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December 13, 2011

For love or money

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 10:24 am

Tired of waiting on September 7, 1998

Dear Breakup Girl,

I’ve been in a 2-year relationship with my boyfriend and now we’ve hit that make or break point. He wants to marry me but doesn’t have the financial means yet. We’re both in our mid-20s, make decent money but still have awhile to go before we’re financially secure. He’s planning on going to grad school part time (which would mean 5 years before he would get his degree) but that would take a big chunk out of “wedding savings.” He has also has a lot of financial obligations at home and for his family.

My question is do I wait for him to get his act together or do I move on? I don’t want to be like a Christmas tree that goes bad after the 25th. My parents have been hounding us to at least get engaged but who wants to have a 5-year engagement? I feel like I really do love him (he’s my first “real” b-f) but love won’t pay the bills. I want a comfortable life with my future hubby but if he’s bringing in all this baggage into our life together before we’ve even begun, I don’t really know if I can handle it. I’ve been patient and understanding and I don’t want to lose him but maybe momma’s right and I do have to marry for money rather than love.

Please share your thoughts on this. Thanks!
— (Not a) Material Girl

Dear NMG,

No, you don’t have to marry for money rather than love. Yes, it would be preferable to love and marry someone who’s solvent and responsible (true for men and women). That said, I don’t really get what your damage is about his “baggage.” I don’t see anything in your letter that says that he for sure is lugging around an entire (bargain-basement) set of American Tourister money-issues.

Unless there’s something you’re not telling me. I mean, do you feel like he’s looking for an out? Is the game he talks bigger than his checking account? What exactly do you mean?

Other than that, look, who said you had to have an enormous fairy-tale wedding (okay, besides Our Entire Culture), or that his being in the black is a prerequisite? If you really truly do wanna tie the knot, have a small ceremony now and celebrate your five-year anniversary with the fairy-tale party.

Breakup Girl

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