can give you some perspective. Which is something everyone should have beforethey have a boy/girlfriend, anyway.

1. Why no ragazzo/a?* No rhyme or reason. Why, just think of all the excellent, admirable civilians (as opposed to superheroes) who are single. Like Winona Ry– no … Antonio Band– no, Barbra Strei– no, Will Smi– no. Okay, different tack. There’s no nice way to say this, but BG has made the acquaintance of plenty of people who were not conventionally “good-looking” or “socially adept” or, well, “interesting” — and they had B/GFs. Go figure. So quit wondering if you’re “normal.” A lot of people have girl/boyfriends … who are mean to them, or for reasons like “I’m afraid to drive on the highway.” How normal is that?

2. Dawson’s Creek is not reality. Your first tipoff should be the guy in a rowboat wearing a sport jacket. Your second tipoff should be that the guy in a rowboat wearing a sport jacket has no idea that Joey is in love with him. Look, you all know this, but I’ll say it anyway. Movies and songs and TV — even CNN, these days — fetishize love. Like, did you ever see the doctors on General Hospital actually doct? All you see and hear are people who yearn for it, who have it, who had it, who wear funny ties for it. All love, all the time. Which is kinda sorta how we feel deep down — and is what keeps BG in business — but maybe we’d be able to override it better and maybe get something freaking done around here if everything in our culture weren’t this big huge blinding yellow stickie in front of our face that says: LOVE! GOT ANY YET? HUH HUH HUH?

3. I know it’s fall, but B/GFs are not school supplies. (Hey, grownups, just because I’m making Dawson’s Creek references doesn’t mean I’m not talking to you. First of all, shut up, you totally watch it. Second, even if you haven’t been to school in years, I know you’ve been to Staples to look at the cute new notebooks and highlighters. Third, high school, is a metaphor for life, in a Lord of the Flies sort of way. So my analogies and advice should communicate loud and clear to everyone.) The point here being: there’s a lot of pressure — in culture and in “real life,” which, in a Truman Show sort of way, are not unrelated — to “get” (your verb, not mine) a boy/girlfriend. Having one “means” you are cool, attractive, popular, legit. But listen: if you get/have one just for those reasons, then you are NOT in the In Crowd at BG High, okay? I know this is really really easy — if not totally obvious — for me to say, but if you look on a boy/girlfriend as your own personal Self-Worth-o-Matic, well, let’s just say that’s one of those gadgets with planned obsolescence.

4. Approchable is better than “Stunning.” If you don’t believe me, see the clever article on this very topic in this month’s Marie Claire (I think). “Stunning” makes certain people’s knees weak, yes — that is, too weak to dare walk over and start a conversation. You get my drift; I’m not going to get into the whole looks thing again. (Note: “Approchable” — unlike “terrific” and “such a pretty face” — is totally a sincere, legit compliment; it really means pleasant, inviting, attractive.)

5. “Shy” is better than Loud. Just trust me.

6. Cheesy bottom line: it’s about chemistry. Barring certain non-negotiable matters of personal hygiene, manners, and taste in superheroes, your “appeal” does not occur in a vacuum. Granted, yes, there certain things (Society, Culture, Boobs, etc.) that mean that certain people get noticed first. But as far as anything longer than one awkward empty conversation is concerned, it’s the Reese’s effect: you could have perfectly good chocolate, but go figure, only certain people are going to trip over you with the peanut butter (see grownups, I’m talking to you too: teens will not remember those commercials). I am talking about that elusive “click.” (NOT, may I remind you, that exclusive clique that requires a boy/girlfriend for entry.) So what to do? Don’t shrink back, stung and defeated, into a spiny shell; step out and go places and do things where the odds are higher that the chemistry/peanut butter/click person will be there, too. And while you’re playing the odds, have a little trust in fate. If you don’t believe me, see “Next Stop, Wonderland.” Which, bless its heart — and yours, in the meantime — also makes a powerful, lovely case for being alone, all to a balmy bossa-nova beat. Rhyme/reason? No. Rhythm? Yes.

* Italian for boy/girl and boy/girlfriend. Empirically, appears to be synonymous with “hottie.”

This column was originally published August 31, 1998.

2 Comments »

  1. pandora jewelry of pandora jewelry official site fici pandora jewelry al sitepandora jewelryyeezy shoesadidas yeezyyeezy boostyeezy boost 350 v2red bottomred bottom shoeslouboutin shoeschristian louboutin shoesnike va yeezy shoes por maxvapormaxnike vapor maxnike air max 2018air max 2018longchamp bagslongchamp bagsadidas outlet storeadidas outlet storefenty p

    Comment by 3uPR6lGx — March 26, 2018 @ 1:24 am

  2. pandora charmspandora jewelryyeezy boostad pandora charms idas yeezyyeezy boost 350 v2yeezy boost 350 v2red bottom shoesred bot pandora jewelry tom shoeslouboutin shoeschristian louboutin outletvapormaxair vapormaxair vapormaxnike air max 2018nike air max 2018longchamplongchamp yeezy boost handbagsadidas shoesadidas outletfenty pumapuma shoesp

    Comment by 7qSu9cVB — March 26, 2018 @ 1:24 am

  3. pandora jewelry official sitepandora charmsadidas yeezyye pandora jewelry official site ezy boostyeezy boost 350 v2yeez pandora charms y boostred bottomred bottomschristian louboutin shoeschristian louboutin shoesnike air vapormaxvapormaxnike vapor maxnike air maxnike air max 2018longchamp bagslongcham adidas yeezy p outletadidas shoesadidas outletrihanna pum

