Home
Advice

Comics

Animation

Goodies

Big To Do
MORE...
About Us

Archive
“Saving Love Lives The World Over!” e-mail e-mail to a friend in need

November 22, 2011

Today my girlfriend got an abortion

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 9:22 am

Love and loss on August 31, 1998

Dear Breakup Girl,

Today my girlfriend got an abortion. We had talked about it and both agreed that it was the lesser of two evils, the other being pregnancy. We are both young and I will be going away to college in the fall. I went to the clinic and sat with my g/f in the OR while the procedure was going on. Then on the drive home I began to feel a sense of loss, despair. I thought that I had prepared myself, I was more worried about my g/f’s emotions. But I had forgotten about myself.

I want to be strong but it’s very hard for me especially with the added stress of my leaving and being 2 hours away.

The questions are:

1) How have male partners dealt with abortion in the past?

2) Would I be a bastard to break up with my g/f after she has had time to get over the abortion?

Thank you.

— James


Dear James,

You are clearly struggling hard and doing your best. And your analysis seems accurate: in the process of focusing on your girlfriend, you forgot that the experience would be a traumatic loss for you, too. Just because you decide something is the Right Thing doesn’t mean it’s easy. Listen, kiddo, I’d be worried if you didn’t feel anything.

As for your questions, I can’t tell you exactly how male partners have dealt with abortion in the past. But I can guarantee you that there is no one way. I can see why it’s tough: you want to be there for your girlfriend, and as much as you want to go through this together, you might feel like, “Wow, well, but I can’t burden her with my problems about it.” So the key is to find someone else to talk to about it (which you’ve started to do by writing to me), and/or, at very least, so find some third-party way of sorting out your feelings. Suggestion (1): plug in your zip code here to find phone counseling services in your area. Suggestion (2): check out this book. Much of it focuses on the “before,” and on the woman, but quite a bit — especially the thinking/writing exercises — will apply to you. Maybe share it with your girlfriend. No, on second thought, she should have a separate copy. Your experiences need to be your own at this point.

Which brings me to your second question. I’m clear on the increased, acute sense of responsibility conferred here by the experience of pregnancy and abortion. Would I use the b-word if you’d dropped her off at the clinic and disappeared into thin air? Perhaps. However, while you may be forever bound to her spiritually by this experience, it does not require you to be bound to her forever boyfriendally. If you have reasons OTHER THAN BEING FREAKED OUT BY THE ABORTION for feeling a need to move on (like, say, going to college), then I trust your judgment, and you should, too. See, in general — even under particularly trying circumstances — staying with someone for the sole purpose of not being mean … is mean.

So, James, my answers to questions 1 and 2 are not unrelated. Find a way to focus on, sort out, and label your feelings. Do your best to figure out how you feel about the abortion, how the abortion made you feel about the relationship, and how you would feel about the relationship if the pregnancy had never happened. Trust yourself. And trust me, you are strong. Good luck in college.

Love,
Breakup Girl

1 Comment »

  1. It’s hard to come by educated people for this subject, but
    you seem like you know what you’re talking about! Thanks

    Comment by broadband and phone deals — May 23, 2017 @ 5:39 pm

  2. I know this web page gives quality dependent content and other information, is there
    any other web page which offers such information in quality?

    Comment by Silvia Odete Morani Massad — May 25, 2017 @ 9:22 am

  3. Its such as you read my mind! You appear to grasp so much about
    this, such as you wrote the guide in it or something.
    I feel that you just could do with a few percent to drive the
    message home a little bit, but other than that, this is fantastic blog.

    A great read. I will certainly be back.

    Comment by pt-br.facebook.com — May 25, 2017 @ 9:10 pm

  4. Pretty section of content. I just stumbled upon your web
    site and in accession capital to assert that I get in fact enjoyed account your weblog posts.
    Anyway I’ll be subscribing on your feeds and even I fulfillment you get entry to consistently quickly.

    Comment by Enriqueta — May 26, 2017 @ 4:36 am

  5. Good day! Do you know if they make any plugins to safeguard against
    hackers? I’m kinda paranoid about losing everything I’ve worked hard on. Any
    tips?

    Comment by divorce attorney new york — May 27, 2017 @ 12:25 am

  6. Hello to every one, for the reason that I am really keen of
    reading this web site’s post to be updated daily. It includes nice stuff.

    Comment by online stock trading company — May 27, 2017 @ 11:24 am

  7. Yes! Finally something about cruise vacation planning.

    Comment by important items — May 27, 2017 @ 4:27 pm

  8. I think the admin of this website is in fact working hard in support of his website, since here every information is quality based material.

    Comment by Deloras — May 27, 2017 @ 8:20 pm

  9. Pretty! This was an incredibly wonderful article.

    Thank you for providing this info.

