Big To Do
About Us

“Saving Love Lives The World Over!” e-mail e-mail to a friend in need

August 10, 2012

Scone Boy Rides Again

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 8:21 am

A Bonus Predicament from November 2, 1998

Dear Breakup Girl,

Thank you so much for answering my letter last week. Actually, when you wrote the “Friends to Lovers” column the week after I sent it, I sort of figured that it applied to me, so that you’d already responded, and I realized I should consider taking the advice in that column. There hasn’t been any closure to the story yet, but I just wanted to answer the very insightful points you brought up:

>1. “We ended up pretty much revealing our feelings
> for each other.” Pretty much? Was this revelation,
> on her part, a sober, solid, lucid statement of
> fact/lust? Or, perhaps, did you make the first
> confession, and then go on to inflate her
> Chianti-enhanced, engagement-jittery being-nice
> rejoinder

What I meant is, we kissed that night. Trust me, I always recheck audio tracks — as you noticed, I read texts very closely (I used to think this tendency was beneficial), and it was definitely her who made the first confession. I was more surprised than anybody that the subject ever came up. (OK, perhaps there was a small Chianti element, but I know I was completely avoiding the topic, for fear of jeopardizing our friendship.)

> The voice of caution, however, would like to note
> that BG does not hear from you anywhere near the
> level of love-or-die urgency she did from G. It’s not
> even at the level of publish or perish.

No, it’s love or die all right. It is also certainly at the level of publish or perish, as in *if she’s not there I don’t know if I’ll be able to survive school anymore.* I was just trying to tone down the emotion so that I could right a reasonably clear and concise message. You should have seen me dejected and pouting for about two months after she left for the summer. (My friends all thought I was like that character in Swingers, except I never broke out of it.) The Guy at the End of the Bar is right about this one. But I haven’t had a chance recently to take anyone’s advice. Here’s a brief update, showing that things are, if anything, even more unclear now than when I wrote you (at least to me):

The other weekend was gorgeous, and I called her to see if she wanted to do something. Unfortunately, her fiance was in town (big faux pas on my part). Somehow, we ended up going out for the afternoon; he didn’t come along. It was very hard to understand how this happened (and I wasn’t about to ask). A few days later, she called me and we talked and tentatively set something up for this weekend — assuming I got out from under all the work I had — but she stood me up, meaning she never called to follow up. (She wasn’t there when I finally gave up and tried to call her.) I still don’t know what happened. (And I was rather upset.) She’s never stood me up before, so I’m a little scared that for some reason our friendship is Over and I’m the last to find out, but the more rational part of me says that that would be an over-hasty conclusion, and that it’s really just another set of very confusing signals I’m getting.

Update within an update: I called her last night, she seemed happy to hear from me, and she said that this past weekend a relative of her fiance had been in town, which seems to be why Saturday didn’t work out. That and the fact that she was sending out job applications, which was a discomforting reminder that this is, ultimately, a transient lifestyle.

So, I’m still confused about all this, but I have gotten some good pointers on what to do about it. Thanks for your help, and I hope to let you know how it turns out.

Also, I’ve declared a unilateral moratorium on baked goods.

— (Former) Scone Boy

Dear FSB,

Okay, I’m glad to hear that you’ve stepped away fom the pastry flour, but I’m not glad to hear that you sidestepped your true angst in the interest of being “clear and concise.” breakupgirl.net is where you DON’T have to rein it in, you guys. If Duderino had consciously/disingenuously toned it down, I’d never have gotten his number. See, I rarely need to read between y’all’s lines. And I don’t really like to take that liberty. I generally trust that you will say what you need to say and tell me what I need to know. I try to follow this brilliant adage from Suzette Hayden Elgin, Ph.D., “If your partner says ‘The toaster talked to me,’ the correct response is, ‘What did it say?'” So you guys: don’t dis-serve yourselves. Tell me the whole big messy confessional; doesn’t have to be long, just has to be true. That way I’ll give you whole advice. Okay?