    Comment by 6zCQ3nMr — April 2, 2018 @ 4:01 pm

  4. pandora jewelry official sitepandora brace pandora jewelry official site letadidas yeezyyeezy boostyeezy boost 350 v2yeezy boost 350red bo pandora bracelet ttom shoesred bottomlouboutin shoeschristian louboutin shoesnike vapor maxair vapormaxair vapormaxnike air maxnike air max 2018longchamp handbagslongchampadidas shoesadidas shoesrihanna f adidas yeezy enty p

    Comment by 4eGr7zPY — April 2, 2018 @ 4:01 pm

  5. pandora jewelry official sitepandora jewelry storepandora charmspandor pandora jewelry official site a braceletpando pandora jewelry store ra ukpandora charmspandora charmspandora jewelryred jordan 11jordan 11 redred 11sjordan 11 gym redred jordan 11win like 96 11sjordan 11 win like 96air jordan 11 win like 82jordan 11 win like 82jordan retr pandora charms ojordan ret

    Comment by 8iGL1hOB — April 3, 2018 @ 12:47 am

  6. pandora pandora jewelry official site jewelry offic pandora ial sitepandorapandora charmspandora braceletpandora charmspandora charmspandora jewelrypandora charms ukred jordan 11jordan 11 r pandora charms edgym red 11gym red 11red jordan 11win like 96win like 96 11swin like 82win like 82air jordan retro 11retro jordansmbt shoes clearancembt shoes cleara

    Comment by 5vU58zGK — April 3, 2018 @ 12:47 am

  7. Polished concrete floors have few disadvantages.

    Comment by floor polishing services malaysia — April 3, 2018 @ 6:56 am

  8. p pandora jewelry site andora jewelry sitepandora jewelry storepandorapandora char pandora jewelry store mspandora ukpandora ukpandora ukpandora charms ukjordan 11 redred jordan 11jordan 11 redred 11sjor pandora dan 11win like 96win like 96jordan 11 win like 82air jordan 11 win like 82jordan retro 11retro jordansmbt shoes clearancembt shoes clearancebi

    Comment by 3kVs0uUQ — April 3, 2018 @ 5:04 pm

  9. pandora charmspandor pandora charms a brace pandora bracelet letyeezy boostyeezy boostyeezy boost 350 v2yeezy boostred bottom shoesred bottoms louboutinchristian louboutin outletlouboutin shoes yeezy boost nike vapor maxnike vapor maxnike vapor maxnike air max 2018air max 2018longchamp outletlongchamp handbagsadidas shoesadidas outletpuma shoesp

    Comment by 8dJY2vUM — April 3, 2018 @ 5:04 pm

  10. pandora jewelrypandor pandora jewelry a charmsadidas yeezyyeezy boostyeezy boost 350yeezy boost 350red bottomsred bot pandora charms tomlouboutin shoeschristian louboutin outletnike air vapormaxvapormaxair vapormaxair max 2018air max 2018longchamp handbagslongchamp bagsa adidas yeezy didas outlet storeadidas outletrihanna pumafenty pumafenty pum

    Comment by 3lT33iAh — April 11, 2018 @ 2:54 pm

  11. pandora jewelry official sitepandora charmsyeezy shoesadidas yeezyyee pandora jewelry official site zy boost 350 v2yeezy boost 350red bottomred botto pandora charms m shoeslouboutin shoeslouboutin outletnike air vapormaxvapormaxvapormaxnike air maxnike air max 2018longchamp outletlongchamp handbagsadidas outletadidas shoesfenty pumarihanna puma yeezy shoes p

    Comment by 8oZ01fMG — April 11, 2018 @ 2:55 pm

  12. pandora jewelry official sitepandora braceletyeezy boostyeezy shoesyeezy b pandora jewelry official site oost 350 v2ye pandora bracelet ezy boost 350red bottomred bottomschristian louboutin outletchristian louboutin outletnike vapor maxnike vapor maxnike air vapormaxnike air max 2018air max 2018longchamp yeezy boost outletlongchamp bagsadidas shoesadidas outl

    Comment by 7iBs3pLa — April 11, 2018 @ 2:56 pm

  13. rihanna fenty pumaair vapormaxadidas outlet storeyeezy boost 350fenty puma http://www.celebritiescity.com/k-fred-astaire-402.htm pa http://sn.ras.ru/index.php/members/home ndora braceletlongchamp outletlongchampadidas outletyeezy boost 350 v2puma shoespandora jewelry official sitechristian louboutin shoesair max 2018air vapormaxyeezy shoesred bottomsadidas yeezylouboutin outletnike air max 2 http://www.airpacmodels.com/photo/details.php?image_id=466 01

    Comment by 4eTZ8aVO — April 17, 2018 @ 9:34 pm

  14. puma sho http://www.kamfaiwongs.com/shownews.asp?id=34 esair vapormaxadidas outletyeezy boost 350puma fentypandora charmslo http://unlulerkervani.com/r-yabanci-kadin-unluler-14-grace-kelly-resimleri-547-grace-kelly-resimleri-16970.htm ngchamplongchampadidas outletyeezy boost 350puma fentypandora jewelrylouboutin shoesair max 2018nike air vapormaxyeezy boostred bottoms lo http://emdadgar.sums.ac.ir/media/details.php?image_id=1005 uboutinadidas yeezychristian louboutin shoesair max 2018vapormaxred bottom shoes相关的主题文

    Comment by 4rCk4lSC — April 18, 2018 @ 2:23 pm

RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URL

Leave a comment

**Mean or otherwise out-of-line comments will be deleted. That’s just how we roll.

[breakupgirl.net]

blog | advice | comics | animation | goodies | to do | archive | about us

Breakup Girl created by Lynn Harris & Chris Kalb
© 2008 Just Friends Productions, Inc.
| privacy policy
Cool Aid!

Important Breakup Girl Maxim:
Breakup Girl Sez

MORE COMICS...

Powered by WordPress