Home
Advice

Comics

Animation

Goodies

Big To Do
MORE...
About Us

Archive
“Saving Love Lives The World Over!” e-mail e-mail to a friend in need

November 7, 2012

True Confessions: He will have to choose between his family … and us!

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 10:38 am

truecircleDear Breakup Girl,

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 7.5 years now, and he recently proposed to me. We love each other very much, and want to be together forever. However, we are having a great deal of trouble planning our wedding. We both want to get married sooner rather than later, and we both would like to have certain people and pastor present.

That’s where it gets tricky. The pastor who we want to marry us is moving away [in a month and a half]. Unfortunately, he will be unable to return before next August, or September. Gordon and I would both like to be married well before then. We were hoping to get married in February. So, because none of our plans were working for February, we briefly discussed changing the date to December (this December). Everything has fallen into place beautifully, except for one detail. I had mentioned to Gordon’s sister that the wedding was “so far” being planned for February. So she bought plane tickets for the February date. Now that we have moved the date, she is very unhappy with us. They live about a seven-hour drive away, so it’s not too bad (for Canada). Her husband is a retail manager, and work is very busy before Christmas. It is very unlikely that he will be able to get time off in early December. However, she (Gordon’s sister) is able to come, and yet seems unwilling to take the time off work.

So. Now we are stuck, because December works for both of us, and it is when we would like to get married. Gordon really would like to have his family there, which I respect, and I also would like for them to be there. However, they have suggested that we move our date for a time more convenient for them. Unfortunately, Gordon’s mother agrees with his sister, and believes that it is more important for us to accomodate Gordon’s sister than it is for her to make time, and be there on our schedule.

Gordon is now wanting change the date back to February, because that is when they can come, even though none of the other things we wanted are available then. I am very confused, and both of us are facing some very difficult decisions. He will have to choose between his family, and us (February or December). I know that it isn’t right for us to be forced to change a day based solely on other people’s wishes. I also know that he won’t be happy unless his family is there. So I have to give up some of the things which are important to me to accommodate them. This really disturbs me. My decision will be whether to go on, and marry him when it is good for them to be here, or to call it off, and give up the man I love.

What I believe we need is some advice from an impartial third person. We are really stuck, because if we get married in December (like we want) his family will be upset, and his sister will not come at all. If we move it to February (which really doesn’t work for me at all) we are not doing it for us, we are doing to make them happy. I believe that it should be OUR day, not theirs. So, hopefully, it will all work out, but I really don’t know what to do. Thanks.

–Janine

Dear Janine,

Here’s some advice from Sassy Miz M., a close friend of BG’s who can speak from experience on this matter. She’s also a relative of Belleruth, BG.com’s official impartial third person, so it’s legit.

Sassy Miz M. says: “Oy!” [Told you she was legit.] “Conventional wisdom does hold that if you don’t say, at some point, ‘Geez, we really should elope,’ you are far too passive or drugged to be Engaged.

So if dashing off to Vegas and being married by an Elvis impersonator doesn’t do it for you, you might consider having you pastor do a private ceremony for just the two of you, then letting the relatives have a big reception for you in February. My friend Kathleen, a law clerk, got married in her judge’s chambers, because she really wanted the judge to do the ceremony, and with a brother in the Army stationed in the Persian Gulf and parents spread across the country, timing was an issue. In the end it was just the two of them and the judge, and she and her hubby have no regrets.

It not your fault that your new relations are too quick with the credit cards (telling someone the wedding will ‘probably’ be in February means they should ‘probably’ wait for a ‘firm’ ‘commitment’ before buying a plane ticket) but jeez, given that it happened, and given that your bro-in-law definitely can’t come in December (which may be another reason your sis-in-law won’t come, in addition to her pissiness about having to eat a $150 change fee on the tix), I would think really hard about your commitment to this December date. Gordon wants to be married in February. All your inlaws want the wedding to be in February. And you’ve gotta deal with them at Thanksgiving and other holidays for the rest of your life. You should think hard about whether you want to alienate everyone this way. Saying ‘I have to give up what I want for them’ –um, any concessions you make will be for Gordon, not for them. Not because you love his family, but because they ARE his family. When you say, ‘He will have to choose between his family, and us (February or December),’ I really don’t think you’re being fair. Frankly, you’re the one creating this dichotomy.