So. While Breakup Girl’s reading may not have been close enough, some of yours is indeed too close. At this point you are driving yourself nuts analyzing the phone silence and vocal tones of someone who — yes, kissed you — but who is also: engaged. Yes, she may be confused, and yes, she may very well have feelings for you. AND, if there’s any time those pesky non-monogamous feelings are going to grope their way to the top, it’s when she’s fixing to walk her way down that way-monogamous aisle. If you are not willing to make your plea on bended knee, Guy at the End of the Bar style, you have got to back off. DO IT FOR YOU. And if that is as hard as I imagine it will be, it’s officially okay to whip up some gingerbread, or at least some toaster pop-tarts. FOR YOU.

Breakup Girl

No Comments »

  1. Pretty section of content. I just stumbled upon your web site and
    in accession capital to assert that I acquire actually enjoyed account your blog posts.
    Any way I will be subscribing to your augment and even I achievement you access consistently fast.

    Comment by cwl520.com — May 25, 2017 @ 7:22 am

  2. What’s up Dear, are you really visiting this website regularly, if so after that you will absolutely take pleasant

    Comment by http://www.traveltyme.net.r15.millsys.org/UserProfile/tabid/61/userId/637199/Default.aspx — May 25, 2017 @ 8:06 am

  3. Howdy I am so happy I found your web site, I really found you by mistake, while I was searching on Digg for
    something else, Anyways I am here now and would just like to
    say thanks for a fantastic post and a all round enjoyable blog (I also love the theme/design),
    I don’t have time to go through it all at the minute but I have
    saved it and also included your RSS feeds, so when I have time I will be back to read a lot more, Please do keep up the fantastic work.

    Comment by justcookingshow.com — May 25, 2017 @ 10:55 am

  4. Great web site you have here.. It’s hard to find quality writing like yours nowadays.

    I honestly appreciate individuals like you! Take care!!

    Comment by Etta — May 26, 2017 @ 4:54 am

  5. Hello to all, how is the whole thing, I think every one is getting more from this web page, and your views are
    pleasant designed for new viewers.

    Comment by cheapest broadband deals uk — May 26, 2017 @ 12:05 pm

  6. Its like you read my mind! You appear to know
    a lot about this, like you wrote the book in it or something.
    I think that you can do with some pics to drive the message home a bit, but other than that,
    this is fantastic blog. A great read. I’ll definitely be back.

    Comment by Darcy — May 26, 2017 @ 9:50 pm

  7. Thank you a lot for sharing this with all people you really recognize what you are speaking approximately!
    Bookmarked. Please additionally talk over with my site =).
    We may have a link exchange agreement among us

    Comment by huiy.cn.com — May 27, 2017 @ 12:54 am

  8. Wow! This blog looks just like my old one! It’s on a entirely
    different subject but it has pretty much the same page layout and design. Outstanding choice of colors!

    Comment by car computer chip — May 27, 2017 @ 8:25 pm

  9. wh0cd687403 buy propecia

    Comment by Michaelclome — May 28, 2017 @ 2:41 am

  10. It’s fantastic that you are getting ideas from this post as well as from our dialogue made at this time.

    Comment by africa vacation — May 28, 2017 @ 3:04 am

  11. Heya this is somewhat of off topic but I was wanting to know if blogs
    use WYSIWYG editors or if you have to manually code with
    HTML. I’m starting a blog soon but have no coding experience so I
    wanted to get advice from someone with experience. Any help would be greatly appreciated!

    Comment by hire greenford company — May 28, 2017 @ 3:55 am

  12. Sweet blog! I found it while browsing on Yahoo News.
    Do you have any suggestions on how to get listed in Yahoo News?

    I’ve been trying for a while but I never seem to get there!
    Many thanks

    Comment by online stock brokers — May 28, 2017 @ 6:36 pm

  13. It’s perfect time to make some plans for the future and it is time to be happy.
    I have read this post and if I could I wish to suggest you few interesting things
    or advice. Maybe you could write next articles referring
    to this article. I want to read more things about it!

    Comment by glam seamless review — May 29, 2017 @ 4:50 am

  14. Hi! I’m at work surfing around your blog from my new apple
    iphone! Just wanted to say I love reading through your blog and look forward to all your posts!
    Keep up the fantastic work!

