Big To Do
About Us

“Saving Love Lives The World Over!” e-mail e-mail to a friend in need

May 11, 2012

No day at the beach

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 8:43 am

Blindsided on October 12, 1998

Dear Breakup Girl,

I recently ended a relationship with my girlfriend of four years. Things were always pretty damned good and I was happy with us, and she told me she was always happy with us. I mean I knew this girl inside and out, I always knew what she was thinking. I thought, “Hey cool. She’s the one for me. I found her. I’m a lucky one.” A couple of weeks ago we spent some time apart. She went off to the beach with three of her friends. Before she left we kissed and hugged and told each other how much we loved one another. When she got back, I was oh so excited to see her, but instead I got, “Ummm… we gotta talk.”

Yada yada yada. She broke up with me, and she took it pretty damn well. Didn’t even shed a tear. I was crushed. I vomited for days. Couldn’t eat a thing. Couldn’t sleep. My girl that went down to the beach was a complete 180 from the girl that came back. I still haven’t gotten any closure to the whole thing. Her reasons for the break-up were pretty vague. And this isn’t one of your “let’s separate and in the future who knows.” kind of break-ups. It was a “We will never be together ever again but we can still be good friends” kind of break-up.

I’ve been going through all the stages. The desperate “why oh why” stage. Then the denial stage. Then the anger stage, and so on and so forth. Now I’m just plainly at the “Huh?” stage. I have at least three friends who have had a similar experience and they have friends with the same experiences. To this day they are all still dumbfounded.

My questions are:

1) What is this “phenomonon” where the girl wakes up one day and her mind is completely changed without any warning? You’re a girl. Explain this to me.

2) Just as an aside, FOUR YEARS! I know, I know, “Better four than ten.” But what if I get into another relationship like this and I waste another four-plus years of my life?

— Totally Bewildered

Dear Bewildered.

Ouchouchouchouchouch I am so sorry. Yes, indeedy, you must have felt dumbfounded, blindsided, deafened by her silence.

Now. To take your questions backwards: Yes. Four years is a wicked long time (and your math is correct; ten is even longer). But. Even though they ended painfully, I dare say that you don’t really feel like these years were “wasted.” Especially because, as you describe them, you didn’t spend the last, um, three and a half feeling like you were about to break up. You had four full, non-pre-breakup years. The real waste would be if you now decided to stay single only so as not to let that happen again.

Also. There are many “girl things” in this world: mourning Diana, “Dirty Dancing,” ice hockey. “Waking up and changing her mind,” however, is not one of them. Not only because changing one’s mind suddenly is a gender-neutral phenom, but also because it’s not what happened here. I can practically guarantee you that’s she’s been mulling this one over for a while. Yes, she was happy — mostly. But there was something bothering her, I don’t know what, and evidently she felt that it wasn’t necessary or useful to rock the boat by sharing. Whatever was bugging her was probably more of a one-way “feeling” than a two-way problem, and hence, something — she figured — that she needed to consider on her own, not discuss with you. (I am not endorsing this [lack of] approach; I’m just taking an educated stab.)

Then, I’m thinking– and this is a girl thing — she ran the deal by the beach babe board, and the resolution was “bail.” That’s what happened here, probably, and that’s what happens on “women’s weekends” in general. You hang with your Ya-Yas, they sort out your life. Now don’t you go blaming her galpals for turning her against you or anything. Their job, as good friends, is to listen carefully to what she really wants, and then tell her what she just said. Had they heard it in her voice, they could just as easily have coached her to stay.

I’m also assuming that, being good friends, they did not tape-record their conversations. So — galling as it is — you may get a satisfactory answer to “Huh?” You may need to search out another, less her-dependent source of closure. Like going to the beach with the guys.

Breakup Girl


  1. I’ve been surfing online more than 2 hours today, yet I never
    found any interesting article like yours. It’s pretty worth enough for me.
    In my opinion, if all webmasters and bloggers made good content as you did, the web will be a lot more useful than ever before.

    Comment by www.gouqi.ren — July 15, 2017 @ 11:13 pm

  2. Howdy! Do you use Twitter? I’d like to follow you
    if that would be ok. I’m undoubtedly enjoying your blog and look forward to new updates.

    Comment by Luiz Gastão Bittencourt da Silva — July 16, 2017 @ 12:55 am

  3. Why visitors still use to read news papers when in this technological world everything is existing on web?

    Comment by Luiz Gastao Bittencourt da Silva — July 16, 2017 @ 7:27 pm

  4. Wonderful beat ! I wish to apprentice at the same time
    as you amend your website, how can i subscribe for a blog web site?
    The account aided me a appropriate deal. I were a little bit acquainted
    of this your broadcast offered vivid transparent idea

    Comment by Luiz Gastão Bittencourt da Silva — July 17, 2017 @ 3:52 am

  5. It’s in reality a great and useful piece of information. I’m satisfied that you shared this helpful information with us.
    Please keep us up to date like this. Thanks for

    Comment by dllstore.net — July 18, 2017 @ 1:53 am

  6. Quality articles or reviews is the main to invite the users
    to pay a quick visit the website, that’s what this web page is providing.

    Comment by Luiz Gastao Bittencourt da Silva — July 18, 2017 @ 8:19 pm

  7. Fantastic blog you have here but I was wondering if you knew of any user discussion forums
    that cover the same topics talked about here? I’d
    really love to be a part of group where I can get comments from other knowledgeable individuals that share the same interest.
    If you have any recommendations, please let me know.

    Comment by Verna — July 19, 2017 @ 3:18 am

  8. Do you have a spam issue on this site; I also am a blogger, and I was wanting to
    know your situation; we have developed some nice methods and we are looking to
    exchange strategies with others, be sure to shoot me an email if interested.

    Comment by Lelio Vieira Carneiro Junior — July 19, 2017 @ 9:08 am

  9. Hi there colleagues, how is the whole thing, and what you wish for to say regarding
    this piece of writing, in my view its actually awesome
    in support of me.

    Comment by extensive adventure vacations — July 20, 2017 @ 9:32 pm

  10. Way cool! Some very valid points! I appreciate you writing this
    article and also the rest of the website is also very good.

    Comment by Alannah — July 21, 2017 @ 4:26 am

  11. I do not even know how I ended up here, but I thought this
    post was great. I do not know who you are but definitely you are going to a famous blogger if you aren’t already 😉 Cheers!

    Comment by Russell — July 21, 2017 @ 5:35 pm

  12. Hi, its nice piece of writing regarding media print, we all understand
    media is a impressive source of data.

    Comment by Doug — July 22, 2017 @ 2:21 am

RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URL

Leave a comment

**Mean or otherwise out-of-line comments will be deleted. That’s just how we roll.


blog | advice | comics | animation | goodies | to do | archive | about us

Breakup Girl created by Lynn Harris & Chris Kalb
© 2008 Just Friends Productions, Inc.
| privacy policy
Cool Aid!

Important Breakup Girl Maxim:
Breakup Girl Sez


Powered by WordPress