Home
Advice

Comics

Animation

Goodies

Big To Do
MORE...
About Us

Archive
“Saving Love Lives The World Over!” e-mail e-mail to a friend in need

October 29, 2012

True Confessions: I haven’t had a date since I was seventeen!

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 10:21 am

truecircleDear Breakup Girl,

This is kind of a biggie. I’m 23 years old. I still live at home with my ‘rents for financial reasons while I’m in graduate school, completing a degree in elementary education.

To get down to it, I haven’t had a date since I was 17. It’s not for want of trying. The times when I thought there was some mutual attraction, I would ask to see the person more socially, not necessarily on a date, but out. The few times that anyone has said yes over the past 6 years, it’s always turned out they were just being friendly, but were already involved with someone else. Plus, I suppose I’m not that good at reading “signals.” That takes experience, something I am greatly lacking.

Most of my friends are women, but I’ve never been able to move a friendship to a romance, nor have I really tried. I would consider it almost a betrayal of that friendship. I’m not into the bar scene, or clubs (I can’t dance). I’m not into religion, so meeting someone at church is out. I’ve tried personals, both online and off, with 0 success. For all that my best friends are women, none of them has ever set me up with someone.

Now it seems that all my friends are engaged, or involved in serious relationships (and as a consequence have little if any time to spend with me). My little sister, and my best friend’s little sister (same age, 3 years younger) are engaged. And every attractive, intelligent woman I meet seems to be married/engaged/or otherwise seriously involved. (I’m only meeting people at school and work. I hate going out by myself, and never meet anyone when I do.)

I so long for the approval, attention, and affection of another, that this desire is affecting my school work. And it has negatively affected my social life. People either think I’m really weird, or that I’m gay simply because they’ve never seen me with a woman.

I would really like to find someone to have a relationship with, but don’t have a clue as how to meet someone. Much less develop and grow the relationship. I could give my heart away in less than a breath — all it would take is someone showing a genuine interest in me. Do you have any suggestions?

— Mark

Dear Mark,

Yes.

1. Is there any any any way you could move out? There’s nothing inherently lame about living with your parents, especially when it’s part of a deliberate financial plan. But how about student housing, an apartment share? I just think that still sleeping in your Underdog sheets could be contributing to your sense of being left behind.

2. Rethink your stance on friendship-to-romance. This move is a risk, but not necessarily a betrayal. You don’t sound like the kind of guy who’d be like, “Your friendship is worth a lot to me — but getting laid is worth even more!” You do sound like the kind of guy for whom friendship would a comfortable place to start.

3. If you want to be set up, ask. Maybe your friends think you’ll feel patronized if they make the offer.

4. Don’t give up on the internet personals. These are really not loser.com. This approach circumvents lots of your concerns. At first, all you have to read is e-mail, not “signals” (which, by the way, no one is good at. It’s less about “experience” than it is about bravado.). You don’t have to go out alone; you can go online alone. No praying, no dancing. No (well, less) guesswork about why you’re there, about who’s already involved. Try it again.

5. Caution: I hope, even after all this time/pining, that it would take more than someone showing an interest in you to take your breath away. Or, at least, that after your breath were taken away by a glance, a touch, a call, that you’d also hold out — with the same person — to make sure that the affection really does go both ways (and to your brain, not just to your lungs).

You’ve been in a big long rut, kiddo, and I understand why you’re losing patience and hope. And it’s okay to be hapless frustrated I-don’t-know-what-I’m-doing guy … in a letter to BG. But just as you wouldn’t bring that guy into your classroom, don’t bring him along on a date. Be brave.

Love,
Breakup Girl

This advice was originally published November 16, 1998.

1 Comment »

  1. Having read this I believed it was very informative. I appreciate you finding the time and energy to put this informative
    article together. I once again find myself spending way too much time
    both reading and leaving comments. But so what, it was
    still worth it!

    Comment by http://www.klepp.kna.no/ — June 12, 2017 @ 8:27 pm

  2. You really make it seem so easy with your presentation but I find this matter to be actually something that I think I would never
    understand. It seems too complex and extremely broad for me.

