Home
Advice

Comics

Animation

Goodies

Big To Do
MORE...
About Us

Archive
“Saving Love Lives The World Over!” e-mail e-mail to a friend in need

November 30, 2011

I want him out of my house

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 9:45 am

livingtogetherThe party’s over on September 7, 1998

Dear Breakup Girl,

I’ve been seeing my boyfriend for the last five years, and we’ve lived together for three. Before we moved in together, my mother and other family members kept objecting because “it wasn’t right” to live with someone before you were married. Of course I answered that their morals didn’t apply to me. Now I wish someone had told me the real reason, which is when you want to get out of the situation, you’re a lot more stuck than if you weren’t sharing the same house.

When we started going out, it was a fling — we both agreed that it was just one night, but kept seeing each other anyway and it sort of grew from there into the best relationship I’ve ever had. He’s one of only two guys I’ve really loved (and I’ve sown enough wild oats to know what I’m talking about); we always seemed to have a truly fantastic relationship — I really thought he was The One.

After he graduated from college (I’m a year older) we broke up for awhile while he moved to the west coast, but he came back after a few months because he decided that our relationship was more important than whatever he was going to do out there and that he was probably just going through a commitment freaking-out phase. Silly me, I thought this was OK and let him move into my new house.

But…since he’s been back (nearly a year now) things have been going from bad to worse. Everything he does gets on my nerves — if I buy something nice for myself, he manages to use it up or ruin it. Last week I caught him using my deodorant! I buy him anything he asks for; he’s just one of those “Oh no, I don’t want dessert, I’ll just have A BITE OF YOURS” people. I find myself wanting to strangle him for breathing in an irritating way. When he went camping with another friend for a week, I noticed that I was suffused with continual joy that he wasn’t there. All the things that I used to love about him drive me crazy now. The spark is gone, the party’s over, it’s time to pack it up and go.

Having been hit repeatedly over the head with these observations, I’ve come to the realization that it’s time to enjoy my own desserts. The problem is that we live in the DC area, where it really takes two incomes to survive. I’d be fine on my own (actually, I’d have more money than I do now, because I wouldn’t have his bills), but he works in a bookstore for not much more than minimum wage, and he’s going to technical school to try to start his career. I don’t want to kick him onto the street, but I don’t want him in my house anymore either. I had the easy solution of taking an out of state job for a lot more money where I’d be able to support separate households, but the deal fell through at the last minute and now I’m stuck with just hard choices. He can’t move back with his parents (they live in Texas) because of school. He can’t afford his own place, and he doesn’t know anyone in this area who could be a roommate. I’ve been over all this so many times in my head that I’ve started having recurring dreams where I pay women to have sex with him in the hopes that he’ll leave me for one of them.

Of course, we really haven’t talked about any of this, because it’s hard to start a conversation with “You drive me nuts, how soon can you leave?’ and it’s hard for me to be honest tactfully, especially since whatever love I still feel for him is buried under tons of resenting his existence. Given the situation, I don’t think there is any good way to bring it up.

So what it boils down to is, is there an option I’m overlooking? All I can think of is kick him to the curb completely heartlessly, or just try to spend as much time away from home as I can until next summer, when my lease is up and he’s finished school. (Or possibly pay people to have sex with him until he finds someone else to sponge off of).

–Regretful

P.S. A book that I heartily recommend for any woman considering/going through a breakup is The Improvised Woman : Single Women Reinventing Single Life by Marcelle Clements. It’s a collectionof interviews with and essays about single women — a great resource.


Dear Regretful,

Frankly, the deodorant thing doesn’t freak me out that much — strikes me as just one of those icky/endearing intimacies, like peeing with the door open — but hey, if the best thing about living together is when he goes camping, well, there you go. If you say it’s time, I believe you. I also believe that you truly care about his feelings and his well-being. And yes, this breakup will suck. Show me one that doesn’t and I’ll show you pictures of BG’s permanent new home in Tuscany.

But yes, there is an option you’ve overlooked. Kicking him to the curb … nicely. Explain the deal firmly, respectfully, grownuply. Skip the list of stuff he messed up (and I’d leave out the dreams, too); focus on the lack of spark. It won’t be pretty, but that’s ’cause it’s … a breakup.

See, Regretful, what you’ve given me is a very convincing list of Things that Will Make This Breakup Particularly Crappy. This is NOT the same as Good Reasons Not to Bail. What it really is is Excellent Justifications for Being a Big Martyr/Savior and Avoiding Having to Deal.