I understand that everyone has wedding fantasies. After 7.5 years together, you might have ’em more strongly than most brides. And brides can be VERY RIGID PEOPLE; I realized this when I had a sh*tfit at the BBQ the night before my wedding because the BROWNIES WERE NOT PROPERLY SET OUT.

But here’s my advice: if you really want the big fairy-tale wedding, and have your heart set on a particular location and officiant, you should consider rescheduling for August when the pastor is back and your setting of choice is available. I would respectfully submit that you could use the simmer-down time to gain some perspective (it’s about the marriage, not the party, after all), and to defuse tensions among all concerned. And you could very graciously offer to pay for the change fee on the sis-in-law’s tix. It’s important to make the gesture that you really want his family to be there. And welcome to the land of compromise, which is so totally what a successful marriage is about. Hope that helps.”

Love,
Sassy Miz M and BG

This advice was originally published November 16, 1998.

No Comments »

  1. [url=http://hydrochlorothiazide-online.us/]hydrochlorothiazide[/url] [url=http://tretinoin-online.cricket/]tretinoin cream[/url] [url=http://vpxl.men/]generic vpxl[/url] [url=http://augmentinonline.trade/]augmentin[/url] [url=http://serpinaonline.party/]generic serpina[/url] [url=http://cialis-on-line.eu/]buy cialis generic online[/url]

    Comment by ashomy8lrac — October 4, 2016 @ 6:23 am

  2. Excellent way of telling, and pleasant post to take information concerning my presentation topic, which i am going to present in college.

    Comment by Latrice — October 14, 2016 @ 7:56 pm

  3. Have you ever thought about including a little bit more than just your articles?
    I mean, what you say is important and everything. Nevertheless think of
    if you added some great images or video clips to
    give your posts more, “pop”! Your content is excellent but with pics and video clips,
    this site could definitely be one of the best in its niche.
    Fantastic blog!

    Comment by Leonora — October 20, 2016 @ 1:58 am

  4. What i don’t understood is in truth how you are now not really much more smartly-liked than you may be now.
    You are so intelligent. You recognize therefore significantly in terms of this topic,
    made me in my opinion believe it from numerous numerous angles.
    Its like women and men don’t seem to be fascinated except it is
    something to accomplish with Lady gaga! Your own stuffs nice.
    At all times take care of it up!

    Comment by Kristy — April 23, 2017 @ 1:01 am

  5. My programmer is trying to convince me to move to .net from PHP. I have always disliked the idea because of the costs. But he’s tryiong none the less. I’ve been using WordPress on numerous websites for about a year and am nervous about switching to another platform. I have heard good things about blogengine.net. Is there a way I can import all my wordpress posts into it? Any help would be really appreciated!

    Comment by Daron — May 16, 2017 @ 8:59 am

  6. Unquestionably believe that which you stated. Your favorite reason seemed to be on the net the simplest thing to
    be aware of. I say to you, I definitely get irked while people think about worries that they
    just don’t know about. You managed to hit the nail upon the top and also defined out the whole thing without having side effect , people could take a signal.
    Will likely be back to get more. Thanks

    Comment by casas em Miami — May 25, 2017 @ 3:03 am

  7. Hello friends, fastidious piece of writing and nice arguments commented here, I am truly enjoying by these.

    Comment by http://preservapedia.org/index.php?title=Dream_Basketball_2008:_Keepers_And_Sleepers_-_Wide_Receivers_Wrs — May 25, 2017 @ 6:14 am

  8. I am regular visitor, how are you everybody?
    This piece of writing posted at this site is really pleasant.

    Comment by Caleb — May 25, 2017 @ 6:37 am

  9. Inspiring story there. What happened after? Thanks!

    Comment by Cindi — May 25, 2017 @ 9:07 pm

  10. wh0cd277334 [url=http://onlineelocon.us.com/]online elocon[/url] [url=http://serophene.us.com/]Serophene[/url]

    Comment by Michaelclome — May 28, 2017 @ 7:13 am

  11. Marvelous, what a website it is! This blog provides valuable information to
    us, keep it up.

    Comment by glam seamless review — May 29, 2017 @ 12:55 am

  12. My brother recommended I might like this website. He
    was entirely right. This post truly made my day. You cann’t imagine simply how much
    time I had spent for this information! Thanks!