    Comment by travel medical insurance — June 1, 2017 @ 1:50 am

  15. I absolutely love your site.. Pleasant colors & theme.
    Did you make this web site yourself? Please reply back as I’m hoping to
    create my very own website and would love to know where you
    got this from or what the theme is named. Many thanks!

    Comment by global resorts — June 1, 2017 @ 11:23 pm

  16. It is perfect time to make some plans for the future and it is time to be happy.
    I’ve read this post and if I could I desire to suggest you few interesting things or advice.
    Maybe you can write next articles referring to this article.
    I want to read more things about it!

    Comment by www.china-sem.com.cn — June 2, 2017 @ 11:33 pm

  17. Hi my friend! I want to say that this article is amazing, nice written and include approximately
    all important infos. I’d like to peer extra posts
    like this .

    Comment by www.classifiedadhub.com — June 9, 2017 @ 3:41 pm

  18. When someone writes an article he/she retains the image of
    a user in his/her brain that how a user can know it. Thus that’s why this
    piece of writing is outstdanding. Thanks!

    Comment by electronic markets — June 10, 2017 @ 12:13 pm

  19. wh0cd692510 full report

    Comment by AaronZem — June 13, 2017 @ 11:30 pm

  20. Its like you learn my mind! You seem to understand
    a lot about this, like you wrote the e book in it or
    something. I feel that you can do with some p.c. to drive the message home a bit, however instead of
    that, this is fantastic blog. A fantastic read. I’ll definitely be back.

    Comment by raquel welch wigs — June 16, 2017 @ 2:06 am

  21. Wow, this article is nice, my younger sister is analyzing such things, thus I am going to let know her.

    Comment by lawyer ratings — June 17, 2017 @ 3:07 am

  22. It’s difficult to find educated people on this topic,
    but you seem like you know what you’re talking about!

    Comment by http://www.automaintenancetips.com/autoanswer/index.php?qa=67654&qa_1=advantages-and-diet-resources-of-omega-3 — June 17, 2017 @ 8:54 pm

  23. My spouse and I absolutely love your blog and find most of your post’s to be exactly I’m looking for.
    Does one offer guest writers to write content available for you?
    I wouldn’t mind producing a post or elaborating on a few of the subjects you write with regards to here.

    Again, awesome site!

    Comment by firenzedigital.com — June 18, 2017 @ 2:30 am

  24. I’m not that much of a internet reader to be honest but your sites
    really nice, keep it up! I’ll go ahead and bookmark your site to come back later
    on. Cheers

    Comment by car computer exchange — June 20, 2017 @ 11:47 pm

  25. I don’t even know how I ended up here, but I thought this
    post was great. I don’t know who you are but definitely you are going to
    a famous blogger if you are not already
    😉 Cheers!

    Comment by car computer exchange — June 21, 2017 @ 7:06 pm

  26. Thanks for the good writeup. It actually was a leisure account it.
    Look complex to far added agreeable from you! By
    the way, how can we communicate?

    Comment by Gus — June 22, 2017 @ 8:04 pm

  27. Greetings! This is my first visit to your blog! We are a group of volunteers and starting a new initiative
    in a community in the same niche. Your blog provided us useful information to
    work on. You have done a wonderful job!

    Comment by Wesley — June 23, 2017 @ 12:16 am

  28. Hi to all, the contents present at this website are really amazing for people knowledge, well, keep up the nice work fellows.

    Comment by http://www.vector-marketing.com/ — June 23, 2017 @ 2:24 am

  29. Just desire to say your article is as astounding.
    The clearness to your put up is just spectacular and that i can assume
    you’re knowledgeable on this subject. Well together with your
    permission let me to snatch your feed to stay up to
    date with impending post. Thanks a million and please continue the gratifying work.

    Comment by www.qhnbld.com — June 24, 2017 @ 12:32 am

RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URL

Leave a comment

**Mean or otherwise out-of-line comments will be deleted. That’s just how we roll.


blog | advice | comics | animation | goodies | to do | archive | about us

Breakup Girl created by Lynn Harris & Chris Kalb
© 2008 Just Friends Productions, Inc.
| privacy policy
Cool Aid!

Important Breakup Girl Maxim:
Breakup Girl Sez


Powered by WordPress