Deprecated: Assigning the return value of new by reference is deprecated in /home/cdkalb/breakupgirl.net/blog/wp-settings.php on line 512

Deprecated: Assigning the return value of new by reference is deprecated in /home/cdkalb/breakupgirl.net/blog/wp-settings.php on line 527

Deprecated: Assigning the return value of new by reference is deprecated in /home/cdkalb/breakupgirl.net/blog/wp-settings.php on line 534

Deprecated: Assigning the return value of new by reference is deprecated in /home/cdkalb/breakupgirl.net/blog/wp-settings.php on line 570

Strict Standards: Declaration of Walker_Page::start_lvl() should be compatible with Walker::start_lvl(&$output) in /home/cdkalb/breakupgirl.net/blog/wp-includes/classes.php on line 1199

Strict Standards: Declaration of Walker_Page::end_lvl() should be compatible with Walker::end_lvl(&$output) in /home/cdkalb/breakupgirl.net/blog/wp-includes/classes.php on line 1199

Strict Standards: Declaration of Walker_Page::start_el() should be compatible with Walker::start_el(&$output) in /home/cdkalb/breakupgirl.net/blog/wp-includes/classes.php on line 1199

Strict Standards: Declaration of Walker_Page::end_el() should be compatible with Walker::end_el(&$output) in /home/cdkalb/breakupgirl.net/blog/wp-includes/classes.php on line 1199

Strict Standards: Declaration of Walker_PageDropdown::start_el() should be compatible with Walker::start_el(&$output) in /home/cdkalb/breakupgirl.net/blog/wp-includes/classes.php on line 1244

Strict Standards: Declaration of Walker_Category::start_lvl() should be compatible with Walker::start_lvl(&$output) in /home/cdkalb/breakupgirl.net/blog/wp-includes/classes.php on line 1391

Strict Standards: Declaration of Walker_Category::end_lvl() should be compatible with Walker::end_lvl(&$output) in /home/cdkalb/breakupgirl.net/blog/wp-includes/classes.php on line 1391

Strict Standards: Declaration of Walker_Category::start_el() should be compatible with Walker::start_el(&$output) in /home/cdkalb/breakupgirl.net/blog/wp-includes/classes.php on line 1391

Strict Standards: Declaration of Walker_Category::end_el() should be compatible with Walker::end_el(&$output) in /home/cdkalb/breakupgirl.net/blog/wp-includes/classes.php on line 1391

Strict Standards: Declaration of Walker_CategoryDropdown::start_el() should be compatible with Walker::start_el(&$output) in /home/cdkalb/breakupgirl.net/blog/wp-includes/classes.php on line 1442

Strict Standards: Redefining already defined constructor for class wpdb in /home/cdkalb/breakupgirl.net/blog/wp-includes/wp-db.php on line 306

Deprecated: Assigning the return value of new by reference is deprecated in /home/cdkalb/breakupgirl.net/blog/wp-includes/cache.php on line 103

Strict Standards: Redefining already defined constructor for class WP_Object_Cache in /home/cdkalb/breakupgirl.net/blog/wp-includes/cache.php on line 431

Deprecated: Assigning the return value of new by reference is deprecated in /home/cdkalb/breakupgirl.net/blog/wp-includes/query.php on line 61

Deprecated: Assigning the return value of new by reference is deprecated in /home/cdkalb/breakupgirl.net/blog/wp-includes/theme.php on line 1109

Strict Standards: Declaration of Walker_Comment::start_lvl() should be compatible with Walker::start_lvl(&$output) in /home/cdkalb/breakupgirl.net/blog/wp-includes/comment-template.php on line 1266

Strict Standards: Declaration of Walker_Comment::end_lvl() should be compatible with Walker::end_lvl(&$output) in /home/cdkalb/breakupgirl.net/blog/wp-includes/comment-template.php on line 1266

Strict Standards: Declaration of Walker_Comment::start_el() should be compatible with Walker::start_el(&$output) in /home/cdkalb/breakupgirl.net/blog/wp-includes/comment-template.php on line 1266

Strict Standards: Declaration of Walker_Comment::end_el() should be compatible with Walker::end_el(&$output) in /home/cdkalb/breakupgirl.net/blog/wp-includes/comment-template.php on line 1266

Strict Standards: Redefining already defined constructor for class WP_Dependencies in /home/cdkalb/breakupgirl.net/blog/wp-includes/class.wp-dependencies.php on line 31

Strict Standards: Redefining already defined constructor for class WP_Http in /home/cdkalb/breakupgirl.net/blog/wp-includes/http.php on line 61

