Home
Advice

Comics

Animation

Goodies

Big To Do
MORE...
About Us

Archive
“Saving Love Lives The World Over!” e-mail e-mail to a friend in need

November 22, 2011

Today my girlfriend got an abortion

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 9:22 am

Love and loss on August 31, 1998

Dear Breakup Girl,

Today my girlfriend got an abortion. We had talked about it and both agreed that it was the lesser of two evils, the other being pregnancy. We are both young and I will be going away to college in the fall. I went to the clinic and sat with my g/f in the OR while the procedure was going on. Then on the drive home I began to feel a sense of loss, despair. I thought that I had prepared myself, I was more worried about my g/f’s emotions. But I had forgotten about myself.

I want to be strong but it’s very hard for me especially with the added stress of my leaving and being 2 hours away.

The questions are:

1) How have male partners dealt with abortion in the past?

2) Would I be a bastard to break up with my g/f after she has had time to get over the abortion?

Thank you.

— James


Dear James,

You are clearly struggling hard and doing your best. And your analysis seems accurate: in the process of focusing on your girlfriend, you forgot that the experience would be a traumatic loss for you, too. Just because you decide something is the Right Thing doesn’t mean it’s easy. Listen, kiddo, I’d be worried if you didn’t feel anything.

As for your questions, I can’t tell you exactly how male partners have dealt with abortion in the past. But I can guarantee you that there is no one way. I can see why it’s tough: you want to be there for your girlfriend, and as much as you want to go through this together, you might feel like, “Wow, well, but I can’t burden her with my problems about it.” So the key is to find someone else to talk to about it (which you’ve started to do by writing to me), and/or, at very least, so find some third-party way of sorting out your feelings. Suggestion (1): plug in your zip code here to find phone counseling services in your area. Suggestion (2): check out this book. Much of it focuses on the “before,” and on the woman, but quite a bit — especially the thinking/writing exercises — will apply to you. Maybe share it with your girlfriend. No, on second thought, she should have a separate copy. Your experiences need to be your own at this point.

Which brings me to your second question. I’m clear on the increased, acute sense of responsibility conferred here by the experience of pregnancy and abortion. Would I use the b-word if you’d dropped her off at the clinic and disappeared into thin air? Perhaps. However, while you may be forever bound to her spiritually by this experience, it does not require you to be bound to her forever boyfriendally. If you have reasons OTHER THAN BEING FREAKED OUT BY THE ABORTION for feeling a need to move on (like, say, going to college), then I trust your judgment, and you should, too. See, in general — even under particularly trying circumstances — staying with someone for the sole purpose of not being mean … is mean.

So, James, my answers to questions 1 and 2 are not unrelated. Find a way to focus on, sort out, and label your feelings. Do your best to figure out how you feel about the abortion, how the abortion made you feel about the relationship, and how you would feel about the relationship if the pregnancy had never happened. Trust yourself. And trust me, you are strong. Good luck in college.

Love,
Breakup Girl

1 Comment »

  1. What’s Taking place i am new to this, I stumbled upon this
    I’ve found It positively helpful and it has helped me out loads.

    I am hoping to give a contribution & assist other customers like its aided me.
    Good job.

    Comment by trading penny stocks — September 5, 2017 @ 8:05 pm

  2. Just wish to say your article is as surprising.

    The clarity in your post is just cool and i could assume you are an expert on this subject.
    Well with your permission let me to grab your
    feed to keep updated with forthcoming post. Thanks a
    million and please continue the enjoyable work.

    Comment by real player — September 6, 2017 @ 3:47 am

  3. This excellent website truly has all of the information and facts I wanted about this subject and didn’t know who
    to ask.

    Comment by heckham23.sakura.ne.jp — September 7, 2017 @ 11:52 am

  4. Visit Your URL payday loans online Get More Info More Bonuses

    Comment by Payday Express — October 2, 2017 @ 4:41 pm

  5. quick personal loans for fair credit loans quick quick loans online quick loans sa

    Comment by Payday Loan — October 26, 2017 @ 4:55 pm

  6. Canada Pharmacy Online Review Kamagra Directions Of Use generic viagra Achat De Viagra Levitra In Farmacia Valacyclovir

    Comment by MiguDartoity — October 28, 2017 @ 8:50 pm

  7. I wanted to compose you one very little word to help give thanks the moment again for these unique knowledge you’ve shown here. This is quite particularly generous of people like you to grant extensively all that a number of people would’ve offered for sale as an electronic book to earn some profit for their own end, especially considering that you might well have tried it in case you decided. Those good tips additionally worked as the great way to understand that the rest have similar zeal just as my own to see much more with respect to this matter. I am sure there are several more pleasurable occasions up front for individuals who go through your blog.

    Comment by nfl jerseys — December 2, 2017 @ 6:06 am

  8. payday payday loan online payday loans no credit check payday loans no credit check

    Comment by Payday — December 25, 2017 @ 12:00 am

  9. payday loans online installment loans no credit check payday loan

    Comment by Pay Day Loan — December 27, 2017 @ 9:57 pm

  10. college essay prompts buy college essays college essay https://collegeessays.us.com – custom dissertation writing

    Comment by Write Essay Online — December 28, 2017 @ 1:43 am

  11. payday advance online advance cash payday loan cash advance loan loan cash

    Comment by Best Payday Loan — January 9, 2018 @ 2:43 am

  12. payday loan payday loan payday loans no credit check payday

    Comment by Cash Loan — January 13, 2018 @ 2:14 am

  13. payday payday 10 top loan companies payday

    Comment by Fastest Payday Loan — January 13, 2018 @ 10:00 pm

RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URL

Leave a comment

**Mean or otherwise out-of-line comments will be deleted. That’s just how we roll.

[breakupgirl.net]

blog | advice | comics | animation | goodies | to do | archive | about us

Breakup Girl created by Lynn Harris & Chris Kalb
© 2008 Just Friends Productions, Inc.
| privacy policy
Cool Aid!

Important Breakup Girl Maxim:
Breakup Girl Sez

MORE COMICS...

Powered by WordPress