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October 25, 2012

True Confessions: I showed her respect … She showed me the door!

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 10:00 am

truecircleDear Breakup Girl,

I was told again today, in as blunt a manner as possible, that “no way will a relationship work between us.” According to her though, I should not change. All those times I made breakfast in bed for her, brought her flowers just because, opened the car door for her (which she totally loves), and respecting her wishes about not sleeping together before she was ready. All those things shouldn’t change. The reason being that the next woman would love to be treated that way. Am I missing something here? I did all those things, but I still get “no way will a relationship work between us.”

I know that I’ll have to get over it and move on. But my dilemma is this: If I do all those wonderful things, then why doesn’t it work? I’d like to think that it’s not me, but this isn’t the first time this has happened. I’m one of those so-called “nice guys” who never can seem to catch a break. I try to do the right things, but again I get “no way will a relationship work between us.” I’m just about ready to give up. I’m sure you hear it all the time, about how women like nice guys, really they do…. Well, I’ve never seen those women. And I’m starting to doubt their existence. I’ve also tried being a friend.. I just would like your thoughts on all of this.

— Alex
Dear Alex,

Ouch! Sorry.

You and all those things you do are, I’m sure, genuinely nice. But it’s wrong to base a relationship entirely on doing the right things. See, Alex, it sounds to me like you’re Doing Boyfriend on people. Muffins, flowers, courtesies — lovely. But when you brought her her breakfast, did you ask her what she dreamed about? Was it the prefab “Flowers for My Sweetheart” bouquet, or a fistful of sweet pea blossoms that reminded you of her laugh? When you close the car door, can you hear her voice through the glass? Your flourishes are important, Alex, but as demonstrations of a two-way bond; as the bond itself, scrambled eggs and baby’s breath will not hold. Do you see what I mean? So don’t stop with the gestures; just rejigger their job description for the next object of your affection. Pay attention to the man behind the curtain. Next time, offer her: yourself.

Breakup Girl

This advice was originally published November 16, 1998.


  1. Great series of posts babe. Sounds like the festival, organisers, helper, writers, and country were all stars. Next you're in Croatia, I'll be there with you.

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  2. I want to know how Obama feels about Jerusalem and Israel's wall. CNN won't answer me, and I can't wait 'til he comes to PA. to ask in person.Why not plant people in his audience to ask this? It's a simple question. After all, he is Arabic, and I can't believe that after such a short time after 9/11 we might have an Arabic President of the USA! How will he side with the Palestinians and the Israelis? Will he turn against American Jews? Will he help Hamas take over our govt. decisions?

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  3. I suppose he would get a Roman historian to write the Testimonium Flavianus. But he wouldn't need to exist if a Roman historian wrote it. Of greater interest to me, is the horrible garbled mess that follows. This must be more significant. Something about four 'Jews' who couldn't go to Jerusalem because they had broken the law, and taught people to believe in the 'wisdom' of 'the laws of Moses'. And a woman from the Roman elite who adopted this new form of belief. And why did Tiberias get involved?

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  4. Ppl like you get all the brains. I just get to say thanks for he answer.

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  5. Il aime MF en secret … Genre, je me réveil, j’écoute OMN de MF, dans la voiture : OMN de MF, pendant l’émission : OMN De MF et dans les embouteillages : OMN de MF, dans le Bain : OMN de MF … Il a une tête de vendu, mais il aime MF … LOL  LuFFy

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  7. – Real, fun & beautiful! Sloan is a gorgeous little sweetie and Luke has such a personality – I can see it from these photos! LOVE the one with Beau!!!

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  8. One of my favorite characters is Moshe Oofnik. Iremember when by sons were toddlers I would put in the VCR the Rehov Soomsoom videos so they woudl learn about their Jewish heritage and Israel. Such a society that Israel needs to teach its children to prepare for war. Meanwhile the spoiled brats of the US Jewish community whine because they can't take that two-week vacation to the Vineyard this year due to economic issues. Some people really make you sick don't' they?

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