    Comment by http://food.utdev.co.uk — May 29, 2017 @ 7:52 am

  13. I was talking to a friend of mine around this info and regarding lucky patcher download for android as well. I do think you made a number of great points in this article, we’re looking forward to read more information from you.

    Comment by luck patcher apk — May 29, 2017 @ 9:24 am

  14. I’m not sure exactly why but this website is loading
    extremely slow for me. Is anyone else having this issue or is it a issue on my end?
    I’ll check back later and see if the problem still
    exists.

    Comment by cruise vacation — May 31, 2017 @ 5:00 pm

  15. Whoa! This blog looks just like my old one! It’s on a completely different subject but it has pretty much the same layout and design. Wonderful choice of colors!

    Comment by car computer exchange — May 31, 2017 @ 6:39 pm

  16. Do you mind if I quote a few of your posts as long as I provide credit and sources back to
    your website? My website is in the very same niche as yours and my users would definitely
    benefit from a lot of the information you provide here.
    Please let me know if this alright with you.

    Thank you!

    Comment by http://anapa-trio.ru/profile.php?id=1114 — May 31, 2017 @ 11:40 pm

  17. Hey I know this is off topic but I was wondering if you knew of any widgets I could add to my blog
    that automatically tweet my newest twitter updates. I’ve
    been looking for a plug-in like this for quite some time and was
    hoping maybe you would have some experience with something like this.

    Please let me know if you run into anything. I truly enjoy reading
    your blog and I look forward to your new updates.

    Comment by car computer exchange — June 1, 2017 @ 9:44 pm

  18. Appreciate the recommendation. Let me try it out.

    Comment by cartoon network — June 2, 2017 @ 8:15 am

  19. I know this web page presents quality based articles and other data, is there any other web site which gives these kinds of information in quality?

    Comment by car remotes — June 2, 2017 @ 5:05 pm

  20. Pretty component of content. I just stumbled upon your website and in accession capital to claim that
    I acquire in fact loved account your blog posts. Any way I’ll be subscribing
    to your augment and even I fulfillment you get admission to persistently quickly.

    Comment by car computer exchange — June 3, 2017 @ 12:58 am

  21. Hi there! Quick question that’s completely off topic. Do you know how to make your site mobile friendly?
    My web site looks weird when browsing from my iphone. I’m
    trying to find a theme or plugin that might be able to fix this problem.
    If you have any suggestions, please share. Many thanks!

    Comment by global resorts — June 3, 2017 @ 8:13 am

  22. Hey! I know this is kinda off topic but I was wondering which blog
    platform are you using for this site? I’m getting fed
    up of WordPress because I’ve had issues with hackers and I’m looking
    at alternatives for another platform. I would be fantastic if you could point me in the direction of a good
    platform.

    Comment by Shani — June 5, 2017 @ 6:45 am

  23. It’s impressive that you are getting thoughts from this paragraph as well
    as from our discussion made at this time.

    Comment by svtvnetwork.com — June 6, 2017 @ 9:22 am

  24. I’m not sure why but this weblog is loading incredibly slow for me.
    Is anyone else having this problem or is it a problem on my end?

    I’ll check back later on and see if the problem still exists.

    Comment by sports car — June 6, 2017 @ 12:10 pm

  25. I don’t know whether it’s just me or if everybody else experiencing issues with your blog.

    It appears as though some of the written text in your content
    are running off the screen. Can somebody else please comment and let me
    know if this is happening to them as well? This may be a issue with my web browser because I’ve had this happen previously.