Strict Standards: Non-static method gdsrFrontHelp::detect_bot() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /home/cdkalb/breakupgirl.net/blog/wp-content/plugins/gd-star-rating/code/class.php on line 1295

Strict Standards: Non-static method gdsrFrontHelp::detect_ban() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /home/cdkalb/breakupgirl.net/blog/wp-content/plugins/gd-star-rating/code/class.php on line 1296

Strict Standards: Non-static method gdsrBlgDB::check_ip_single() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /home/cdkalb/breakupgirl.net/blog/wp-content/plugins/gd-star-rating/code/blg/helpers.php on line 90

Strict Standards: Non-static method gdsrBlgDB::check_ip_range() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /home/cdkalb/breakupgirl.net/blog/wp-content/plugins/gd-star-rating/code/blg/helpers.php on line 92

Strict Standards: Non-static method gdsrBlgDB::check_ip_mask() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /home/cdkalb/breakupgirl.net/blog/wp-content/plugins/gd-star-rating/code/blg/helpers.php on line 94

Strict Standards: Non-static method gdFunctionsGDSR::prefill_zeros() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /home/cdkalb/breakupgirl.net/blog/wp-content/plugins/gd-star-rating/code/class.php on line 1709

Strict Standards: Non-static method gdFunctionsGDSR::prefill_zeros() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /home/cdkalb/breakupgirl.net/blog/wp-content/plugins/gd-star-rating/code/class.php on line 1710

Strict Standards: Non-static method gdFunctionsGDSR::prefill_zeros() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /home/cdkalb/breakupgirl.net/blog/wp-content/plugins/gd-star-rating/code/class.php on line 1711

Strict Standards: Non-static method gdFunctionsGDSR::prefill_zeros() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /home/cdkalb/breakupgirl.net/blog/wp-content/plugins/gd-star-rating/code/class.php on line 1712

Strict Standards: Non-static method gdFunctionsGDSR::prefill_zeros() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /home/cdkalb/breakupgirl.net/blog/wp-content/plugins/gd-star-rating/code/class.php on line 1713

Strict Standards: Non-static method gdFunctionsGDSR::prefill_zeros() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /home/cdkalb/breakupgirl.net/blog/wp-content/plugins/gd-star-rating/code/class.php on line 1714
Breakup Girl » I’m haunting my ex!
Strict Standards: Non-static method gdsrFrontHelp::ie_opacity_fix() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /home/cdkalb/breakupgirl.net/blog/wp-content/plugins/gd-star-rating/code/class.php on line 1415
Home
Advice

Comics

Animation

Goodies

Big To Do
MORE...
About Us

Archive
“Saving Love Lives The World Over!” e-mail e-mail to a friend in need

July 13, 2012

I’m haunting my ex!

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 7:54 am

Strict Standards: Non-static method gdFunctionsGDSR::get_caller_backtrace() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /home/cdkalb/breakupgirl.net/blog/wp-content/plugins/gd-star-rating/code/class.php on line 1826

Strict Standards: Non-static method gdsrBlgDB::add_new_view() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /home/cdkalb/breakupgirl.net/blog/wp-content/plugins/gd-star-rating/code/class.php on line 1837

Strict Standards: Non-static method GDSRDatabase::get_post_data() should not be called statically in /home/cdkalb/breakupgirl.net/blog/wp-content/plugins/gd-star-rating/code/cache.php on line 107

It Came From The PastBeyond “staying friends” on October 28, 1998...

Dear Breakup Girl,

I am doing okay except that my friend has a problem. I have a friend who has been having trouble with his girlfriend. She is five years younger than he, and just moved to school about three weeks ago. Oh, did I forget to mention that he is my ex? Yes, we are doing the “friends” thing, and so far, after failing a few times at it, it is finally working out.

You see, part of his problems with her center around me; she does not like the fact that he hangs out with me, calls me, and even (by some sort of a fluke, out of our control) stayed in my room at school last weekend (he slept on the floor on an inflatible mattress — very innocent. He would never cheat on her, and I would not allow him to with me.). When we get together we spend a good chunk of our time discussing her and his problems with their situation.

We have a very honest relationship, and always have, and I have told him many times that I think this girl is dragging him down. I only hear the negative things about her, and I, quite frankly, did not treat him poorly while we were dating and haven’t since we have become friends. We are best friends, and I don’t think she realizes how important we are to each other. He doesn’t place limits on whom she can hang with at school, and he doesn’t think it is fair for her to do that to him.

This is where you come in, BG. It’s very hard for me, as his ex-girlfriend, to continually tell him that I don’t like what his girlfriend is doing to him (major guilt trips), but I don’t like to see him like this. In fact, he called me just 20 minutes ago sobbing because he was so frustrated with her and this situation. I have to be careful because what I may say to him may come across as the “jealous ex” but believe me — we are much better off as friends. There was a reason why we broke up, and it would be really, super bad if we got back together again (not to mention the fact that my entire family would kill me).

