Big To Do
About Us

“Saving Love Lives The World Over!” e-mail e-mail to a friend in need

April 3, 2012

Why can’t I get my stuff back?

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 8:55 am

Growing impatient on October 5, 1998

Dear Breakup Girl,

I dated a guy for six months and he kept telling me that “He thought I was settling” which I know is code for “I want to sleep with other people.” Which was fine with me. So the calls started to dwindle, which I expected, but when it came time to get my personal belongings back he kept stalling. Now he is involved with someone else, and will not return my calls, won’t answer the phone, and won’t even put my stuff in a box and leave it outside for me or mail it. So I have kind of decided to forget about it, but since a couple of the things mean something to me I’m a little pissed at his reluctance.

Why is he basically refusing to give my things back? And when should I go by and bang on his door at 4 AM to get my stuff?? Thanks in advance.

— Fishgirl

Dear Fishgirl,

Are all his boxes and stamps at your house? That could be one thing. Other than that, hmm. Possible motivations for his lack of motivation:

1. He accidentally sold your cardigan at a yard sale and, now that you’re on his trail, is stalling while his aunt knits a facsimile.

2. He is using your belongings as props. Earrings in couch crevasses and peppermint foot lotion on the nightstand visually represent the concept that whomever he’s with is “settling” for someone who’s not planning to settle down quite yet. I’m halfway serious about this one.

3. He just isn’t dealing. You know what, it may not be any more complicated that this. I’m sure your ex is very complex and interesting in other ways, Fishgirl. But this one may not be a conspiracy. People, in general, don’t return calls. People, in general, don’t send their travel buddies copies of the Mazatlan ’98 pictures like they said they would. You know what I mean? He probably just keeps saying to himself, “Oh yeah, I gotta do that.” Just like Breakup Girl has gotta change that spent lightbulb and repot that squished ficus (Hey, Paul?). And/’or, if you want me to get a little psychology on you, well, he probably already thinks he’s a bit on the irresponsible, Bad Person side (witness his line to you about “settling.” A line though it is, it’s telling.), and that heap of his ex’s (your) Q-Tips and Narnia Chronicles — not to mention messages — simply serves as “proof.”

Now, none of this grudging slack-cutting is helping you get your stuff back, is it? If you really want those items, well, I hesitate to tell you to show up unannounced. I guarantee you The New Girlfriend will be there, and she’ll get the idea that he has more of an issue with exes-in-residence than he really does. Not fair to her; unnecessary headaches. So, I don’t know, get him on the phone in person, and ask him nicely once and for all. Tell him you’ll come to him, whatever, whenever. Make it easy for him, I don’t care. If he can’t deal with agreeing to be home, alone, for five minutes, then yeah: the only thing that should be settling is dust. On your stuff. Sorry.

Final note to stuff-leavers: trust me, purge your things immediately after the breakup You’re already in hell — what, one more painful little logistical/symbolic project in breakupia res is gonna make things worse? See, in Fishgirl’s case, the breakup doesn’t seem to have been that big a deal; it’s the reallocation of property that’s making things drag, adding a whole new dimension to the otherwise uncomplicated transaction. Next time: get in, get it, get out. This way, you won’t have to resuffer the blow, reopen the wound, make a date, have a summit. And don’t freak if s/he gives your gifts back, or reclaims his/hers. I’m telling you, it’s all part of the hurting and smarting and purging and healing and cleaning and dealing and protecting and sweeping. Also, the Bettying of potential evidence. Which, if you think about it, is pretty much the same thing.

Breakup Girl

No Comments »

  1. advair online azithromycin more crestor generic

    Comment by ashomm1tr09 — June 21, 2016 @ 7:55 am

  2. tetracycline retail price of viagra valtrex generic

    Comment by ashomltmqym — June 28, 2016 @ 5:04 pm

  3. http://genericforlipitor.date/ – lipitor generics http://viagra-online-canadian-pharmacy.top/ – viagra online canadian pharmacy http://propeciacost.webcam/ – propecia prescription http://generic-singulair.bid/ – generic singulair http://buy-clonidine.kim/ – clonidine

    Comment by ashomni4944 — July 16, 2016 @ 5:09 pm

  4. nexium prednisone cipro for sale methotrexate without a prescription

    Comment by ashomn6dxtw — July 17, 2016 @ 7:38 pm

  5. alli drug clindamycin 1% topical gel diclofenac generic visit website clindamycin

    Comment by ashom53cu3w — July 18, 2016 @ 5:17 am

  6. tricor cytotec online buy citalopram

    Comment by ashomqb0pkc — July 18, 2016 @ 7:29 pm

  7. furosemide clomid where to buy cymbalta prednisolone 5mg tablets

    Comment by ashomsaiix7 — August 2, 2016 @ 6:22 am

  8. cheap amoxil Propranolol

    Comment by ashomql3nwh — September 1, 2016 @ 4:42 am

  9. buy levitra from canada view site viagra soft generic of augmentin

    Comment by ashomrllips — September 1, 2016 @ 9:52 pm

  10. prednisone Buy Azithromycin cost of azithromycin

    Comment by ashomyn84vy — September 3, 2016 @ 9:20 am

  11. generic for nexium atenolol albuterol

    Comment by ashom51d6ix — September 3, 2016 @ 10:05 pm

  12. metformin online check out your url celexa 10mg

    Comment by ashomh96m0p — September 4, 2016 @ 1:48 am

  13. phenergan mastercard

    Comment by ashomv3uxmi — September 13, 2016 @ 9:21 pm

  14. musaswal
    http://paperwriteservice.com – white paper writing services
    paper writing service

    Comment by nandatt — April 21, 2017 @ 9:08 pm

  15. chinese herbal viagra
    http://mrxbuyviagraonline.com – buy viagra online
    can i buy viagra at walgreens
    viagra online

    Comment by RopePerb — April 22, 2017 @ 4:20 pm

  16. musaswal
    http://paperwriteservice.com – college paper service
    paper writing services

    Comment by nandatt — April 22, 2017 @ 4:30 pm

  17. I don’t even know the way I stopped up here, but I thought this submit was great.
    I do not recognise who you’re but definitely you are going to a famous blogger if you aren’t already.

    Comment by Dino — April 22, 2017 @ 8:53 pm

  18. viagra joke pills
    http://wvrxbuyviagraonline.com – viagra online
    100mg viagra price
    buy viagra

    Comment by Vialtets — April 24, 2017 @ 1:19 am

RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URL

Leave a comment

**Mean or otherwise out-of-line comments will be deleted. That’s just how we roll.


blog | advice | comics | animation | goodies | to do | archive | about us

Breakup Girl created by Lynn Harris & Chris Kalb
© 2008 Just Friends Productions, Inc.
| privacy policy
Cool Aid!

Important Breakup Girl Maxim:
Breakup Girl Sez


Powered by WordPress