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February 24, 2012

The LDR blues

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 10:01 am

Second thoughts on September 21, 1998

Dear Breakup Girl,

My boyfriend left for college and I’m a senior in high school….and quite honestly I don’t know what to do. We agreed to stay together because (if I get accepted…and who wouldn’t accept the 4.129 on the ACT student that I am?) chances are I’ll go to the same school as he next year (been interested in it since WAY before we ever met…and he isn’t going there because of me…) and we’ll graduate at the same time (cause I’m taking 4 AP classes and will earn a bunch of college credits from them!) Anyway, problem is, now I’m really lonely and having second thoughts.

I can’t really get out and do that much anyway, I’m spending lots of time studying (because of those four AP classes. And he’s going to school about 12 hours away! So it’s not like I’m going to cheat on him…even though my friends want me to (A**holes.) I really really really love him and swears the same to me. He’s always been good to me, so good to me, he’s so perfect and we think alike and…sigh* But I’m so lonely and unhappy here now. I don’t know if I can live like this for a whole nine months (give or take about two weeks.) It’s just too hard and this IS my senior year. He even told me I could see other people if nothing came of it (does this mean he might do the same? I’m not going to and I really don’t want him to do it. It’s not fair for the other person…leading them on and all, and I don’t think it’s fair for me if he does it either.) (oh yeah, and what if he falls in love with somebody else? What happens to me then?) Truthfully, the only guys I was even slightly interested in ever in the past four years have all either joined the Navy or left for college now. I don’t have that many friends at all…and I just feel like crap. Why’d he have to go to school so far away? I already don’t like this LDR thing, I’ve felt like crying for weeks. Everybody I know says to break up with him–but I’ll even be more alone then. And I need and want his parents help next year when I leave for school (my parents aren’t willing to make that long trip.) He told me not to be sad, so I don’t want to tell him how I feel! But I AM sad, I can’t help it, I don’t know that there is anything else I can ever be! I don’t know if breaking up would help or not, I think not. But I need something! Oh what should I do?

— LDR Gurl


Dear LDRG,

I know the part you wanted me to notice was the stuff about your ACT scores and AP classes and all that, but here’s what really caught my eye: that your parents “aren’t willing to make the long trip” to take you to college. Maybe I’m missing something, but …. HUH?!?! What the dilly? Seems to me that that’s their job. Which (along with your friends’ bad advice) makes me wonder. Is someone, um, nurturing you somewhere, anywhere, Gurlie? Or are you cramming and achieving and performing — admirably, I might add — so that pleeeeeeeease someone will pay attention to and value you? You don’t have to have gotten a 5 on the Advice AP to see how this might fit in with your LDR blues (though to be fair, anyone in your situation would, bottom line, be going through exactly the same sad bad thing). I mean, no wonder you’re nervous; when he’s gone, it’s harder for you to, like, work on anddo and achieve the relationship. Being without him is gonna be a new (and tough ) thing for you, as is trusting your heart along with your brain.

Love,
Breakup Girl

1 Comment »

  1. First, I think you need to know that there is a lot of talk about long-distance relationships not working. In my experience, they never do. Second, that comment he said about telling you that you can see other guys as long as it doesn’t come to anything, that probably means he’s having sex with other girls.

    You’re a smart girl, and young, so you have plenty of options. Also, there’s over 7 billion people in the world, so there are definitely other people who you’re going to feel a connection with.

    If it was me, I’d give him a call and tell him that you’re sorry, the LDR isn’t working out for you, and you think it would be better for both of you to just be friends. Then, do whatever it is you do when you’re getting over someone. I usually work out or focus on work or hobbies for about two weeks. About that time, I start realizing that I’ve gone all morning without thinking of the person. That’s when you know you’re about done with being sad.

    Then, just wait. Be friendly and nice to everyone. You’ll find someone you like; it’s hard not to, eventually.

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