    Comment by glam seamless review — May 28, 2017 @ 7:32 pm

  10. There are actually remarkable upgrades on the design of this website, I truly love that. My site is dealing with showbox android apk and there are a lot of stuff to be done, I am yet still a rookie in internet site design. Thanks!

    Comment by showbox apk for android — May 29, 2017 @ 6:45 am

  11. When I initially commented I clicked the “Notify me when new comments are added” checkbox and
    now each time a comment is added I get three e-mails with
    the same comment. Is there any way you can remove people from that service?
    Thanks a lot!

    Comment by https://yeaytvshop.com/members/jolenestone34/activity/77192/ — May 29, 2017 @ 7:00 pm

  12. I’m really impressed with your writing skills as well as with the layout on your blog.
    Is this a paid theme or did you modify it yourself?

    Anyway keep up the nice quality writing, it is rare to see
    a nice blog like this one these days.

    Comment by Kelley — May 31, 2017 @ 7:20 pm

  13. Hi there! Would you mind if I share your blog with my facebook group?
    There’s a lot of folks that I think would really enjoy your content.

    Please let me know. Thank you

    Comment by fashion style — June 2, 2017 @ 9:46 am

  14. It’s in fact very difficult in this active life to listen news on Television, so I just use internet for
    that purpose, and obtain the hottest news.

    Comment by running exercise better — June 2, 2017 @ 10:01 am

  15. continuously i used to read smaller posts that also clear their motive, and that is also happening with this
    article which I am reading now.

    Comment by www.smartmylife.fr — June 2, 2017 @ 11:34 am

  16. I simply could not leave your website prior to suggesting that I extremely enjoyed the usual information a person provide on your visitors?
    Is going to be again regularly to inspect new posts

    Comment by Charles — June 2, 2017 @ 1:00 pm

  17. If you are going for most excellent contents like I do, simply
    visit this website daily because it gives quality contents, thanks

    Comment by resorts network offer — June 2, 2017 @ 7:24 pm

  18. Link exchange is nothing else but it is simply placing the
    other person’s weblog link on your page at suitable
    place and other person will also do same for you.

    Comment by business world — June 2, 2017 @ 9:41 pm

  19. hey there and thank you for your info – I have definitely
    picked up anything new from right here. I did however expertise several technical issues using this site,
    as I experienced to reload the website lots of times previous to I
    could get it to load correctly. I had been wondering if your web hosting
    is OK? Not that I’m complaining, but slow loading instances
    times will sometimes affect your placement in google and could damage your
    high quality score if ads and marketing with Adwords. Anyway I’m adding this RSS to my e-mail
    and can look out for a lot more of your respective exciting content.
    Make sure you update this again very soon.

    Comment by suite life of zack and cody — June 3, 2017 @ 2:03 pm

  20. This excellent website certainly has all of the info I wanted concerning this subject and didn’t know who to ask.

    Comment by Jacquelyn — June 4, 2017 @ 12:18 am

  21. Awesome! Its really remarkable paragraph,
    I have got much clear idea on the topic of from this paragraph.

    Comment by www.geldanlagen-talk.de — June 4, 2017 @ 1:55 pm

  22. Its such as you learn my thoughts! You seem to understand
    a lot approximately this, such as you wrote the guide in it or something.
    I think that you just can do with a few percent to
    force the message home a little bit, however instead of that, this is
    magnificent blog. An excellent read. I will certainly be
    back.

    Comment by Cindi — June 4, 2017 @ 1:58 pm

  23. It’s actually very complicated in this full of activity life
    to listen news on Television, so I only use world wide web for that purpose, and get
    the latest news.

    Comment by Epifania — June 6, 2017 @ 5:46 am

  24. Usually I do not learn post on blogs, however
    I would like to say that this write-up very forced me to take a
    look at and do so! Your writing taste has been surprised me.
    Thanks, quite great post.

    Comment by soup.teatrico.jp — June 7, 2017 @ 2:11 am

  25. Everything composed made a ton of sense. However, consider this,
    what if you added a little information?
    I ain’t suggesting your content isn’t good.,
    but what if you added something that makes people want more?
    I mean Breakup Girl » Today my girlfriend got an abortion is kinda plain. You could
    peek at Yahoo’s home page and watch how they create article titles to grab viewers to open the links.

    You might try adding a video or a pic or two to grab people interested
    about everything’ve written. Just my opinion, it would make your
    website a little livelier.

    Comment by Jasmin — June 8, 2017 @ 10:54 am

  26. What’s up, I desire to subscribe for this blog to obtain most up-to-date updates, therefore
    where can i do it please help out.

    Comment by best security — June 8, 2017 @ 6:22 pm

  27. Wow, marvelous blog layout! How long have you ever been running
    a blog for? you make running a blog look easy. The full glance of your website is wonderful, let alone the content!