    I am looking forward for your next post, I will try to get
    the hang of it!

    Comment by storagesolutions-selfstorage.ca — June 12, 2017 @ 8:48 pm

  3. Valuable information. Fortunate me I found your web site by accident, and I’m shocked
    why this coincidence didn’t happened in advance! I bookmarked it.

    Comment by resorts network compensation — June 12, 2017 @ 8:52 pm

  4. Hi! Someone in my Myspace group shared this website with us so I came to give
    it a look. I’m definitely loving the information. I’m bookmarking and will be tweeting
    this to my followers! Excellent blog and fantastic style and design.

    Comment by http://www.tutorsworld.org — June 13, 2017 @ 10:51 pm

  5. Hi to all, the contents existing at this web site are genuinely remarkable for people knowledge, well, keep up the
    good work fellows.

    Comment by bernhardtpkr.com — June 14, 2017 @ 1:46 am

  6. Hi there friends, its impressive piece of writing about teachingand fully defined,
    keep it up all the time.

    Comment by car computer exchange — June 14, 2017 @ 6:54 pm

  7. Howdy just wanted to say hi. The words in your article seem to be running off the screen in Safari. I’m not sure if this is a format issue or something to do with internet browser compatibility but I figured I’d say this to let you know. The design look great though! Hope you get the issue fixed soon. Many thanks!

    Comment by Alicia — June 15, 2017 @ 2:16 am

  8. I will immediately take hold of your rss feed as I can’t in finding your e-mail
    subscription link or e-newsletter service. Do you have any?
    Kindly let me realize so that I may subscribe. Thanks.

    Comment by Dominick — June 17, 2017 @ 4:15 am

  9. Appreciating the hard work you put into your website and in depth information you offer.
    It’s good to come across a blog every once in a while that isn’t the same old rehashed information. Wonderful read!
    I’ve saved your site and I’m including your RSS feeds to
    my Google account.

    Comment by Reinaldo — June 17, 2017 @ 4:43 am

  10. wh0cd982622 cephalexin medication Over The Counter Amoxicillin

    Comment by Alfredzelry — June 18, 2017 @ 9:59 am

  11. wh0cd822225 Hydrochlorothiazide 12.5 Mg what is the cost of cialis

    Comment by KennethMaT — June 18, 2017 @ 11:50 pm

  12. Hi there, just became alert to your blog through Google, and found that it’s really informative.
    I am going to watch out for brussels. I’ll be grateful if you continue this in future.
    Numerous people will be benefited from your writing.
    Cheers!

    Comment by http://matriculas.omicrondemo.com/modules.php?name=Your_Account&op=userinfo&username=BirgitEber — June 22, 2017 @ 4:21 am

  13. I read this article completely on the topic of the difference of
    latest and previous technologies, it’s amazing
    article.

    Comment by Augusto de Arruda Botelho — June 22, 2017 @ 8:30 pm

  14. I have been exploring for a bit for any high-quality articles or weblog
    posts on this kind of space . Exploring in Yahoo I ultimately stumbled upon this web site.
    Reading this info So i am satisfied to exhibit that I’ve an incredibly excellent uncanny feeling
    I discovered just what I needed. I so much unquestionably will make sure to don?t overlook this
    site and provides it a look regularly.

    Comment by sachthongtan.vn — June 23, 2017 @ 2:24 am

  15. Heya i’m for the first time here. I came across this board and I find It really useful & it helped me out a lot.

    I hope to give something back and aid others like you
    aided me.

    Comment by Kendrick — June 23, 2017 @ 5:19 am

  16. This information is priceless. When can I find out more?

    Comment by car computer holder — June 24, 2017 @ 9:53 pm

RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URL

Leave a comment

**Mean or otherwise out-of-line comments will be deleted. That’s just how we roll.

[breakupgirl.net]

blog | advice | comics | animation | goodies | to do | archive | about us

Breakup Girl created by Lynn Harris & Chris Kalb
© 2008 Just Friends Productions, Inc.
| privacy policy
Cool Aid!

Important Breakup Girl Maxim:
Breakup Girl Sez

MORE COMICS...

Powered by WordPress