Please help me help my friend. I don’t want to see this relationship between my friend and his girlfriend end, but I personally think he would make a better bachelor than a boyfriend right now. Thank you, Breakup Girl! Any advice would help me greatly!

– Jessica


Dear Jessica,

Au contraire: she realizes exactly how important you are to each other. No, she is not entitled to enforce limits on his choice of air mattress, but yes, she is entitled not to like it. It’s Article something-or-other in the Current Girl/Boyfriend’s Bill of Rights. Basic retro-jealousy in these situations is totally normal (as in “How dare you date her/him when you didn’t know I existed?” Or, more reasonably, “How tough an act am I following here? And how’m I doing so far?”). Even if (a) the present relationship is healthy, and (b) the exes involved currently loathe each other (see “Petty,” below). So imagine how you’d feel if you were having a rocky go of it with your [older] boyfriend, and the person who talks [hotels] him through it is his girlfriend, I mean ” best friend” — ? Now does she seem a little less whacked?

Now, I completely believe that your letter and your intentions are sincere. But there’s also sort of a fudge ripple of “I know better than anyone what’s best for him” going on here. And heck, perhaps you do. But the effect is that you sort of wind up pulling rank. And the effect on them is that the couple winds up haggling over the triangle — that is, the symptom — rather than whatever’s creating problems just between the two of them. Don’t get me wrong: your involvement is completely legal, on paper. But it’s just … weird. And it’s not actually making a difference, is it? Au contraire. So I think that your job, as a friend, is to give Mattress Man once more, for the record, your opinion about bachelor vs. boyfriend, her “dragging him down,” etc, etc. And then drop it. AND rule the topic off-limits between you two. If he doesn’t have other friends he can go to about this, well, that’s a problem too. AND if you two don’t have anything left to talk about, well, that’s also something to look at. Could be that you are / were, in some sense, running on fondess fumes. So if you are committed to staying friends, that’s delightful. Find new activities and sources of interaction (not sleepovers). I personally think you would make a better buddy than a therapist right now.

Love,
Breakup Girl


Strict Standards: Non-static method GDSRDBCache::get_comments() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /home/cdkalb/breakupgirl.net/blog/wp-content/plugins/gd-star-rating/code/class.php on line 1962

1 Comment »

  1. Jessica said:
    “part of his problems with her center around me;”
    -AND-
    “I have told him many times that I think this girl is dragging him down.”

    Dammit. Now I can’t stop laughing.

    Comment by Karl R — July 13, 2012 @ 2:21 pm

RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URL

Leave a comment

**Mean or otherwise out-of-line comments will be deleted. That’s just how we roll.


Strict Standards: Redefining already defined constructor for class sk2_plugin in /home/cdkalb/breakupgirl.net/blog/wp-content/plugins/SK2/sk2_plugin_class.php on line 45

Strict Standards: Declaration of sk2_captcha_plugin::output_plugin_UI() should be compatible with sk2_plugin::output_plugin_UI($output_dls = true) in /home/cdkalb/breakupgirl.net/blog/wp-content/plugins/SK2/sk2_plugins/sk2_captcha_plugin.php on line 70

Strict Standards: Declaration of sk2_pjw_simpledigest::output_plugin_UI() should be compatible with sk2_plugin::output_plugin_UI($output_dls = true) in /home/cdkalb/breakupgirl.net/blog/wp-content/plugins/SK2/sk2_plugins/sk2_pjw_daily_digest_plugin.php on line 277

Strict Standards: Declaration of sk2_rbl_plugin::treat_this() should be compatible with sk2_plugin::treat_this(&$cmt_object) in /home/cdkalb/breakupgirl.net/blog/wp-content/plugins/SK2/sk2_plugins/sk2_rbl_plugin.php on line 342

Strict Standards: Declaration of sk2_referrer_check_plugin::output_plugin_UI() should be compatible with sk2_plugin::output_plugin_UI($output_dls = true) in /home/cdkalb/breakupgirl.net/blog/wp-content/plugins/SK2/sk2_plugins/sk2_referrer_check_plugin.php on line 78
[breakupgirl.net]

blog | advice | comics | animation | goodies | to do | archive | about us

Breakup Girl created by Lynn Harris & Chris Kalb
© 2008 Just Friends Productions, Inc.
| privacy policy
Cool Aid!

Important Breakup Girl Maxim:
Breakup Girl Sez

MORE COMICS...

Powered by WordPress