Bottom line, it’s most heartless of all to keep this poor guy around when you’re writing letters to Breakup Girl about how you can’t wait to get rid of him. I know that this principle of mine will not help with the practical matter of finding him a pad, but still. People manage. They make do. I don’t know, he can put up a sign in the bookstore that he’s looking for a roommate, or reduced rent in return for odd jobs. What about people from school? He’ll deal.

I know you’ll be fine without him. You know that, too. But the fact that really needs to sublet some space from your ego is this: that he will be fine without you, too.

Love,
Breakup Girl

5 Comments »

  1. Thank you for every other informative blog. The place
    else may I am getting that type of info written in such an ideal manner?

    I’ve a venture that I am just now working on, and I have been on the look out for such information.

    Comment by Lelio Vieira Carneiro — July 18, 2017 @ 5:01 am

  2. This is really interesting, You’re a very skilled blogger.

    I’ve joined your rss feed and look forward to seeking
    more of your excellent post. Also, I’ve shared your site in my social networks!

    Comment by Lelio Vieira Carneiro — July 18, 2017 @ 8:43 am

  3. No matter if some one searches for his required thing, thus he/she desires to be available that in detail,
    so that thing is maintained over here.

    Comment by http://lt.rdxxkj.cn/home.php?mod=space&uid=41661&do=profile&from=space — July 18, 2017 @ 8:27 pm

  4. My spouse and I stumbled over here coming from a different web page and thought I should check things out.
    I like what I see so i am just following you. Look forward to going over your web
    page yet again.

    Comment by http://www.foodspotting.com/ — July 19, 2017 @ 7:59 pm

  5. I really like what you guys are up too. This type of clever work and exposure!
    Keep up the good works guys I’ve included you guys to our blogroll.

    Comment by http://www.vyuzhou.com/home.php?mod=space&uid=44175&do=profile — July 20, 2017 @ 12:28 am

  6. I think the admin of this site is genuinely working hard in favor of his web site, since here every data is quality based data.

    Comment by Leonard — July 20, 2017 @ 2:34 am

  7. Hello There. I found your blog the use of msn. This is an extremely
    neatly written article. I will be sure to bookmark it and come back to read extra
    of your helpful info. Thank you for the post. I’ll certainly comeback.

    Comment by www.quantumclean.com — July 21, 2017 @ 2:34 am

  8. I loved as much as you will receive carried out right here.

    The sketch is attractive, your authored material stylish.
    nonetheless, you command get bought an impatience over that
    you wish be delivering the following. unwell unquestionably come further formerly again as exactly the same nearly a lot often inside case you shield this increase.

    Comment by Kurtis — July 22, 2017 @ 3:15 am

  9. Thank you for sharing your info. I really appreciate your efforts and I am waiting for your
    next post thank you once again.

    Comment by audioboom.com — July 22, 2017 @ 6:21 pm

  10. WOW just what I was looking for. Came here by searching
    for ig

    Comment by Silvia Odete Morani Massad — July 23, 2017 @ 10:39 am

  11. Unquestionably believe that which you stated.
    Your favorite reason appeared to be on the web the easiest thing
    to be aware of. I say to you, I definitely get annoyed while people think about worries that they
    just do not know about. You managed to hit the nail upon the top and also defined out the whole thing without having side-effects ,
    people could take a signal. Will likely be back to get more.
    Thanks

    Comment by Monique — July 24, 2017 @ 10:16 pm

  12. Hi to all, how is everything, I think every one is getting more from this
    web site, and your views are fastidious in favor of new people.

    Comment by Georges Sadala Rihan — July 24, 2017 @ 10:21 pm

  13. Greetings! Very useful advice within this post! It’s the little changes
    that produce the biggest changes. Many thanks for sharing!

    Comment by Noella — July 25, 2017 @ 7:11 am

RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URL

Leave a comment

**Mean or otherwise out-of-line comments will be deleted. That’s just how we roll.

[breakupgirl.net]

blog | advice | comics | animation | goodies | to do | archive | about us

Breakup Girl created by Lynn Harris & Chris Kalb
© 2008 Just Friends Productions, Inc.
| privacy policy
Cool Aid!

Important Breakup Girl Maxim:
Breakup Girl Sez

MORE COMICS...

Powered by WordPress