    Kudos

    Comment by credit cards — June 11, 2017 @ 4:54 pm

  26. Hey! Do you use Twitter? I’d like to follow you if that
    would be okay. I’m absolutely enjoying your blog and look forward to new posts.

    Comment by resorts network — June 13, 2017 @ 1:00 pm

  27. naturally like your web-site but you have to check the spelling on quite a few of your posts.
    Many of them are rife with spelling problems and I in finding it
    very bothersome to inform the reality however I’ll certainly
    come again again.

    Comment by computer paper holder — June 14, 2017 @ 5:27 am

  28. Can I just say what a relief to locate someone who actually knows what theyre talking about online. You undoubtedly know how to bring an problem to light and make it essential. Far more people really need to read this and have an understanding of this side of the story. I cant believe youre not a lot more popular because you absolutely have the gift.

    Comment by Maurita — June 14, 2017 @ 1:24 pm

  29. An intriguing discussion is definitely worth comment. I believe
    that you ought to write more about this issue, it might not
    be a taboo subject but typically folks don’t talk about such
    topics. To the next! Kind regards!!

    Comment by computer protection professionals — June 16, 2017 @ 4:48 am

  30. Thanks for sharing your info. I truly appreciate your efforts and I am waiting for
    your further post thanks once again.

    Comment by Ava — June 16, 2017 @ 7:44 pm

  31. Good blog post. I absolutely appreciate this site.
    Keep it up!

    Comment by glam seamless reviews — June 16, 2017 @ 10:49 pm

  32. Hello would you mind sharing which blog platform you’re working with?
    I’m planning to start my own blog soon but I’m having a hard time deciding
    between BlogEngine/Wordpress/B2evolution and Drupal.
    The reason I ask is because your design and style seems different then most
    blogs and I’m looking for something unique.
    P.S My apologies for getting off-topic but
    I had to ask!

    Comment by www.fidelity-soft.be — June 17, 2017 @ 11:41 pm

  33. If you are going for most excellent contents like myself, only pay a visit this web site all
    the time because it presents feature contents, thanks

    Comment by car computer exchange — June 18, 2017 @ 2:25 am

  34. wh0cd2217061 [url=http://paxil24.us.org/]paxil[/url] [url=http://acyclovir24h.us.org/]acyclovir[/url] [url=http://advair247.us.org/]GENERIC ADVAIR DISKUS[/url]

    Comment by Billyvox — June 20, 2017 @ 2:11 am

  35. Hey! This post could not be written any better!

    Reading through this post reminds me of my previous room mate!
    He always kept chatting about this. I will forward this post to
    him. Fairly certain he will have a good read.
    Thanks for sharing!

    Comment by car computer exchange — June 21, 2017 @ 3:26 pm

  36. I am now not certain where you’re getting your information, however good topic.

    I needs to spend a while studying more or working
    out more. Thanks for magnificent information I used to
    be in search of this info for my mission.

    Comment by Lorene — June 22, 2017 @ 9:23 am

  37. Hey there, You have done a fantastic job.
    I’ll certainly digg it and personally recommend to my friends.
    I’m sure they will be benefited from this web site.

    Comment by english.sezn.ru — June 23, 2017 @ 5:26 am

  38. I’m very pleased to uncover this page. I need to to thank you for ones time due
    to this wonderful read!! I definitely enjoyed every part of it and I have you saved as a favorite to check out new information on your web site.

    Comment by Miquel — June 23, 2017 @ 11:17 am

RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URL

Leave a comment

**Mean or otherwise out-of-line comments will be deleted. That’s just how we roll.

[breakupgirl.net]

blog | advice | comics | animation | goodies | to do | archive | about us

Breakup Girl created by Lynn Harris & Chris Kalb
© 2008 Just Friends Productions, Inc.
| privacy policy
Cool Aid!

Important Breakup Girl Maxim:
Breakup Girl Sez

MORE COMICS...

Powered by WordPress