Dear Breakup Girl,
I am totally confused by my ex-boyfriend. I dated this guy for only a couple months, but fell head over heels for him almost immediately! He and I had everything in common, or so it seemed.
One of the greatest things about him was that every day when he got home from work, the first thing he would do was call me. I could practically set my watch- half an hour after he was scheduled to finish,he’d call me. It didn’t matter if it was 5pm or 11pm (he worked anywhere from 40-80 hours a week between two jobs).
He was also very affectionate, telling me how much he cared about me, etc. The only problem was, he would occasionally say things like “Some day I’ll meet a really great girl and get married.” Now, I’m a college student, and a realist, and I know that guys aren’t looking to marry someone they date at age 20. Even so, it bothered me to here him say that. It made me feel like I was just an amusement before the feature presentation or something.
Well, I went away on vacation for a week, and spoke with him on the phone a couple times while I was gone. The night that I got back we spent the whole evening snuggling and watching South Park episodes. Then, the next day, we went to his cabin and while we were sitting around, he made another one of his “Someday…” comments. I was so frustrated that I said “I don’t even know why I bother with this. I should just go meet someone else.” Well, I immediately regretted it and apologized, but he started in on this whole “As long as we know this relationship isn’t going anywhere, its fine for both of us right?” I said that under normal circumstances it might work out, but I told him that I hated knowing that as soon as he met someone even slightly more interesting than me he’d toss me out like yesterday’s underwear.
To make a long story short (ok, too late, how about shortER), we ended up breaking up, and when he drove me home he said he’d call me tomorrow, and I told him not to call me for a very long time. The next day, I regretted it, and called him back and apologized, at which time he shouted triumphantly into the phone “HA! I knew you still wanted me!” Then we started talking and agreed that the whole argument was a misunderstanding, but he didn’t want to get back together again, just be the same only “informal.”
Since then we had one more huge argument over a rude comment he made to one of my friends (he was joking but she made a huge deal out of it and I got caught in the middle) but made up AGAIN. After that, though, it seems like things aren’t as good as they were before, we hardly talked, if at all, but it seems like he is always WATCHING me. Every time I go to the club where we met, he’s there, and he just STARES at me. Now, normally this wouldn’t bother me, but I still care about him a lot, and it drives me crazy to always see him looking at me, because when I try to go talk to him, he looks at me with this appalled look, like I have bugs crawling out of my mouth or something. I can’t stand these mixed signals! I could be over this guy by now (it’s been almost two months since we broke up) but I can’t get it out of my head that he still cares about me, otherwise why would he always be watching me? When I dance with other guys he glares at me or takes off, yet if I ever try to joke around with him about something he usually gets very uncomfortable and ends the conversation. The last time I saw him, I didn’t notice him standing with some friends as I walked through a club, and he said hi to me while not turning to face me, then hid his head after he said it. I had no idea what that meant, so just said hi, smiled and kept walking.
What do you think? Does this guy still like me? Should I give up? Should I pour my heart out and see what happens?
I don’t know what bothers me more, his “Someday…” refrain, or the fact that you “snuggled” to South Park. Either way, from what you tell me, this guy’s not coming through for you any time soon. He strikes me as, um, really weird and annoying. And how come YOU feel bad about calling him on it? That, actually, bothers me most of all. Next time, watch those bastards kill Kenny alone.
This advice was originally published September 14, 1998.