    Comment by computer keyboard holder — June 10, 2017 @ 7:17 pm

  28. Hi! I could have sworn I’ve visited your blog before but after
    browsing through a few of the posts I realized it’s new to me.

    Nonetheless, I’m definitely delighted I came across it and I’ll be book-marking it and checking back frequently!

    Comment by Alisia — June 12, 2017 @ 12:21 am

  29. Pretty! This has been an extremely wonderful article.
    Thank you for supplying this information.

    Comment by banks exist — June 12, 2017 @ 10:01 am

  30. You actually make it appear so easy with your presentation but
    I find this matter to be really one thing which I believe I’d never understand.
    It sort of feels too complicated and extremely huge for me.
    I’m having a look forward on your subsequent publish, I’ll attempt
    to get the cling of it!

    Comment by Bertha — June 12, 2017 @ 11:27 pm

  31. This site was… how do I say it? Relevant!! Finally I’ve found something that helped me.
    Thanks a lot!

    Comment by Finley — June 13, 2017 @ 7:46 pm

  32. Way cool! Some very valid points! I appreciate you writing this post and the rest of the website is
    very good.

    Comment by noithathonviet.com — June 14, 2017 @ 8:38 pm

  33. hello there and thank you for your information – I’ve definitely picked up something new from right here.
    I did however expertise some technical issues using this
    site, as I experienced to reload the site a lot of times previous to I could get it to load properly.
    I had been wondering if your web host is OK? Not that I’m complaining, but sluggish loading instances times will sometimes affect your placement in google and can damage your high quality
    score if ads and marketing with Adwords. Well I am adding this RSS to my email and
    can look out for much more of your respective interesting content.
    Make sure you update this again soon.

    Comment by http://simbang.com/?document_srl=2373477 — June 15, 2017 @ 2:57 pm

  34. I loved as much as you’ll receive carried out right here. The sketch is tasteful,
    your authored subject matter stylish. nonetheless, you command get bought an shakiness over that you wish be delivering the following.
    unwell unquestionably come further formerly again since exactly the same nearly very often inside case you shield this hike.

    Comment by miami dui lawyer — June 16, 2017 @ 12:01 pm

  35. I used to be able to find good advice from your blog posts.

    Comment by eyelash extensions — June 17, 2017 @ 4:55 pm

  36. Appreciate the recommendation. Let me try
    it out.

    Comment by ring extensions — June 17, 2017 @ 5:58 pm

  37. I think this is one of the most vital info for me.

    And i’m glad reading your article. But wanna remark on few general things, The
    site style is ideal, the articles is really great :
    D. Good job, cheers

    Comment by car computer exchange — June 18, 2017 @ 8:39 am

  38. Great blog you have here but I was curious if you knew of any message boards
    that cover the same topics talked about here?
    I’d really like to be a part of online community where I can get
    opinions from other experienced people that share the same interest.

    If you have any recommendations, please let me know. Appreciate it!

    Comment by http://wiki.cloudsms.com.ng — June 18, 2017 @ 7:34 pm

  39. Thanks a bunch for sharing this with all folks you really realize what you are speaking about!

    Bookmarked. Please also consult with my web site
    =). We can have a link exchange arrangement among us

    Comment by Mayra — June 22, 2017 @ 1:11 am

  40. What’s Happening i’m new to this, I stumbled upon this I
    have discovered It absolutely useful and it has aided me out
    loads. I’m hoping to contribute & help different customers like its aided
    me. Good job.

    Comment by topics.friendsofsysmith.com — June 22, 2017 @ 10:33 pm

  41. Hello! I could have sworn I’ve been to this site before but after checking through some of the
    post I realized it’s new to me. Anyhow, I’m definitely delighted I
    found it and I’ll be bookmarking and checking back often!

    Comment by maybe money — June 23, 2017 @ 10:16 pm

  42. Hello, the whole thing is going well here and ofcourse every one is sharing facts, that’s truly excellent, keep up writing.

    Comment by computer memory holder — June 24, 2017 @ 8:04 pm

  43. I don’t know if it’s just me or if perhaps everybody else encountering issues with your website.
    It looks like some of the text on your content are running off the
    screen. Can somebody else please provide feedback and let me know if
    this is happening to them as well? This may be a problem with my internet browser because I’ve
    had this happen previously. Many thanks

    Comment by Michele — June 27, 2017 @ 1:09 am

RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URL

Leave a comment

**Mean or otherwise out-of-line comments will be deleted. That’s just how we roll.

[breakupgirl.net]

blog | advice | comics | animation | goodies | to do | archive | about us

Breakup Girl created by Lynn Harris & Chris Kalb
© 2008 Just Friends Productions, Inc.
| privacy policy
Cool Aid!

Important Breakup Girl Maxim:
Breakup Girl Sez

MORE COMICS...

Powered by WordPress